Hubby turned 24!

What a lovely weekend I enjoyed. My darling husband turned 24. Yes, you heard me correctly, 24. It actually sounds a lot better than 23. A couple of weeks ago I had to take him to the emergency room because of a strong stomachache. The nurse took him in while I gave the receptionist his information. "23?" said the recepctionist a little stunned. "Yes, 23," said I, a little blushing. "23?" she asked again to make sure.

My husband was 22 when we got married and I was 24. I'm currently 26 and so happy he turned 24. People always comment that we got married really young. I agree with that opinion of him but not of me. I wish I would have married younger and ,by this time, I wish I'd have 2 kids at least. I'm learning to live by my haunting verse: "Be still and know that I am God." The "be still" is one of the hardest things for me. 

However, I'm happy I married at the age I did because if my wish of marrying younger had come true, I'd probably wouldn't be married to my husband. Maybe the man who would have been my husband would have also been wonderful, but when the Bible says you can't know the work God is doing, the Word, as for usual, is correct. And you wonder why God says "no" to the desires of your heart but, if He wills, He shows you why. So this gratitude Monday I'm especially grateful to the Lord for His timing and my beautiful husband. 

My husband is a mix of young and old. He is very old fashioned being very chivalrous and a family man. He is kind and respectful, not prone to arguing or discussing, always seeking peace and harmony. He is patient and loving, always seeking to help and serve, early riser. He is decorous, clean and organized; he is so correct he won't run a red light. He is young-minded in his food habits (that I intend to change no matter what) and his pastimes (which I indulge with his new bday gift gadget). He pouts if his soccer game is canceled or his soccer team looses, and murmurs for everything. Being a burly man, it amuses me when he bellows his cries of pain when he gets hurt or sick like a little baby. 

I love that he is mine and I am his. I love how much I learn from him and how we realize how much we have to learn still and learning it together. And as we wait for our new stage as parents (if God wills), I've learn to be still and enjoy the blessings God has bestowed on me through my husband.

Holy moly, my last gratitude post was last year! Unacceptable! 

*319 my wonderful husband turning 24

*320 a wonderful time celebrating alongside close friends and family

*321 a lovely backyard transformation perfect for a night in communion

*322 Adina's always willing helping hand

*323 Adina not killing us on her car

*324 dreams and plans for this new year

*325 the hubby's playstation 3. No, I can't afford it, Yes, the Lord provided even for this!

*326 last-last weekend serving at church band with jenny and sarai

*327 the Lord teaching me to fear Him

*328 having had my mom here in Honduras for more than a month

*329 the hardships and trials that will test and perfect my siblings

*340 my mom's foot still in recovery

*341 many unknown paths for my family being amazing opportunities to follow God

*342 You teaching pit and ditto hardwork, appretiation, gratitude, maturity and adulthood.

*343 being able to have sister moments with pit more often

*344 having a garage that fits 6 cars or more.

*345 Terry and Lanky "behaving" during the birthday party

*346 my cooking being to everyone's liking, including hard-to-please Johnny

*347 delicious cheesecake I'm tempted to make again just for the two of us

*348 remembering I can't indulge a sweettooth because the hubby and I are doing a 30 day fitness challenge

*349 enjoying good health and a burst of unexpected strength

*350 back to the gym!

*351 having christian coworkers!

*352 taking a good decision when being tempted

*353 the dogs learning fetch

I could go on to make up for the countless things I should have been writing this past mondays, but the wonderful thing about doing this on monday is that it give monday a happy blessed feel instead of the just-started-another-grueling-week. :) And after making the list, I definitely begin the weak strong feeling so blessed and uplifted. 

Thank You Lord because it is because of your countless mercy and love.

Love ya!

Learning the good way

I don't even know where to go with this post.
Certainly not the kind of post I had in mind writing, nevertheless, is what the Lord is showing me today.
I found it funny that I saw many people posting verses from the book of Jeremiah. As you know, I've been studying it closely and trying to post on each chapter I read. Curiously enough, I haven't seen this ones being shared.

Jeremiah 6

 16 This is what the LORD says:

   “Stand at the crossroads and look;

   ask for the ancient paths,

ask where the good way is, and walk in it,

   and you will find rest for your souls.

   But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ 

"We will not!" As always, my sinful nature runs to point others in this description, until my Spirit had to land my mind that that is me. Do you ask for the ancient paths and where the good way is? And when showed, do you walk it?
Lately, my soul has not found much rest, so I'm guessing that would be a no. Again, my sinful nature justifies that this unrestfulness comes from a heavy-burden job, the large list of family problems you've been enduring, and, never missing out, your health. I had a slightly rough morning last thursday yet I ended up crying my eyes out on the bathroom and it was only 8 am! I thought it was a "hormonal" thing. The next day I found myself crying again and feeling thoroughly unhappy in my job. It then hit me! It was not hormonal or emotional; it was spiritual. I had missed two grattitude mondays and with this past monday, I'm up to three!

Jeremiah 7

9 “‘Will you steal and murder, commit adultery and perjury, burn incense to Baal and follow other gods you have not known, 10 and then come and stand before me in this house, which bears my Name, and say, “We are safe”—safe to do all these detestable things? 11 Has this house, which bears my Name, become a den of robbers to you? But I have been watching! declares the LORD. 

Jeremiah 8

6 I have listened attentively,

but they do not say what is right.

None of them repent of their wickedness,

saying, “What have I done?”

Each pursues their own course

like a horse charging into battle. 

Jeremiah 9

3 “They make ready their tongue

like a bow, to shoot lies;

it is not by truth

that they triumph in the land.

They go from one sin to another;

they do not acknowledge me,”

declares the LORD.

Again, I feel God's hurt for the rebellion of His people. Now I'm gonna write about really "touchy" subjects for mainly Christians, yet I share my honest, open heart here. I was talking with an atheist co-worker having the typical Evolution/Creation and does God exists or not debate. It was the first time I had a talk with an atheist that wanted to make me deny God by what's in the Bible about Him. "Is that the god you follow? A god that sends his angel to murder Egypt's newborns, a god that sends his people to leave no one from X tribe alive, including the women and children?" I've seen similar posts on 9 gag where they dare mock God. See, Christians have popularized the romantic idea that God does things for the good of human beings. God does EVERYTHING for the glory of His name! He answers to none of us and none of us have authority to question Him, only the right to obey Him. My atheist friend was a bit shocked by my answers. He is used to the Christians trying to explain this parts of the Bible in a manner that still fits their belief God is at work for the good of mankind. I explained to him that there is a difference between being a murderer and being the Creator and owner of everything. Everything is His to do what He wills. We forget that and forget what true fear of the Lord is. And this people of Judah in these chapters of Jeremiah seriously did.

Jeremiah 9 

9 Should I not punish them for this?”

declares the LORD.

“Should I not avenge myself

on such a nation as this?” 

11 “I will make Jerusalem a heap of ruins,

a haunt of jackals;

and I will lay waste the towns of Judah

so no one can live there.”

Oh, THESE are the verses atheist love to quote: the wrath of God while christians quote the "He is always with me" verses. Where are those reading attentively to God saying:

Jeremiah 7

2“‘Hear the word of the LORD, all you people of Judah who come through these gates to worship the LORD. 3 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Reform your ways and your actions, and I will let you live in this place.

5 If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, 6 if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, 7then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your ancestors for ever and ever. 

13While you were doing all these things, declares the LORD, I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called you, but you did not answer. 

19 But am I the one they are provoking? declares the LORD. Are they not rather harming themselves, to their own shame? 

28 Therefore say to them, ‘This is the nation that has not obeyed the LORD its God or responded to correction. Truth has perished; it has vanished from their lips. 

God's mercy is new each morning. I guess if I where to be meditating on that rather than pondering on how much I hate my job, I would still find rest for my soul. It is by pure grace we were given Jesus and by pure mercy we are not smitten to destruction. I was telling my sister: "Even if a person woke up in the worst case scenario possible, but he were a believer, he would still wake up being capable of being immensely grateful in his life because of Christ's blood and saving love" and that is hard truth we MUST live by.

Still, I am a romantic and God's Word is also equipped to comfort and fill us with promises, so I also share the popular verses in Jeremiah:

Jeremiah 9 

23 This is what the LORD says:

“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom

or the strong boast of their strength

or the rich boast of their riches,

24 but let the one who boasts boast about this:

that they have the understanding to know me,

that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,

justice and righteousness on earth,

for in these I delight,”

declares the LORD.

Let me grow to your liking and delight, Father, and may my soul find rest being grateful for your unworthy love.

Love you, Jesus!

Learning fear of the Lord

There has been so much going on in my life in just the 10 days in 2012. I am confident, however, though they are scary changes, they are good changes. But, my heart and mind are not yet ready to share or even ponder about them right now and everything is too tangled up to even make sense. Instead, I'd like to continue my study on Jeremiah.

I think there are so many misconceptions about God that we christians are not setting straight. I read facebook status that say things like: "God is interested in you, not in what you do" and that gets many likes. Yes it sounds really nice, but the phrase is so ambiguous and untrue. No wonder this generation's christians are deemed "light".

And then I take a look at verses like these:

Jeremiah 3

1 “If a man divorces his wife 

and she leaves him and marries another man, 

should he return to her again?

Would not the land be completely defiled?

But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers— 

would you now return to me?” 

declares the LORD. 

3 Therefore the showers have been withheld, 

and no spring rains have fallen.

Yet you have the brazen look of a prostitute;

you refuse to blush with shame. 

4 Have you not just called to me:

‘My Father, my friend from my youth, 

5 will you always be angry? 

Will your wrath continue forever?’ 

This is how you talk, 

but you do all the evil you can.”

Oh, my mind is already ahead of you, dear reader.. "But this was the old testament. We live in the covenant of grace now.." thinketh this sinful mind. Defiled land, prostitute. I don't think God would use these words if he was not interested in what Israel was doing, and He was only interested in His chosen people. Why do you want to believe you can flirt with the world and not realize you become defiled land unworthy for the Lord. Do you think God will just watch your rebellion and do nothing about it!

12.. “‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the LORD, 

‘I will frown on you no longer, 

for I am faithful,’ declares the LORD, 

‘I will not be angry forever. 

13 Only acknowledge your guilt— 

you have rebelled against the LORD your God,

Seriously, our God is too good. How many times have I questioned what God does in my life when it was my rebellion that got me there!

Jeremiah 4

18 “Your own conduct and actions 

have brought this on you. 

This is your punishment. 

How bitter it is! 

How it pierces to the heart!” 

Jeremiah 5

24 They do not say to themselves, 

‘Let us fear the LORD our God, 

who gives autumn and spring rains in season, 

who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest.’

"Only acknowledge your guilt.." hmmm. I ponder on this part of the verse for quite some time. People (me included) always claim guilt being brought about by the devil and we should avoid feeling guilt and embrace Jesus' forgiveness instead. So I wonder: is feeling guilt something good? I guess that I need to apply semantics here. The verse says "acknowledge" not "feel." Guilt is not meant to commiserate or victimize. It is meant to acknowledge your place before God and how amazing He is for having you still before Him. It should move you never to rebel before such a God again. It should stir fear of the Lord that He is righteous, He giveth and taketh away!

What moves me most is the fact that God kept calling Israel to return. Like the Father He is, always there waiting for our return, never to become astray again. So no, Father, I will not be a defiled land, but a faithful land for You.

These aren't popular feel-good christian verses like the ones they so love to paste on facebook. Do you "refuse to blush in shame"? Have you forgotten God gave you everything, including the seasons? I don't want to fall in neither. Guard and keep me from this; as for me, I'll guard my heart above all things and serve the You Lord eagerly.

I Dream, Because God Has a Plan For Me

Post by my dear daughter Adina!

"Then Job replied to the LORD: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.' ...My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."

Job 42:1-2, 5 (NIV 1984)

Stick with me... With what the Lord put in my heart for the past couple of weeks.
I'll be honest... Sometimes, I don't fully trust God has prepared good things for me, for my family, for my friends, for others... Because I am human.

This past year was riddled with home issues, loss of others, empty gas tanks and hard work/studies for those I Iove. Family and friends alike have endured relationship troubles, health complications, the passing of loved ones, unemployment, cars breaking down, churches falling apart and the list goes on...
Pain of troubles and pain of loss... But circumstances can change in a moment... And the truth of the matter is: God never changes.
His power to give a future and hope never change. His Word never changes.

So when life gives us stories of doubt and hopelessness in God's authority over circumstances, I reread accounts of His faithfulness and redemption. I refer back to the Truth:

*All the while Job's family, home, crops and health demolished... God was preparing to give him double of what was killed, stolen, lost and damaged.
*When Ruth was a homeless, barren widow... God was creating a home in Boaz's heart for her to be a wife, and mother, and great, great, great-grandmother to His Son, Jesus!
*Every time Saul crucified Christians... God saw Paul preaching the crucified Christ.


*When Esther was an orphaned girl shaking in fear for her life... God made a way for His daughter to shake a kingdom and save His people.

*When Peter lost faith and denied Christ... God saw him bringing many to faith as he proclaimed Christ.

*As Moses killed an Egyptian with his hands... God saw him chiseling the Ten Commandments with those same hands.

*At the time Mary saw Jesus die...God saw Jesus resurrected and seated on His heavenly throne!

No matter what the circumstances were, God turned each into a hopeful future.

Despite what is happening in life, these stories of redemption and hope speak the truth.
I dream because God has a plan for me.

As we begin this New Year... We dream.

We dream because He can do everything for us!!!

Dear Lord, I'm so grateful You not only see my future, but You've planned something big for these girls Thank You for Your faithfulness last year, and for recording the stories of our lives You change all

the time. You turned pasts into hopeful futures. We love you so much!

I am I truly lowly; the worst sinner... And You know our hearts... Please make these amazing friends in my life the highest of your servants.

I ask that You do the same for their circumstances this New Year. :) In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Hello 2012!!!

I wanted my first post of the year be a little different, but I also thought my end of the year would go differently. I remember I woke up last friday thinking: "I must prepare for the worst weekend and end of year of my life." Not very encouraging or hopeful! My sweet daughters Denise and Sarai had come for a sleepover on  thursday December 22nd and made this song. We were unable to record it but were able to do so today.

The lyrics speak of what my prayer has been this past month. Judging by my inspiring waking thought this past friday, I guess I wasn't really believing it. It's a good thing my God is faithful. This new year's was quite a surprise and a gift from Him. 

I got to see my dad and my aunts from his side of the family. Got to go with my sister to my grandparents house and spend some time with my mom and her family there. Got to take my mom to my in-laws and have a lovely time there. Went to pick daughters Denise and Sarai and son Kike (:P) and spend some time in my house (try all morning till 6:30 am!). And I thought I was not gonna do anything this new year's!

Times are hard, yet my loving God gives me days like this and family and friends like this. Hope you like our first daughters-mother collaborative song. Hope there are more to come. We were still in bed, just minutes after we woke up from a gruelling night  (our faces show how tired we are, especially mommy) , so please be nice! :). You can hear Rodol and Kike making noise in the living room :P

Can't wait for grattitude monday, although I'm already jumping with thanks right now!

Happy new year!

Learning joy

Me and the hubby at my uncle's wedding

Pit and I have our traditional silly christmas shoot

My mom soooo beautiful

My family with me on christmas... so blessed :')

When I thought of writing a post on joy, I wanted to do a very sistematic approach on definitions, Bible verses and contrasts. However, this is not that kind of blog. It is not meant to teach or convict. It is merely my own revelations and truth I learn as I walk with God.

Joy used to mean to me: to feel happy and good inside, and I wonder how I sought this "joy." Webster's New World Dictionary defines joy as synonymous with "happy," "glad," and "cheerful." A thesaurus relates it to "exultation," "rapture," "satisfaction" and "pleasure." Yes, this last two were my personal definition: satisfaction and pleasure. The first four month of 2011 where probably the most unsatisfactory and unhappy days of my life.

I thought I lived a joyful life because I tried to live a life of serving. I spent probably more hours at church in my youth than at home. It brought me great satisfaction and pleasure to serve in different ministries at church: 180°(youth church), music band, Bible study group, etc. I thought my joy was in the right place for ALL of these I was doing for God, but was I really? As I grew up and learned many things, saw many things, lost many friends, had differences of opinions and crossed feelings, the satisfaction and pleasure of doing the above diminished, hence my joy diminished. Today, as a busy married woman, a working adult, a barely-ever-have-spare-time-to-do-what-I-love girl, the day by day brings no satisfaction or pleasure. I'm barely involved in these ministries and, if I am, I find them a burden instead.

Then the lie that joy will come from finding the "one" (I could write another post(book) on this subject of the "one", but another time maybe (mental note)). I have found my one to share my life with. I would use up the whole post to describe how amazing he is, but he truly is. But, alas, joy eluded me still those first four months being almost a newlywed! If you are expecting a man or a woman to make your life joyful, you are mistaken. Not only do you have tons to accept, but you have more tons of change to do. I remember my hubby telling me he was worried he wouldn't make me happy and I said to him: "Why would that worry you if that is not your job? Why would it worry you if my happiness does not depend on you?" And it is a good things we have both learned this (for I worried as well :P) Your spouses job is to love you, not make you happy. To be happy is your job and depends on God. 

This year taught me many things, most importantly: life is harder than you think. It is definitely no walk in the park. You know, if your mother ever tells you when you grow up you'll finally understand her and see what she sees and means, she is not lying one bit and she is probably withholding. Boy, Oh boy, is life hard. If you are not working, you are doing errands. If you are not tired, you are sick. If you are not paying bills, you are paying debts. If you have free time, there is no money to go out. Money is hard to make and barely lasts, time is short and barely enough, everything around you demands of you: the house needs cleaning, the clothes and dishes needs washing, the car needs parts and repairs, the dogs need feeding and bathing, the food needs cooking..... And I still have no kids!! Please don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I'm just trying to portray how hard life has become, and I am pretty sure there are bunches of people having a harder life than mine. You know the phrase: "youth is wasted on the young"? I'm not sure it is, it's just they are so oblivious. I surely was. I have expressed here many times how much admiration I have for my mother and how it grows and grows everytime. Be grateful at how easy your parents make your life and never complain because your main responsibility is to study and do homework; THAT is a walk on the park!

This brings me back to my ecclesiastes posts and the toils under the sun. I was talking with a friend the other day and we were talking of life and love and why. He told me he stopped caring about life and I said: "What you need is to read my last blog post."(where I spoke of being in awe of God) and he said: "Nah, what I really need is a million dollars." This is another lie that joy will come if you have money. I'm not gonna lie, this has crossed my mine and my heart has desired it. "Life would be more satisfactory if I had more money," the world thinks and I too. And every raise I've had since I began working has brought no drop of joy to my life, no sign of relief and release.

I think 2011 was my year of revelations. As for joy, I had one this christmas. I think not even the christmas were my parents had just gotten divorce can match the pain, affliction, agony, concerns, anxiety I felt this season. Yet it was my most joyful christmas. Ah, the paradox! Is it ironic? is it contradictory? Is it GOD? Oh yes, God. Finally my joy were it should! Here is one of my favorite revelations on joy: It is a fruit of the Spirit, hence only a believer can have joy.

Joy is this to me:

Remembering the cross: To think the price for my life is the blood of my precious Jesus. My worthless, sinful, low life is worth His glorious, perfect, precious life. Been a while since tears of joy fall down my cheeks as I write. My God has provided me with salvation through His Son!

Psalms 63:5-7 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

1 Peter 1:8-9 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

His mercy is new each day: or else I would have already been obliterated by His wrath. I fail so much and He remains faithful. That brings joy to my heart.

Psalm 90:14  O satisfy us with Your mercy and loving-kindness in the morning [now, before we are older], that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. 

It is His plan: And His plan is good and perfect says the Bible. He has control, He has knowledge of what He is doing. And it may seem hard, and I may not understand, but I can rest, worry no more, and trust the Creator. That brings me joy.

Psalm 16: 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my glory [my inner self] rejoices; my body too shall rest and confidently dwell in safety. 

Psalm 5:11But let all those who take refuge and put their trust in You rejoice; let them ever sing and shout for joy, because You make a covering over them and defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You and be in high spirits. 

Hope: This hard life is not forever. Jesus has spoken of the houses He is preparing for us in heaven. There will be a day when we will see Him and our joy will be complete.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the 

Psalm 16: 11 Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore. 

I'm sure the revelations on joy will continue. Joy comes from what God does and what He gives, not what I do or have. Above I wrote that to be happy is YOUR job. Here is what the Bible says: 

1 Thesalonians 5:16 Be joyful always.

Letting sorrow fill your heart, specially when life is hard and times are bad, is a temptation we must not fall into. There is too much to be joyful for. As much pain and struggle I see in my family more than ever, I choose joy, because I rejoice in the Lord; and no matter the circumstances, I can always rejoice because of the Lord and for the Lord.

Merry Christmas!

How many gifts this christmas!

*299 My mom, sister, and my brother (he was supposedly not coming) spent christmas with me!!!
*300 A picnic under the wind mills with my sis Pit and my daughter Denise, and my hubby nicknamed by the girls "Bimbi" :P
*301 A night with my mother and her hands caressing me. (mental note: write a poem of your mom's hands!)
*302 A loving husband, my greatest gift from God this year. Oh, I am so fortunate, so humbled.
*303 A christmas music box by the hubby! Never had one before.
*304 A wedding spent in dancing with my family
*305 My mom's fractured toe :'( ... God knows why and I'm grateful.
*306 My sister's confidence in me.
*307 Time spent with my dad and his family on christmas too.
*308 Food! I am full and happy.
*309 A night with daughters Denise and Sarai. It was such an awesome time!
*310 Salsa lessons for the family from Pit!
*311 My famous torrejas (honduran traditional christams desert)
*312 A lunch for the in-laws at my little house.
*313 Being able to sing at the christmas special and losing my voice till it was over.
*314 A lovely christmas play by the youth church. So proud of their hard work. It was amazing and many new people came to see it and hear the gospel.
*315 A lovely time with Danny and Carlos Arturo taking Pit out.
*316 A lovely dinner with Tito, Roy, and Carlos again with Pit and Rodol-
*317 Real España lost the championship. Hope the hubby is also giving thanks for this.
*318 Getting sick yesterday but being able to go to work today without murmuring much. :P

In awe of my God?

I don't even know how to try to attempt at making this a short post. There is so much to say, so much to repent, so much to learn.

I remember when I was young I thoroughly enjoyed studying the books of Jeremiah, Isaiah, and Ezequiel when I read them the first time. I have read them again several times since, but never did it have that taste it had the first time. So, I decided I wanted to study these books next a little more closely and calmly. I was so rebuked by this chapter in Jeremiah, I wanted to share those teachings with you.

Jeremiah 2

1 The word of the LORD came to me: 2 “Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem:

   “This is what the LORD says:

   “‘I remember the devotion of your youth,

how as a bride you loved me

and followed me through the wilderness,

   through a land not sown.

3 Israel was holy to the LORD,

   the firstfruits of his harvest;

all who devoured her were held guilty,

   and disaster overtook them,’”

            declares the LORD.

I remember when I began my walk with the Lord. I was a scrawny, tall twelve year old girl meeting people who had a relationship and a walk with God for the first time. I remember being surprised by the fact they would talk about God in such a personal manner. "I'm sleepy," my classmates shares, "I spent all night talking with God and singing praise." She was just two years older than me. How was that possible? I wanted and craved that too. So my walk with God began with a bang! I wanted to know everything about Him, His Word, His purpose for my life. I wanted my relationship with God to produce what these young people's relationship with God had produced in me.

 4 Hear the word of the LORD, you descendants of Jacob,

   all you clans of Israel.

 5 This is what the LORD says:

   “What fault did your ancestors find in me,

   that they strayed so far from me?

They followed worthless idols

   and became worthless themselves.

6 They did not ask, ‘Where is the LORD,

   who brought us up out of Egypt

and led us through the barren wilderness,

   through a land of deserts and ravines,

a land of drought and utter darkness,

   a land where no one travels and no one lives?’

7 I brought you into a fertile land

   to eat its fruit and rich produce.

But you came and defiled my land

   and made my inheritance detestable.

8 The priests did not ask,

   ‘Where is the LORD?’

Those who deal with the law did not know me;

   the leaders rebelled against me.

The prophets prophesied by Baal,

   following worthless idols.

 9 “Therefore I bring charges against you again,”

            declares the LORD.

   “And I will bring charges against your children’s children.

10 Cross over to the coasts of Cyprus and look,

   send to Kedar[a] and observe closely;

   see if there has ever been anything like this:

11 Has a nation ever changed its gods?

   (Yet they are not gods at all.)

But my people have exchanged their glorious God

   for worthless idols.

12 Be appalled at this, you heavens,

   and shudder with great horror,”

declares the LORD.

It all happened so quickly. Was there anything I should have done or could have done to stop it? Can I do something about it today? A whole generation of young people who had served beside me, astray. What happened to the lives committed to God we had talked about and dreamed about together? The great comission that was supposedly burning in our hearts? And I "remained," but did I really? And as I read these passages and examine myself and not others, I do shudder with great horror at the thought: "have I exchanged my glorious God for worthless idols?"

13 “My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

   the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

   broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

14 Is Israel a servant, a slave by birth?

   Why then has he become plunder?

15 Lions have roared;

   they have growled at him.

They have laid waste his land;

   his towns are burned and deserted.

16 Also, the men of Memphis and Tahpanhes

   have cracked your skull.

17 Have you not brought this on yourselves

   by forsaking the LORD your God

   when he led you in the way?

18 Now why go to Egypt

   to drink water from the Nile[b]?

And why go to Assyria

   to drink water from the Euphrates?

19 Your wickedness will punish you;

   your backsliding will rebuke you.

Consider then and realize

   how evil and bitter it is for you

when you forsake the LORD your God

   and have no awe of me,”

 declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.

"No awe of me, declares the Lord".... What if these were the words God would speak of me: "You have no awe of me!" What if He'd asked me: "Where is the love you had for Me in your youth?" And of course this sinful heart of mine would try to justify: "The days have been hard, the struggles have torn me, time is no where to find, labour is always on my back, sickness overtakes my body," and maybe even throw a: "I have been alone." But seriously, would all these excuses have any weight if I were truly in awe of my glorious God?

 20 “Long ago you broke off your yoke

   and tore off your bonds;

   you said, ‘I will not serve you!’

Indeed, on every high hill

   and under every spreading tree

   you lay down as a prostitute.

21 I had planted you like a choice vine

   of sound and reliable stock.

How then did you turn against me

   into a corrupt, wild vine?

22 Although you wash yourself with soap

   and use an abundance of cleansing powder,

   the stain of your guilt is still before me,”

       declares the Sovereign LORD.

23 “How can you say, ‘I am not defiled;

   I have not run after the Baals’?

See how you behaved in the valley;

   consider what you have done.

You are a swift she-camel

   running here and there,

24 a wild donkey accustomed to the desert,

   sniffing the wind in her craving—

   in her heat who can restrain her?

Any males that pursue her need not tire themselves;

   at mating time they will find her.

25 Do not run until your feet are bare

and your throat is dry.

But you said, ‘It’s no use!

I love foreign gods,

   and I must go after them.’

This is true of my generation. It saddens me to say this, but it's true. It is true for me as well. Yes, I try to seek God, but not with the fervent, starving, craving desire I use to. He is no longer my waking thought everyday. I have fought Him and resisted Him. I have questioned Him when He has been always good, always there.

 26 “As a thief is disgraced when he is caught,

   so the people of Israel are disgraced—

they, their kings and their officials,

   their priests and their prophets.

27 They say to wood, ‘You are my father,’

   and to stone, ‘You gave me birth.’

They have turned their backs to me

   and not their faces;

yet when they are in trouble, they say,

   ‘Come and save us!’

28 Where then are the gods you made for yourselves?

   Let them come if they can save you

   when you are in trouble!

For you, Judah, have as many gods

   as you have towns.

 29 “Why do you bring charges against me?

   You have all rebelled against me,”

            declares the LORD.

I could pretty much translate this to: "Why are you questioning your God when you have changed Him for your own wisdom and ways, for the world's wisdom and ways. Why do you ask your God to save you now? If you chose ways that aren't His, shouldn't they save you? Didn't you trade your almighty God for the worthlessness of this world!"

30 “In vain I punished your people;

   they did not respond to correction.

Your sword has devoured your prophets

   like a ravenous lion.

 31 “You of this generation, consider the word of the LORD:

   “Have I been a desert to Israel

   or a land of great darkness?

Why do my people say, ‘We are free to roam;

   we will come to you no more’?

32 Does a young woman forget her jewelry,

   a bride her wedding ornaments?

Yet my people have forgotten me,

   days without number.

I almost feel God's hurt of Him trying to turn His people's heart back to Him, and they have treasures more precious than Him; Him Who gave them all. Makes me feel ashamed.

33 How skilled you are at pursuing love!

   Even the worst of women can learn from your ways.

34 On your clothes is found

   the lifeblood of the innocent poor,

   though you did not catch them breaking in.

Yet in spite of all this

 35 you say, ‘I am innocent;

   he is not angry with me.’

But I will pass judgment on you

   because you say, ‘I have not sinned.’

36 Why do you go about so much,

   changing your ways?

You will be disappointed by Egypt

as you were by Assyria.

37 You will also leave that place

   with your hands on your head,

for the LORD has rejected those you trust;

   you will not be helped by them.

God is way too merciful these days. I sometimes wonder how does He dare receive me in His pressence. I hurt for I know I have sinned. Yes, others too have sinned, but I answer before God for myself and not for others. I don't want it to be said of me: "How skilled you are at pursuing love" like a wild animal that ignorantly seeks whereever she thinks she might find it but will never satisfy it, so she'll continue wildly seeking. I want to remain in such awe of You there are no excuses to seek you earnestly, passionately, life-dependently :)

How loving and merciful You are. It was us who forsake You, and You who have truly remained. I praise You for always calling me back to You. You don't give up on me even when I say: "there is just no worth in trying again." You are my God. I mustn't forget that. You are my glorious God!

This season is crazy and there is so much to do, seriously I have had no rest. Yet I am in awe of You revealing truth and repent to me during this hard, hard time; where I can truly practice giving you the highest place of worth in my life and let go of everything else. I will find rest in You for I trust in an awesome God that is always with me. This christmas is for You first and foremost!

And as always, more than yesterday,
!!! I love You!!!