I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye

 

Hello, piece of the internet that is mine. Is it mine? I thought I wanted it to be God's. Is it God's? What a rambling way to start this post! Maybe it is a reflection of how reluctant I am to start writing again because I am scared this piece is mine and not His. One thing that will never change here, I hope, is my pursuit to be honest and genuine. There is so much I have wanted to write about, but I've been too afraid. Well, one of my resolutions has been to run toward the thing that scares me; so, in this case, I have to write about this. 

I have written posts about why I left my previous church here and here. However, no matter how long it's been, their teachings formed me as a person and still guide me to this day. I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but the words from my dear friend Dela still haunt me to this day: "How do you correct your false doctrine? One spoonful at a time." I have found this to be painfully true. No matter how much I want to correct my crooked path, it's going to need time, effort, and focus on one thing at a time. And I guess this is why I haven't written here anymore but why I am doing it today. It is imminently relevant today. I am working as a high school teacher. I volunteer in the youth ministry. I am the mother of girls quickly becoming preteens. I give advice on a daily basis to youngsters all around me on various issues. I better make sure my doctrine is Biblical and sound. To be able to do this, I must recognize what that doctrine is, how it has changed, why it changed, and if it is worthy of spreading it around. And on this post specifically, I want to talk about my dating doctrine. 

I am sure many in Christian circles have read the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye and more recently have heard how author Joshua Harris left his faith, denounced the book, and got divorced from his wife.  I had even heard the false rumors that he was now gay spread like facts among Christian circles. (He is not.) Well, turns out he did more than that. He made a documentary called I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Boy, was it a treat! Not only was it refreshing to see him earnestly listen to the critics of his book but to see him actively seeking to understand how his teachings had hurt others. He had been the inadvertent creator of a legalistic purity movement and wanted to be responsible and accountable for what he had created. I will not speak of where Joshua Harris is today in his faith or in his family life. That is between him and God. I know this topic is controversial, and I can already feel the fear creeping back in to stop the post here. 

The documentary and critiques brought to mind my personal relationship with the book and the purity movement. I would like to share some of the main ones:

1. It made you feel unclean. "You have a crush on a boy? Unclean! You have a new crush now? Disloyal and unclean! You are spending too much time being friends with your crush? Unclean, temptress, sinner!"

 I am pretty sure I've written this story before, but when I fell in love with my now husband I felt so impure I could not have my devotional for months out of sheer shame to come to the Lord in that state! Mind you, I was in my 20s, graduated from college, and had never dated before. It didn't matter. This was the most impure thing I could do! (Understand the sarcasm, please.) It gave you such a judgmental view of any female-male interaction that is pervasive to this day in Christian circles. 

2. It gave you a money-back guarantee. "Want to find the love of your life that will guide you into a holy life and holy family? Follow these steps for pure courtship with marriage in mind and you'll get it all! No divorces! No cheating husbands or deadbeats. No spinsters! If you are truly serving God, He has the 'one' for you."

Oh, how I believed this wholeheartedly! Oh, how many Christian girls believed this wholeheartedly and wrestled with God for not giving them their money-back guarantee when their years of service did not produce a husband or it gave them a bad husband. 

3. It perpetuated a rape culture and a patriarchy. "If a boy has feelings for you, you caused it. You caused it with the way you dress, the way you smile, the way you talk to him. It is your job how he feels. It is your job to guard his heart. If a man wants to pursue you, he must come to your father first. No way you know what's good for you without your father's consent!"

I remember having this talk with my daughters and the girls from the youth group. "Is wearing a crop top a sin?" My daughter asks. I took the question before the youth group girls. "Do you not wear one to guard your brothers in Christ?" I asked them. When their reply was a convicting "yes", I told them this approach was wrong. "You are not responsible for another's heart. I've dressed like a nun in my youth and still had guys hitting on me." When answering my daughter's original question about crop tops I told her, "If you went to India and saw girls wearing crop tops because that is how they traditionally dress, would you think it is a sin?" I went on to explain that the act in itself is not what matters but your motivation. "Why do you want to wear a crop top?" Isn't that more important? And your answer should never be for someone else's sake. "I dress modestly because I want to honor my God. That is my personal reply," I tell them. When you let yourself be fed the lie that how you acted and how you dress made another male act a certain way, you perpetuate rape culture. It is time for males to be responsible for their own actions and their own hearts. It is time for girls to stop bearing the responsibility, the violence, and the shame of the males' unhinged desires. I don't have time for the patriarchy arc in this post, but you can go to my other links from the beginning to read more on that and my horror stories of grooming. 

4. Dating is a sin. "You must only date with the intent of marriage. If marriage is not the goal, dating is frivolous and dangerous. Courtship is the only Christian alternative available to you." 

I've struggled with this one. Is it a sin? Is it not? Will I allow my daughters to date? Goodness, just thinking about it makes me sweat. The funny thing about this one is that I thought I would be the one who would be uptight about dating, and my husband would be more chill because I did not date and he did. Well, turns out that knowing what dating entails and being a father to girls gives him a knowledge that scares him, and he has been really strict and uptight about the subject. I did not see this coming at all. But I like seeing him go through this on the other side of the coin. His dad was tough on him, and he resents some of those exchanges. Now, he sees them as necessary and is contemplating his father's approach. I don't have much knowledge because I married my first boyfriend. I know of Christian friends who did not grow up in churches setting all these rules for their dating life, and they still made it to their marriage as virgins.

4. Sexual sins carry more condemnation. "You are like an apple. When you give your heart and body to a boyfriend, he takes a bite. You give him a piece of your heart you will never get back. And then you come to your husband all bitten and incomplete. Is this what you want to present to your husband?"

I shudder at the memory of me sharing this with younger girls. I was taught it. I lived by it. I perpetuated it. I recently learned that someone shared a similar "flower" analogy with my students, saying each romantic encounter took a petal away. A mother was rightfully outraged. Imagine if you are saying this to a girl who has been a victim of abuse, which statistics tell us could be at least 50% of them! Imagine someone coming to Christ later in life and being presented with this! Or that someone simply liked to date. Is this person less before Christ? Has this person not been redeemed? Have they not been made whole by Jesus?

I have had people who saw how I dated my husband and thought: "She got it right." I "got it right" on my first try not because I was special or because I waited or because I had the right rule book. I got it right because God was merciful, and my first try turned out to be an amazing man. But what if it hadn't turned out right? I don't know how I would have reacted. And how would those to whom it didn't turn out right know what to do? Or how would they know how to move forward and try again? And how would they have been prepared to deal with the guilt and shame of failing? If my relationship had caused such a rift between me and my Lord by filling me with shame to turn to Him, how can I even consider it "getting right'? I suffered for years. I rejected my husband for years. The only reason it worked is that for some reason I still can't fathom he was head over heels for me, and he kept pursuing me despite myself. 

I call finding my husband as "God saving me from myself." I thank my friend David (a.k.a Cucaracha), who doesn't know how his words changed the course of my life, said to me straight. He said to me: "Keep doing what you're doing. Keep hoping and pursuing a husband who is a pastor or a deacon. Keep doing what the church commands you to do. You will get exactly what you want, and you will one day realize you wake every morning next to a man you don't even like." That scared me. I could picture it very clearly. He was right. I had almost been groomed. (Want to know more? Read the links at the top!) I almost let the best man who's ever loved me slip away. I thank God every day for the mercy of asking myself "Is it You who is telling me 'no' to this man or is it the church?" and realizing it was not His voice saying "no." I had heard my spiritual leaders so much that I didn't even know what listening to His voice was, but, by some miracle, His Spirit within me spoke to my spirit, and, by His grace, we have been happily married for almost 14 years. 

My students asked me: "What do we do then? How do we find the right person?" At the time, I told them I didn't have an answer. I spent some time with my lovely mentor, Diane, a few days ago, and she gave me an answer I can take before my kids: "What we do, we do by faith." It won't turn out perfect because this world is fallen. There are no money-back guarantees for following Jesus. He actually warned us that we would have afflictions. But if we walked by faith, we can be sure He has a purpose, He sustains us, He is with us, and He is still doing things that no eye has seen or ear has heard for the glory of His name. 

Kaylee´s Minions and Unicorns Birthday Party

 

Can any theme better describe Kaylee? 

It's equal parts girly and crazy!

I relied on balloon help for this one.

And our and our friends' extensive minion collection.

Tell me that topper is not Kaylee personified?

Colors, design, rainbows. It was ll done to match her to a t. 

This topper was done by her personal request. 

These unicorn cupcakes had me shocked at how easy they were to make and how good they turned out. 

Pretty much everything in this theme was easy to DIY. The marshmallow eyes made these simple cupcakes pop.

Kaylee disliked the unicorn cookies initially because "their eyes look crazy." Then she compared them to the movie unicorn and declared they were perfect.

Had to have one cookie bot! Boogie!

The gift bags were easy but cute.

Unicorns and minions all the way!

We got an Agnes, Margo, and minion. Dad was too hot to be gru, and mommy was just to exhausted.

My beautiful Tita was moving to Costa Rica a few months after this party. I pray with all my heart this won't be the last birthday we share together. 

Easiest photobooth ever.

Laser beam course.

Ignite the bomb relay race.

Police and cops team game

Build the tower and topple the enemy's one first game.

We had other games like tie the villain and water gun attack extravaganza. It was such a great day!

Dear Kaylee, 

You turned 9, but you seem to be forever my little girl. You have love going to school. I was so scared for you, not because mommy didn't think you were smart enough but because I felt you were too hyper for sitting still. How wrong I was! Your teachers tell me that you are the best-behaved student in your class. I was super scared about you taking Spanish. Oh no, Spanish did a number on us during our homeschool years. You cried and I cried. Look at you now! Excelling at everything you put your hand on, you finished your first school year with a high honor roll! It was strange celebrating your first birthday having classmates. What a long guest list that was! You just get along well with everyone in your class. You have an amazing class that received you with open arms. You were lucky that you had Xavi and Santi there to welcome you. You were also excited, to your parents' dismay, to have Matias there. You make sure everyone is included. You are still the jokester you've always been. You had the beautiful opportunity to get baptized during Resurrection Sunday. I can't tell you how my heart was jumping in my to see you decide to walk with Jesus and make Him the Lord of your life. You joined the dance club at school and have given me the most beautiful worship dances I have ever seen. You dance with your entire body, baby. Of course mommy couldn't keep her tears inside. You love dancing, playing video games, watching YouTube, playing in the living room hammock, and making friends, You got to witness your tios (Javier and Heike) getting engaged in January (2023), and you begged to go to Honduras to be a flower girl. Well, baby, it's happening! You will be a flower go and you are finally going back to your beloved Honduras. You're as ever a romantic. Oh boy, you make your dad and I sweat with worry. I try to do right by you and view your heart from the purity it's coming from. Please forgive mommy because she carries a lot of emotional and spiritual baggage, especially in that department. I am letting the Lord guide me into guarding your heart from feeling judged or repressed. It's a balancing act mommy is always learning to do better. It's been strange because the older you get the more I realize you resemble your father more, but get along better with me and vice-versa is real with your father and Emmalee, where she resembles me more and gets along better with him. You are still my giggle bug, jumping shrimp. Your energy is as magnetic as it's always been. I'm excited to watch you grow and watch the wonderful things you'll do for the Lord. You love plushies like a crazy person. You have learned to be detached from them and have donated a few, but you still collect new ones and get excited by them. I loved making your Minions-unicorns party. I think that party theme perfectly described you: An uber girly, lovely kid that would go crazy for unicorns, but a crazy, looney, funny, hilarious, troublemaker minion. I say this in the best of ways, baby. You are so special! You don't take yourself too seriously, you give the best billion-kisses kiss every night, the best hugs, and the best smiles. I love you, my darling. I love you a lot! 

Mommy

Breath of the Wild birthday party for Emmalee's 10th with links to free printables and papercrafts

Welcome to one of the most awesome birthday parties ever in this blog. Maybe I am biased because I am such a huge Breath of the Wild fan. Maybe it's because BOTW 2 is coming out next May and we can't wait. Maybe it's because it is one of the most thought out birthday parties I've ever had to create. Whatever it is, I think it was EPIC! You need to stick around for the games and activities. 

Decorations

As always, we start off with the decorations and the main table.

How incredibly easy were those archery balloons to recreate. I just had to print the target circle color and tape them to white balloons.

Used Crayola watercolors to create that backdrop. Glad my girls were up to helping.

The birthday banner shields were a free printable found on online here.

Can you find the "cupcake" my sister made fun of in my backdrop paiting?

I made the EMMALEE letters which you can barely make out using Mr. P 3D letter template and printables of different BOTW landscapes. It could have made it more cohesive, but I still loved showing different BOTW sights.

I stuck to the chibi theme with the characters. Just googled chibi BOTW and used the best sticker images I could find.

I know! I know! This terrako is not BOTW, but the printable was so cute. Too bad I didn't notice the base had shifted when I took the pic. Love the chibi link riding Epona, eventhough there is no Epona in BOTW unless you are like me and named her such!

Could not find good BOTW cookie references online, so I made my own creation!

Free BOTW link papercraft found here.

Free Kass papercraft found here.

Look at that sad smooshed silent princess flower. The cake suffered some transportations casualties. Pic in the bottom of cake before taking a ride.

Master sword papercraft here

I wanted to do the sunrise colors of the backdrop on the cake also. I think it looks so cute.

Up close my shrine is not much to see, but I'm just so proud of no longer using fondant on my cakes. This is pure buttercream.

Milk labels here.

These monster cakes were almost a disappointment. First I made the horns with merengues following this website's suggestion. I left them on the oven. I had struggled with sticky merengues in the past, so I had extra purple buttercream to pipe the horns. Left that in the fridge. I almost cried when I saw my sad hornless monster cakes. They had taken so long because they had a dulce de leche filling and had taken a while to assemble. My sister saved the displayed ones with some last minute cardboard horns. 

Master sword printable here. 

How cool is my castle? Took forever to hangs those curtains, but they were everything!

Champions window for cool background for pics.

In case you are unaware, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is handmade by me. So, yes, I made that Zelda outfit too! Also made that girl!

And also made that master sword using this papercraft.

Here is the link for the master sword papercraft on the main table. (Yes, realized after printing it wasn't BOTW, used it anyway!)

My girls. My youngest is using a DIY Zelda necklace.

Yes! I made my husband an outfit also! He is my handsome Link.

He was reluctant until I told him how proud his daughter would feel watching those pictures down the line. He agreed even though he knew it would be hot under that outfit. It was and he endured it.

My lovely family. Like my fairy headband?

Crazy about my guardian piñata. So cool. Those paper cups came down with the first hit though!

Games

Here is my favorite part of the party. I wanted a IRL experience of BOTW, as much as possible. So, we made some phases. They needed to get a heart piece and a potion to do the shrine quests, but getting these were not going to be easy either. 

Heart piece and Korok quest

To get a heart piece, they needed to stop by the cooking station, but first they needed to collect 3 ingredients. I made the ingredients using air dry clay. 

Stamella mushroom

Hylian mushroom

Endura mushroom

Hearty Radish

River Frog

Hearty truffle

Fairy tree

Silent princess

I made an adventure satchel for each kid with a cardboard sheikah slate for each one. The sheikah slate had a map of the world (that coincided with the park) and the korok quest. I'll show you in the next pictures. 

These were the hidden koroks that had a symbol that they had to decipher the right number in their slate to get the code. The first 3 to finish got Korok plushies. They did the quest while also looking for ingredients.

This is what my daughter's slate looked like in the end

Here she solved her korok quest, but she came in 4th

If you wish to use them, here is the jpg I made.

And here is the map. Our castle was in the center of the park, just like on the map! Serendipitous!

To get to their next quest, they had to find the Korok circle in their map. This was the hardest quest for pretty much every kid, mainly because only the 4 kids that played the game knew what a Korok circle looked like. I had to redirect most of them to it! 

We were lucky to have a large and lushious jungle park!

Zelda looks so cool in the wild! Do you like her satchel???

Here are the 1st and 2nd place winners of the Koroks quest showing off their Korok plushies!

The satchel was a good place to carry all the goodies they collected.

Once they had their 3 ingredients, they could head to the cooking station. They had 4 choices: fruit for 1 rupee, veggie for 5 rupees, mushroom for 20,  and spicy jalapeño for 50. After you ate your meal, you got the rupees you earned and your heart piece. Most boys went for the jalapeño.

I'll post the Korok quest images, the monster and gears part image, and the rupees and heart piece images.

Archery and Potion

Unfortunately, I didn't take picture of the kids fishing, but I had a bucket of plastic fishes and a dollar store fishing cane with a magnet for the kids to collect a fish if they hadn't found a frog. To make a potion, they needed a fish or a frog and a monster part. To get a monster part, they needed to head to the archery.  

Here is my lovely octorok ready to be shot at.

You can tell Adri hit it in the first try. 

You got 3 attempts. If you hit the target, you get 20 rupees and monster parts. If you didn't, you only got monster parts.

Even the dads wanted to give it a try.

Then they headed to the potions station. I found the easiest most awesome potion recipe: alcohol, glitter, and mica powder. It gives it a real potion took. Even the parents were surprised. 

The mica powder does not mix with the alcohol, so it gives these incredible swirls. You can find mica powder in soap making stores. I bought these potion bottles at the dollar store. They are my favorite fidget toy. I made a few for myself to keep in my desk and just twirl and twirl to see the swirls and swirls. 

Shrine Quests

You needed to find 3 other mates that had the heart piece and potion to head to the shrine. Here is team #1 posing at the shrine. Extra me would have done a shrine entrance in the past (see my jurassic park party to see what I mean), but I had already spent too many hours sewing all those satchels. A shrine pic it is!

Shrine Quest #1:

The floor is lava. Just have the kids go from x to y using cardboard pieces.  5 pieces for 4 players to move the piece from the back to the front passing it to each player until everyone makes it through. Make it small to make the balancing fun!

Shrine Quest #2:

Remember the pattern. Inspired by the musical shrine quest in Rito Village, kids must remember the pattern to play all the colors. Each teammate comes to receive a new color and play it on the drums. The next teammate must remember the colors played before and play the next one to reveal it to their team. That last kid had to remember all 8 colors order, but their teammates could help them. 

Shrine Quest #3:

Take the ball to the other side. Mark a spot from x to y and tell the kids they must form a bridge using only their cups to take the ball to the other side. Inspired by some shrines where you need to freeze objects to direct balls. 

This is the orb image I made for this challenge to print and cut.

After completing the 3 shrines, each kid got a different Orb. Then. they had to look for the kids that had the same champion to do together the champion quest. 

Champions Quest

The champions quest was an escape room challenge I got from this website. I printed the escape room challenge as it came and just glued some left over orbs to make it match the champions. The escape room challenge has 4 rooms, so I just made each room a champion challenge. The team that finished their "room" first, won 50 rupees and the second team got 20. The others got the satisfaction of escaping. 

They ran for their fairy once I told them it got them rupees.

Ready to destroy the guardian. It had bolts and gears inside for more rupees too.

Time to exchange the rupees for prizes!!!!

There were candy bags, dollar store toys, but here are the DIY BOTW shrink charms I made to make bracelets and hair bows. The kids loved them. I also got these gaming inspired bendy straws! Safe to say that Beedle store was a big hit!

And yes, I died at the end.

Dear Emmalee,

I can't believe you turned 10! Ten years of seeing God's goodness in my life through your life. You were only 3 when mommy got cancer. I thought you would grow up not even remembering me. You had to grow up so fast. You had to take care of your mommy since you were 3 years old. That is 7 years of you massaging me when I have my chronic pain, caressing my forehad when I get migranes, and putting up with me when I'm cranky because I couldn't sleep. It pains me to know you've carried this burden with me, but it also excites me to think what this has done to your heart and to your character. And I can already see what the Lord  has been doing in your heart. You have a heart ready to know Him, serve Him, seek Him, and learn from Him. You love coming with me to the Crossfire youth band vocal practices where you watch mommy vocal coach young people and you learn too. You come with me to Crosswalk where you are learning how to evangelize and you are getting ready for your first mission trip to the village of Para Puru in the heart of the Panamanian jungle. You were so understanding when mommy left for Egypt on a short mission trip this fall, and I pray it also inspires your future endeavors. You went to school for the first time in your life. You don't feel sorry for yourself for having been homeschooled all your life. You feel greatful for it and have told me so in many of the letters you still continually write to me. You have shined so brightly at your school. Everyone calls you and your sister the welcoming committee for you are at the school gate ready to hug every kid as they come inside. You are a friend without prejudice. You were so nervous your first day of school you were not able to sleep. Mommy tried everything with you to make you sleep, but you could not sleep an ounce. You were worried you were not going to be loved or accepted. You came back that very same day realizing all your fears were for nothing. You made so many friends and you are such a happy girl. You scored highter than your class on your MAP test. I was so impressed. Mom was super intense on your first month of school. I felt like your performance was a direct mirror of my teaching. I was able to let go and let you do you. You do you so well. You just shine wherever you go and in whatever you do. You are doing so great at school. I can see how hard you work to do well and to be kind. You inspire me so much. People always tell me what a great kid I have, and I always tell them it's all you. I have nothing to do with that. You put in the hard work. I loved sharing Breath of the Wild with you. I didn't think you would get so into it like I did. But, you did, and I couldn't be happier. It's like our thing just the two of us, because daddy and Kaylee didn't get into it. I know you were the happiest ten year old in your Zelda costume. You feel so proud that mommy makes it all for you. You constantly tell your friends what new thing mommy had made for your party, and we always can't wait to finally see it altogether. Thank you for the sister you are. You are learning to be more a sister and less a second mom to Kaylee, but I will always love your protective and overseeing love you have for her. It's been a year filled with many firsts. The first time you went to a birthday party without your sister because it was one of your classmates. Kaylee really didn't enjoy that, but it's time to have you have your own things. You've been sharing everything with your sister since you were 1. You've been so generous and sweet. My dearest, you make me so happy and proud. I don't care if you get good grades, if you have good attitudes, or if you like me. I love you for who you are. Thank you for having all of the above, but know that my love for you is unconditional. I am just so full of gratitude to our God to allow me live and watch you grow and be cared and taught by you. You are amazing. 

Love, Mom.