Other's Faith

One thing motherhood has done in me is make me more sensitive.

Everything makes me cry. From hearing Dumbo's "baby of mine" to any sad story I hear, I'm in tears in no second. 

It is no news for anyone who frequents this learning place of mine that I struggle with disbelief. 

It was hard for to believe everything was going to be fine with my pregnancy, birthing, and child. 

Everything did go fine with my pregnancy, birthing, and child.

Recently, I have stumbled on the web on stories of parents who tell a different story. 

Stories like Lacey and Christian's story and Eliot Mooney's story have made me cry and reflect on my blessings and on the power of their faith. 

I didn't think I would have friends amongst me in a similar situation. 

The dear friend for whom we hosted the baby shower mentioned here had her baby girl three weeks ago. 

Her baby was diagnosed with a heart condition that will require her to have heart surgery at 3 months and at 6 or 8 months. 

When I heard of the struggle my friends were going through I thought how I would handle it if it were me. 

The first thing that came to my mind was that I would never sleep watching her like a hawk 24/7. I was like this with Emmalee even though she had been born with good health. I would not sleep checking on her constantly always fearing that SIDS would take her. You have heard of my husband's help in my learning to wait and rest in the Lord. 

We visited our friends and their baby girl last Sunday. I wanted to take her some of the breastfeeding and baby stuff that were to help mommy. Boy did we leave there feeling uplifted! It's those kind of situations were you are supposed to be the one to offer encouragement and support and leave having been encouraged and supported yourself instead. It is in those situation where you can see God's joy beyond reason and His work at hand. 

The baby's father began explaining to us his daughter's condition and the surgeries she needs. He talked so calmly. His calm was contagious. I'm sure his wife has been basking in that calmness and taking strength from it. He told us of how he was grateful they were going through this situation because he could see the work God was doing in his family, in his wife's family, and in their home; see how it was bringing them closer together and bringing hearts closer to God. 

"I had never experienced a situation in my life were my faith was truly tested," he said, "so I want to stand firm in God's goodness and His provision for us. I tell my wife to enjoy her daughter, because we don't know how long she will be with us." Wow, just writing his words down makes my eyes watery. What an amazing man of faith!

I remember when I was pregnant people would always tell me they prayed God would give me a healthy baby. I was showered so powerfully by prayer I felt love and kindredness by people miles away (my mom had a praying campaign on Panama) But I remember once telling God that I wouldn't mind if my baby wasn't healthy as long as it was alive and by my side. God's goodness is in giving and in taking, but He cares about the "blessed be His name" part. I don't know if I would have a "blessing-God's-name-amidst-tribulation" testimony, especially seeing how in my non-tribulation I fail to trust Him wholeheartedly. 

When I saw my friend holding her baby girl carrying a huge smile on her face I did my best to hold my tears. Her smile was not a smile put on for us; it was smile put on her by God and you could feel it. The baby woke up and opened her eyes at the sound of Emmalee's babbling. She looked more alert than most newborns, more than Emmalee did at her age. We shared breastfeeding and birthing stories and laughed at Emmalee's now loud babbling asking for attention. Emmalee was getting tired so we said our goodbye's.

My husband and I entered and we both looked at each other in amazement. "What a great example they are," my husband said. "I know. I feel they did more for us than we did for them." I replied. And they surely did. I think of them constantly, more than they will ever know. They are in my prayers and in my heart all day. The sensitivity motherhood has brought upon me has made me become better at praying for others. 

I don't want my sensitivity make me into an unbeliever. I want, like they do, see God's glory in everything that happens even if we wished it would go away and the power of God's work in the lives of everyone around us. I want my faith be contagious to others like theirs has changed me, like Eliot and his parents and Lacey and Christian have impacted my life and the life of millions. I want to enjoy Emmalee growing up under God's wings, not under mommy's.

God, 

Thank You for my friend's lives. Thank You for teaching us through them. Help them, Father. Let us all be joined in prayer for their baby's upcoming surgeries, for the provision for such surgeries, for the doctors, for the place they'll do the surgeries (they will need to travel to a different country), for strength and joy for her parents. That little baby girl has already brought glory to Your name and may she do so for many years to come here on earth. Her parents are heroes in the faith. Let us all learn from them and give them our support, however we can and with what has been given to us to share. Thank You for Your goodness in their lives and mine and in all of us. Thank You, Lord. 

I love You. 

Amen.

Dear Emmalee / 6 Months

Half a year already!
I've been a mom for half a year!
This year is going pretty fast, but I have to confess I'm happy about that. It's been a great year filled with tons of lessons both in parenting and in marriage. It has been hard to learn to put my husband before the tiny little baby that asks my attention with cries. I'm still getting the hang of it.
Emmalee has reached all her milestones for which I am very grateful.
She is sitting down unsupported and on the verge of crawling. She is laughing and babbling alot. She even plays peekabo at such a young age.

Dear Emmalee,
Do you know how happy you make me? 
Every morning you are on your knees and arms trying to move past your crib's corner and when you hear me you turn with a big smile. You are such a good sleeper you give mom and dad peace of mind. 
Everything seems to appear tasty because you take everything to your mouth. Thank heavens you haven't gotten sick. You are so engaging and demanding too. You are so eager to crawl you get very upset when you're on your knees and arms but unable to move forward. You just stay there and begin to cry as if that is going to make you move forward. You are so funny baby girl. You laugh so beautifully now, all cute giggles. You love watching mommy and daddy make fool of themselves to make you laugh and you comply. You started eating solids!! Mommy loves cereal feeding time in the morning. It's the push I need to start my days earlier. You don't make a mess at all and you eat all opening your mouth wide to eat your goods. Grandma Martha is feeding you veggies in the afternoon and you also love them. Baby girl, thank you for existing. Thank you for coming to our lives and making it wonderful. We love you. Happy half year.

And I promised Adina I'd bring back gratitude mondays.
*556 Emmalee is growing healthy and perfect and beautiful
*557 I have a mom I can always count on that makes my life better with a single phone call
*558 A very patient loving husband
*559 The great example of faith from the Martinez family and their baby girl Abi
*560 A great beginning at the 180° professionals church feeling encouraged
*561 Our first wedding as a family. Grateful for the Solorzano family and my wonderful coworkers.
*562 Wonderful in-loves that love Emmalee to death.
*563 Pit is reunited with my mom and on to a new beginning
*564 We finally started working on the garden and it seems to be progressing.

Thank You for Your blessings Lord. 

Rise to the occasion (Adding goodness to your faith part 4)

Sometimes I don't want to. I don't want to say yes. I don't want to be there for that friend.
Sometimes being a friend is hard to do.
Especially if the past hurts me.
When they discarded my friendship but require it when they are in need.
When they betrayed my trust.
When they distance themselves from me because they don't like it when I confront them with their sin.
When they have been dishonest.
When they are only there in the good times.
When they just want to talk of their needs but never listen to mine.

And the list could go on.
And then I stopped and realize I have been that friend to Jesus. I have...
And yet, He is always there.
Always loving, always receiving, always with arms stretched wide.
And I want to be like Him, don't I?
And what am I doing to be more like him?

And that is just a small list of people I don't feel like being their friend anymore.
What about those I don't even want to befriend:
The preachy guy who always has an opinion on what I do.
The talkative girl who exaggerates every thing she says.
Those who seem too weird.
Those who only speak of the mundane.
The guy who is a little harsh and cold when he talks to you.
The girl pretending to be something she is not.
First of, those are ALL judgments and again God NEVER gives us license to judge.
Secondly, maybe I'm the preachy, talkative, exaggerating, weird, mundane, harsh, pretender to others. (Most likely and altogether)

There is someone in my life I noticed calling out for help. That person has been trying to get close to me. I didn't want to let that person close. I resisted that friendship. We had been friends in the past and that friendship had been disappointing to me.
"Is it my obligation to be there" I asked myself. "Does God require it of me?"
The answer is yes, but the problem is not in the command to love others but in the fact that before I say "no" I am seeking if it is "required" and if I have a way out of it instead of rising to the occasion with a prompt "yes".
The problem is not the others.
The problem is my heart.

There was once a time were the thing I most strived for in my life was radical living for Christ.
Radical:
Adjective
(esp. of change or action) Relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough.

I like this part: far-reaching. 

I don't think that someone who is looking for a way out is looking to far-reach, do you?

What is so wrong with my heart that I would rather look at my friend's past transgressions instead of their need. And let me tell you something, if this person is seeking ME it's because this person is desperate because I'm not much help or good company. 

I'm a disappointing friend too. Recently a very dear friend lost her great grandmother and I was unable to go to the funeral and be by her side. I'm also a very absent friend always busy with work, duty, and family. And sometimes I'm too busy for family, barely seeing my sister and father who live accross the street from me. 

Where is my heart of a servant?

Where is my heart that feels compassion for others?

Where is my heart that seeks be like Jesus, love like Jesus, comfort others like He has comforted me? 

If I numbered the reasons I resist this friend you would probably side with me. But in the Christ-centered life they are just excuses and pride. And in the light of Jesus' love for me, they are a reminder that Jesus would have more reasons to resist me. 

Matthew 5

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Let's rephrase that to: "If you love those who like you,", "if you those you like," "if you love those who are good friends," "if you love those who never fail you (and there is not such thing)," what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 

Where are you, Linda, being RADICAL?

Dear Lord, 

I'm sorry. My heart has been self-absorbed, self-centered. I've let my pride take the reigns of my heart instead of love and compassion. Let me not require brokeness always in order to examine this heart of mine; let me be transformed by your example and unconditional love towards this lowly sinner. I've been told I've been more tender and caring since becoming a mommy. Let this be true. Let my heart be more sensitive to others and be radical in my love and life. Let me not be looking to do the minimum but finding ways to do more, to be more for You. This I want for my daughter, this I must live. I often tell people she appears to have her father's tender and gentle temperament. It should be mommy's too. Lord teach me and transform me. You are able to do great things in me and in adding goodness I add faith believing You can and will.

Thank Jesus for loving me as I am. 

I forever love You.  

Learning Whom I have believed

II Timothy 1
12 "...I know whom I have believed..."

II Timothy 2

13 "if we are faithless, he remains faithful... "

15 "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."

19 "Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: 'The Lord knows those who are his,' and, 'Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.'”

24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

Dear Father,

Why is it so easy for us to forget whom I have believed? I hear people sharing phrases like: "Don't tell God how big your problems are; tell your problems how big is your God". This is truthful, then why do we forget so easily? I see how big a difference being firm in this truth makes me surrender and give my life to You. I don't want to live outside this truth ever again. I want to live in the assurance that the Almighty God is Whom I serve, and He looks after me.

If I am faithless, You remain faithful! this almost brought me to tears. Oh Father, I am so faithless. I loose sight of Your power and sovereign and see only what's infron of me. I am so grateful You are faithful. I wonder how greater things You would have done in my life and the lives of those around me had I had faith. Had I prayed more fervently believing I would receive what I asked for according to Your will. Had I preached more constantly believing the power in Your Gospel to reach the lost. Had I taken more steps in faith, and not seeing, again, what's infront of me.
I remember asking my youth deacon many years ago how to have more faith. He said the disciples asked that same thing to Jesus. Jesus answered: "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Mathew 17:20). It is not about the size of my faith, but the size of Him Whom I have faith in! And He is faithful!

Knowing Whom I have believed also makes me conscious of Whom I HAVE to obey. This world has diminished the image of God so much even Christians forget to fear You. Present yourself to God approved and turn away from wickedness; this is not a request! I have been encouraging a dear loved one of mine to not loose sight of this truth. In this world, we are tempted to stray away from good. This feeling is heigthen when we see the wicked prosper; Solomon warns us of this in the book of Proverbs. No, I must remember Who my God is, and I must follow what You has instructed me to do.

Knowing Whom I have believed doesn't make me obey You only because it reminds me I must fear You; but also reminds me that Your promises are true and this world is not my home. It gives me hope that my dear Lord is preparing a home for me in Heaven. It reminds me this world (with all its suffering) will pass ,and I must seek first Your Kingdom.

Thank You Father for Your faithfulness. I timothy 1:9 "
He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace."

I love You.

Watch your mouth

"She looks just like her Father," EVERYBODY (except for my family members) says to me.
And it gets to me. It gets to me bad.

"Thank God she is beautiful," a friend from church says jokingly, "She looks nothing like her parents."
"Why did you want to have a girl," a woman who I just met at a birthday party says, "Don't you know girls are nice with their dads but their mother's nightmare. Just wait til she's 12 and your worst enemy. And that hair looks messy."

Seriously, what makes people thinks it's O.K. to make these kinds of remarks?
Why does my daughter have to grow to be a nightmare?
And why do you think you can insult me to my face and call it a joke?
"Everything anyone says of Emmalee affects you," my darling husband tells me.
And so, I pondered on both subjects.

On the first one, I was recalling a sermon my youth Pastor Gustavo had given many years ago. I was probably 14 when I heard it and it stuck. The teaching was about controlling your tongue and my readers will know I have a problem with letting my tongue run away with me. The Pastor was pointing out ways we sin with our tongue so that we may be able to more attentive to these situations and learn to control out tongues. The points I remember are: 1. When we speak of others. 2. When we speak in anger. 3. When we speak untruthfully. 4. When we speak too much.
That last one hit a chord. It's the time we sin with our mouths more oftenly without realizing we are using it to sin. We open our mouths too quickly without realizing that what we said was hurtful. No wonder the Bible says:

Proverbs 17:28

27 The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint,

and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.

28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,

and discerning if they hold their tongues.

As to the second point, everything affecting me, he is right. The "he looks like his father" one hits me hardest.
Well, if you look at our baby pictures, she looks more like me than her dad, believe it or not. I'll be posting evidence later. It isn't that it bugs me that people thinks she looks more like her dad because I want them to think she looks more like me. I could care less if she looks like me. It just bugs me because she is a baby girl. She has girly facial features! If she were a baby boy, by all means tell me he looks like his dad. But the truth is why do I care what people say or who they find her resemblance to? She is actually a pretty perfect combination of both and waaaaaaay prettier than any of us anyways. I can't let this be affecting me and making me harvest ill feelings to the people, tons of people, who make these comments.

Proverbs 19:11

¹¹ 

A person’s wisdom yields patience;

it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

Well, the Lord is teaching me alright. For someone who has experienced the hurt of her tongue running away with her, most of the time not on purpose, it should be easier for me to see people don't mean wrong. They're just opening their mouth to talk for talk's sake, as you have done many times. Satan is going to try to use that against you. It made you stand up from that table at that party and walk away from that lady. Did you share Jesus with her? Did you open up to form a relationship with her to later introduce Him to her?
And this church friend is known for those comments. You have loved him just the same all this time. Why will you become upset with him just because you are letting the subject of your daughter be a soft spot for you? Will you let it be a soft spot for you?
Remember when you were a teacher and some parents would overreact when you tried to talk about their kid's needs? Well, will you be that kind of parent? Will you be beyond advice, counsel, teaching? So right now what gets to you is the "she looks like her father," what they might say in the future could be much more personal. I'd rather be, as the verse says, wise to yield patience.
Next time people tell you, and you know they will tell you, she looks like her father, just say: "Well, her daddy is very handsome too," which he totally is.

Baby Learning Part 2

Time for another baby learning post.

1. Baby sleep.
It's 3 a.m. and I wake. I normally don't wake up unless she cries. No sound is heard but I am up with an urge to check the baby. I don't take this to mean anything as it's my every waking moment's reaction. And there she is, sleeping soundly... on her tummy!!!!
I immediately turn her and go back to bed, but back to sleep?
The impression hits me hard. A coworker's 7 month-old niece died the morning before.
I'm shaking so hard my husband awakes.
"Go to sleep," he tells me after I tell him of Emmalee's new sleeping position.
"What if I go to sleep to wake up and find that she's gone?" I say through sobs that might as well wake her up.
"What does the Word say," he encourages, " In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord,...- What? How does the verse end?-Make me dwell in safety."
Thank God for good husbands who recite the Word to you.
Saturday afternoon I found her napping on her tummy again with her face pressed against the bumper.

So here are the lessons I've learned this past days:
1. It is better to be safe than sorry. If the American Academy of Pediatrics is telling you to put the baby on the crib without sheets, comforters, crib bumpers, and stuffed animals, go ahead and obey!
Many parents will tell you their kids used all of the above mentioned and are just fine. Well, in one of the mommy forums I was researching what to do with Emmalee's crazy sleeping movements (she moves all around the crib) I read a comment from a mom that pretty much spoke from my heart:

Quoting Ashley:
I know those experts now say that crib bumpers are dangerous and babies can get their heads stuck underneath them. I don't see how that can happen. I used a crib bumper for both of my children the day I brought them home. They do move around a lot and sometimes fall asleep with their faces pressed up against the crib bars... not comfy!! I would say you are safe to use it now.

My lil guy moved around alot as well once he figured out how to turn over both ways...and I did have bumpers in the crib and he did end up with his face pressed into the bars anyway. I found him like that -doing a routine check on him after putting him to sleep. His little body all weirdly angled his head pushed way back his face pressed deeply into the cushion that shouldn't have been there had I listened to experts. I'm just wondering what you would prefer -your child to be a little uncomfortable because of non-cushioned bars, or would you prefer to find your little princess like that face in the cushion all comfy and still....

Well, needless to say, Emmalee's crib has been bared to only the fitted crib sheet. She sleeps with thick pijamas that do the job of keeping her warm through the night.
I also read this article that I related alot with. I would take sleepless nights with a waking baby any day if it means she is safe!

While researching baby sleep I also learned a couple of new lessons. Take in mind that baby sleep is a very controversial subject as every expert has a different approach and all of them contradict each other. It makes a mommy go cuckoo bananas.
But I found these new lessons interesting:
1. Encouraging a baby to sleep too deeply, too soon, may not be in the best survival or developmental interest of the baby.
Nightwaking has survival benefits. In the first few months, babies' needs are the highest, but their ability to communicate their needs is the lowest. Suppose a baby slept deeply most of the night. Some basic needs would go unfulfilled. Tiny babies have tiny tummies, and mother's milk is digested very rapidly. If a baby's stimulus for hunger could not easily arouse her, this would not be good for baby's survival. If baby's nose was stuffed and she could not breathe, or was cold and needed warmth, and her sleep state was so deep that she could not communicate her needs, her survival would be jeopardized

2.An important fact for you to remember is that your baby's sleep habits are more a reflection of your baby's temperament rather than your style of nighttime parenting.
And keep in mind that other parents usually exaggerate how long their baby sleeps, as if this were a badge of good parenting, which it isn't. It's not your fault baby wakes up.

This last comment brings me to baby learning part 2 of this post:

2. Parenting badges
Lets face it, we want them! We want that nicely behaved kid that is a delight to be around. We want those kids who sit at the table and mind their manners. We want that A student. So lets make two things clear: these are traits of older children, not babies, and these are achieved by nurture and not nature.
But parents take pride in their babies development. A mother boasts her baby boy learned to walk at nine months. The other one boasts of her baby girl speaking her first words at eight months auguring signs of genius.
Research actually shows that giving formal education to your children too early is actually hindering their ability to process information and hinder their creativity and curiosity. (More of this in the future)
Babies who were shown how to walk too early have shown deformations on feet, back, and/or legs.
Emmalee is sleeping through the night. It has given me a sense of accomplishment (after all, babywise did promise results if I was diligent).
This is no badge. It doesn't mean I'll be that lucky with the next baby. It doesn't mean I have a better parenting style than parents with babies still waking up during the night at nine months-old.
Lets learn to kick back and enjoy watching those little ones. Lets learn from these early stages of motherhood not to boast and not to compare and above all, not to hurry those little ones.
Emmalee looks so cute when she is sitting on her own pulling on her feet. I want to bathe the dogs really well to have them near her. I can't wait to see her pull their legs and ears!
It's all about enjoying!

I'm excited to be posting soon what I learn of feeding her solids!!! She starts next month!

That's how that munchkin wakes up!

Dear Emmale/ 5 Months

 Dear Emmalee, 
You are so perfect to me. 
You are such a kind baby. I know I've said that before but it's true. 
 I don't know your temper yet, but you are so pleasant to be around. 
You are giving mommy some big scares. I've found you twice sleeping on your tummy and one of those times you had your face stuck against the crib's bumper. You move all around your crib while you sleep, just like your Uncle Ditto. No pillows or stuffed animals in your crib anymore. 
You can sit down on your own! And when you hear music, you seem like you want to stand up and dance. 
The one that makes you laugh the most is your dad. He was on vacation this months so you guys spent alot of time together. 
Mommy bought you this gorgeous crocheted shoes from my friend Ally but you are such a difficult shoe wearer. You take them off over and over again. I had to modify them a little so it wouldn't be so easy for you to take them off. Sorry, mommy wants to see you in shoes or else you'll be like me who loves to walk barefoot and daddy hates it. I'm being more obedient to please him and to not give you a bad example. 
We bought you a stuffed dog that sings and teaches you the numbers, the abc, and the colors. You like him alot but mainly because of the songs and the lights that sparkle and to put his feet, hands, and ears on your mouth. You'll appreciate the educational value later on, hopefully. I know you will, no pressure. 
Baby you are so blessed with your daddy. He even takes the time to put together outfits for you that have matching headbands and shoes/socks. He plays a game with you that I call Jaws. He looks at you and makes the "ba dum" of the Jaws soundtrack while you look at him attentively, knowing he is going to do something. As he keeps making the "ba dum," you get brighter with this huge smile and when daddy burries his face on your belly you laugh out loud. The next time he does it you are laughing out loud at all the "ba dums." It's so precious to me to see you two together. It's a wonderful thing to watch, a daughter and father relationship. Cherish it, little one, not all babies have it. 
But you will always have your heavenly Father. I'll be excited to see that daughter/father relationship form as well.
I love you my beautiful!
Mommy.