Supernatural reactions

I wake up to cries everyday. Either from my 19 month old or my 3 month old or both baby girls. I am not going to lie, I sometimes linger on my bed hopong they'll go back to sleep and I will get a little more shut-eye time. Sometimes it happens, but more often I have to stand up and tend to them. It's ok, the initial dislike of having to get out of bed rapidly leaves as it is replaced with a child that goes from a cry to an instant smile the moment they see your face.
Do you know what that is like? To have someone immediately feel better and in the mood to smile just by looking at you? And in your just-woken-up morning look?
I feel as though I have a ton of stuff to do and little time to do it and I'm unemployed!
A practical control-freak, I like to get things done in one sitting and as quickly and efficiently as possible. Add a baby that wants only mommy's arms and only mommy can feed her, and that gets a little harder to do. I am learning to love, though, how breastfeeding puts a stop on my day many times during the day. I have to sit down and simply wait. I cannot rush my baby or do anything other than breastfeed. It is not an easy feat for me to do. But it must be done and I must, for those minutes, slow down and stop whatever I am doing.
So many changes in my life right now have me in the brink of desperation. Again, I am not going to sugarcoat how hard a time I've been experiencing, 
Apart from having two baby girls who are fair sleepers but still wake us up during the night, I have been experiencing sharp pain on my legs that, I don't understand why, tends to worsen while I'm laying down. It amuses me, rather than disturb me, when both girls wake up and me and the hubs are at opposite sides of the bed both with one child on our arms rocking them to sleep. We give each other a glance as if saying "How did we get here" and sigh in relief when we are finally able to go back to bed. Sometimes the relief is shortlived and one of the girls, and thankfully usually not both, needs a second rocking back go sleep. We take turns. 
We never thought we would have two babies so close together, and now, all four of us live in the a single room.
I lost my job on June. I had been fearing the school would fire me because I got pregnant just when I started working there. i felt a little better when in December both the school's superintendent and the highschool principal sat with me and gave me a promise I was not losing my job, that they liked my work, and would be renewing my contract. I breathed a little easier afterwards, but I never fully took their word. I suspected so much their intent of firing me that I began a home business during my postnatal in March. I started baking cupcakes, cakes, and cake pops to make a living on the side. I've never considered myself skillfull enough for a business of my own but need is stronger than beliefs, specially when you have two babies. 
But we had to make a decision on our financial situation quick and we decided to move in with my in laws, thus the four of us now share a room where before we had our own full house. 
I don't know how we did it and even my mother-in-law praised my organization skills but in this one single room we managed to put both cribs, both side tables of emmalee's room, our bed, both our side tables, the girl's changing station/dresser that contains all their clothes, our dresser, a plastic dresser that goes inside the closet, all out clothes in a single small closet including our bedding, the tv and tv station, the girl's rocking horse, and my rocking chair, And we still have two-meter square area for the girls to play. In my in-laws laundry room we put our fridge and a pantry for my baking supplies. 
It is definitely a change and a tough adjustment, however I am grateful for the extra arms in the house to help with the girls when I am baking. 
The Lord has shown provision. We have a roof over our heads, electricity, running hot water, even a ceiling fan in the room to help with the heat, food and each other. That is more than a lot have. 
As humans, we want God's provision in the form of the lifestyle we desire, A discontent heart would say God did not provide because I lost the house and was forced to downsize. I have to say, downsizing was my favorite part in all of this. No joke. The more you have, the more you need, and I for one don't need things dragging me down.
At first we didn't have hot water, cable or internet in the room, and the toilet seat was broken. It is hard when you get use to these things and not have them. We do now and I am grateful for it, but I would have loved to learn to live without these as well, except for the hot water. Girl needs her hot water!
It's a difficul living situation for me because you are placing imperfect humans to live with other imperfect humans who clash, argue, and not always see eye to eye. With me being the only one not related in the house, eventhough they say I am like one of their own, I feel an intruder and invader.
God's provision has been shown in how many cakes I've been ordered, eventhough I have zero sales and publicity skills. Seriously, selling something is one the most frightful things you can make me do. To me it's torture! I really envy those who have it naturally. I wish could just worry on baking and not have to deal with the negotiation part of the business. It is harder on me than you think.
I thought the money I got when I got fired would be enough to carry me til August, but it was barely enough for July. I had to buy cheap diapers and Kaylee had a bad reaction to them and now has a huge red rash and her bottom that has been more expensive to treat than her box of normal diapers! And I had to buy her normal diapers too. The saying "cheap comes with a price" is no joke.
All of these things have been pushing me out of my comfort zone.
I was tempted to fall into depression so I started analyzing my situation.
Here is my current situation: I am a stay at home mom with a home business. Now I wish that were enough to provide for my family, but it is not. I am waiting on a call on a job at another school that thankfully is a christian school, so that makes me happier to go back to work; but, in the meantime, I have been given the chance to stay with my girls, no matter the circumstance, and I am going to throw it away by feeling down?!
When the school called me to tell me they wanted me for the job I ran to Emmalee, picked her up and hugged her and told her "I'll be able to buy your diapers" with tears falling from my eyes.
So, to summarize: sleep depraved, change in living situation, pain during the night, sharing a house, broke, dealing with a home business, waiting on a job call, caring for two babies. 
All of these things have made me have some human reactions: sadness, blame, crankyness, moody (especially with the hubs u_u), discontent. You could say my reaction is justifiable to all I've been going through.
I was talking to my very dear friend Tito the other day, He has justifiable reasons to be angry at a person. No one would blame him if he were. Yet not only is he not angry at this person, he refuses to speak ill of the person and even refuse to think ill in his mind either. When I commended him for his example, he said "Only God can give you supernatural reactions." 
Supernatural reactions. The term has been stuck in my head ever since. My reactions are the human natural response. Is that what I want for myself? Tito has the human "right" to be upset, yet he doesn't want any human rights. He wants holiness. He wants to be like Christ and that longing and closeness to God has brought forth supernatural reactions to human situations.
I want that!
It is not going to come naturally or I would already have them just by wishing it. And this is the reason for my trials and the Lord's encouragement of "Consider it pure joy when faced with many trials" (James 1). God is bringing forth holiness in my life. Holy means separated for. I want to be separated for God. Separated from the natural to bring forth the supernatural, which is simply the work of God in your life. It may never come from me and that is why all the glory is to Him. I want my life to glorify Him. My girls and my husband are my ministry from God and it is in that relationship and walk as a mother and wife that I will glorify God with my life. But what example am I for my girls if struggle brings depression and discontent into their mother's heart? 
And so, I fill my cup today with gratitude, joy, and smiles. I chose peace and trust over fear and worries. I choose to feel closer to God safe under His wings than feeling alone and deserted.
I choose supernatural reactions only God can give me. God help me and teach me.