Journaling

Dear Father,

You know, back when I began journaling in 1999 (Seriously??!!! WOW) I used to write down every single thought on my mind. This is the reason I had a disclaimer on the first page of the journals for curious eyes. I thought of doing that here, but there are some things that are still for that secret place of ours (Wish I had written down the tabs for that song I wrote. lol).

Mainly, all the writing was just my heart being poured completely to You, and, somehow, receiving wisdom, answers, light, mercy, and more in that same writing (Kind of me writing the first part and You the second). I loved how I could talk to You about anything and everything. It made You a real friend of mine. Made You the person I wanted to tell Him about my day, open my heart, say my thoughts. I would thank you for a new set of color pens. Tell You of a quarrel I had with a friend. Cry when I was hurt. Tell you of my vacation or trip. Tell You of my doubts and fears. Tell You everything! I have been influenced by other blogs to make this one relational for others or even "teachy", but it was not the purpose for which I began it.

I started it for many reasons: 1) I was not finding time to sit and write on my paper journal; I have the computer with me all day and could make the time. 2) I was dieing to have that close relationship with You again and recorded on writing. 3) I wanted it to be public so my family away could still know my heart, joys, and struggles. 4) SO that others could read of an honest relationship with You, with no hidden agendas or intentions, just my everyday life with You.

I will try to write this post as I would in my journal.

Hello Daddy,
How are things up in heaven? I saw the sky when I went outside the office and thought of Your awesome magnificence and creativity. Wish I could paint like You. Speaking of painting, I had been dieing to do some crafts (don't get to do many now that I am no longer a teacher) and I made an inspirational board and a picture frame to embellish the fridge. It turned out pretty nice!

In the board I wrote down some scribbles of a sermon by Gustavo Zepeda about weak woman. While he spoke of the qualities of weak women, I made two lists: his list of qualities of weak women, and the antithesis. I had them on the fridge already, but in the back of a envelope in pencil. They look quite nice now and hopefully will draw an eye from visitors. Mainly, I want it to remind ME of the two lists and which one is prevailing in my life, where in the list I stand, and which areas I am being a weak woman.

I am glad to report I have been moving some qualities I was strongly in the weak side over to the strong side (with time with You, Your Word, and Prayer. Never could I alone). But, there are still areas I am stuck in the weak area. Very much stuck. One of them: soft answer. Ugh, that proverb of the soft answer has haunted me forever.

I have a post it on the top right corner of my screen with my reminders: drink your eutirox (my daily pill and I still forget), send the daily reports, remember a quiet and gentle spirit, and answer kindly and softly. This are my struggles big time. And with reminders like this, I still fail.

Today I let frogs and snakes out of my mouth in rage (most in my head thankfully). Then I go out and grind myself with guilt and shame. U_U. I am sorry Lord. I want to be a radiant women with kindness, love, and goodness. Guess what's done is done and all I have to do is try again and again.

Yesterday the coolest thing happened to me. I was sitting with Rodol during dinner talking of things our parents did with us that we would like to repeat with our kids. Right that moment I thought: "I want to hear my mom's voice." And a second later, my phone rang with a call from my mom! You are so awesome, Father. Thank You for little "miracles" like that.

I want (well of course You know but I like to tell You and Your Word says You like to hear it!) to go on a vacation next week. I have been planning quite a wild vacation. I don't know if it will be possible, since rodol has to finish his project two days early and I have to be able to get reservations with very short notice. But If it is Your will, please let it happen. And if it is not, show us if we should change the plans or just postpone it. All I ask is that You guard us, give me a grateful attitude, and maybe let us take the trip.

Oh Dad, I am so happy right now. Nothing has changed. I still have the same job, the same church, the same house, same car, same circumstances. You changed my heart, filled it with joy and grattitude, and that makes all the difference.

I forever love You!!!

I think I will make a habit of writing a post of this kind once a week too! I was once thinking what could I do with all those journals I have piled up. Here are some of my ideas, Lord. 1) When my kids are of age, let them read them. 2) Read them myself. You told Josuah to build an altar after crossing the Jordan River so that they wouldn't forget what You had done for them. I love reading what I forgot You had done for me, in me, and taught me.

I hope some is inspired to start journaling and recording the wonders of a relationship with You.