Learning to see

Ecclesiastes 6

9 Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of desire.
This also is vanity and grasping for the wind.

8 The end of a thing is better than its beginning;
The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

9 Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry,
For anger rests in the bosom of fools.
10 Do not say,

“ Why were the former days better than these?”
For you do not inquire wisely concerning this.

12 For wisdom is a defense as money is a defense,
But the excellence of knowledge is that wisdom gives life to those who have it.

14 In the day of prosperity be joyful,
But in the day of adversity consider:
Surely God has appointed the one as well as the other,
So that man can find out nothing that will come after him.

Dear God,
So the time of suffering is more precious than the time of joy? How can this be? I was thinking a lot on these verses to try and interpret why Solomon would say that. Was it really that hard to figure out. Doesn't the whole world turn to God when disaster hits. Look at America; they deny Jesus and ban Him from schools, but come a hurricane and all the news are asking for prayers or "sending them prayers".

Dad, show me how to ha "sight of the eyes than the wandering of desire."
I love You


Learning to rejoice in my labor part two

eclessiastes 3
9 What profit has the worker from that in which he labors? 10 I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

eclessiastes 4
6 Better a handful with quietness
Than both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind.

eclessiastes 5
11 When goods increase,
They increase who eat them;
So what profit have the owners
Except to see them with their eyes?

16 And this also is a severe evil—
Just exactly as he came, so shall he go.
And what profit has he who has labored for the wind?
17 All his days he also eats in darkness,
And he has much sorrow and sickness and anger.

Dear God,
much sorrow and sickness and anger??? Oh, Im shaken by these words for they describe myself in these past days. I was sharing with my mom my job situation, which i have yet to sit down and talk it out with You. So my boss told me that I have been making too many mistakes and the company doesnt wnat me to program for a period of time. I explain the "mistakes" were not entirely mine, and he even accepts this is true. But he tells me I will dedicate to documentation for the next month. He says is so that I can be under less stress and recover my health. I, very boldly, tell him that all he wants is to extract the knowledge of the proyect (which I know best and more comprehensively) so he can fire me afterwards. He promises he wont and he is doing this for my own good.

I love the book of ecclesiastics! It is so eye opening! Everything is vanity. Ive been hating my job and wishing I dont have all the stress of handling the project pretty much on my own. I finally get my wish and my lost, self-centered heart gets upset!

My mom was asking me how I was and I answered sad and very, very, very happy. And I understand more when Solomon says there is a time for everything, a time to weep and a time to laugh. I am sad because I feel I was treated unfairly and I feel I have been given a task of less dignity. So why then am I very, very, very happy? I am surely not getting that job raise I was hoping for. And who knows if my boss will really not fire me and re-instate me in a programming project. why then my overflowing happiness?

Easy: my pride is crushed! I feel inmensely humiliated! And I know how a humbled, broken heart is seen in Your eyes.

Oh, how beautiful to rejoice in the fact that I am humuliated.
How beautiful to rest in the Lord alone and not on my abilities or talents.
How beautiful to know You take care of me.
How beautiful to know what You bring forth with brokeness.
How beautiful to know I will not be forsaken
To know You will bring me back,
To know how much You will mold me in this soft state of heart
To know I can rejoice in injustice
To know the outcome of putting my eyes on You and finally taking them off this world.
" He has made everything beautiful in its time."
" He has put eternity in my heart"

sorrow, sickeness, anger... Yes, that was my state when I was high in my job.
Why was I upset to loose that?

I get off work at 6pm with no extra time. I have more strength to serve and spend time with my husband. I rejoice in being able to eat and drink and no longer worry if I cannot afford other things in life. Your gift to me is a house, food and drink, and my beautiful, caring and loving, healthy and wonderful husband. What else do I need?

"No one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

I love you, Beautiful Father. You are beautiful all the time!


Learning to rejoice in my labor

Eclessiastes 2

11 Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done
And on the labor in which I had toiled;
And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind.
There was no profit under the sun.

15 So I said in my heart,

“ As it happens to the fool,
It also happens to me,
And why was I then more wise?”
Then I said in my heart,

20 Therefore I turned my heart and despaired of all the labor in which I had toiled under the sun

26 For God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His sight; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and collecting, that he may give to him who is good before God. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind.

Dear Lord,

I've spent the past 4 months really despising my job to no extent. I miss with all my heart the joy of my labor when I was a teacher, and I spent my days passing knowledge and wisdom to younger minds, teaching them to seek God with all their hearts.

I now work in the career I studied for and I enjoyed it a little bit. But I feel all I do is work, work,and work. I came seeking guidance in the book of Ecclesiastics cuz it has helped me a lot in the past, specially in these matters.

I see two teachings in these verse above:
first, gathaering more things doesnt make anyone happy; it just adds toil.

the second thing I see here scares me a little:
"For God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His sight; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and collecting"...
God gives joy to a man good in His sight... and gathering and collecting to the sinner.
I dont know what to interpret from this, God. Am i to gather and collect because of my sins. But everyone tells me being newlywed is hard. But then I see other couples not struggling as much. And then I see that I am more blessed than most couples too. this confuses me a lot.

Lately all I think of is how to make more money but work less. Seriously, it is what I spent my time thinking of. This is so vain. I love the book of ecclesiastics for so plainly pointing out how vain this life is. Instead of spending my days contemplating You and rejoicing in You. instead of spending my days being grateful for all You give me. I have this labor, and it sustains my household. I think I would be more bitter and angry if I didnt have the means to help my household. And all this sounds strange for it should be my husband sustaining the household. But he works so hard. I am so blessed by him, and I could have not found a better husband for me. And we have miles to learn, and I love we'll get to learn it together.

money issues, time administration, time together, and labor are just some of the few we are learning right now, Father. I dont want to feel this way anymore. I get so frustrated. All I need to do is eat and drink, and rejoice in my family and in my God with what I have, for everything else in this world is vanity and grasping the wind.

Thank you for changing my heart day by day and bringing me back to You. I want to be good in Your sight, so I might rejoice in my labor. Give me a labor in which I can also serve You, and for the moment, teach me how to serve You right now in the labor I am,

I love you, Father!


Re-learning what God had already taught me over and over?

So, dealing with sickness. I remember when I was younger (12-14) I was always sick, and I would pray and pray that God would heal me. I remember I even got angry at Him and said things like: God, I want to give you my youth. I want to serve you with all my strength. So why is my strength so little? Why don't you heal me so I can serve you better? In this human head of mine, God healing me was in God's best interest. Oh how young and naive!

I remember having a small poem booklet where I even wrote a poem about the great things I would do for God if I was healed. Oh how patiently and lovingly my God had to teach me it was not so. And I learned that I didn't need strength of my own. I had an independent, free, and proud heart. For God to really do His work in me, I needed to be broken. And I learned to serve Him joyfully being broken. And I learned to depend on Him completely, even for strength to walk.

So, it came the day I had my heart bound to God's and I was no longer broken (at least not as much). 

But this foolish being is rebellious and her heart grew hard and proud and independent again. And again Her loving God will not leave her and He will bring her back to Him by any means. For He is a good shepherd Who will bring her back,

So again, 
Im broken and strengthless
finding more joy in life in a long time.
 grateful for this time. 
grateful to need Him so badly.
 To be on my knees holding on 
with every breath to His hand 
learning not to let go
learning I am nothing
learning He has purpose
learning He is good
and learning I have strength in Him
so I am not really broken
and I have all the strength in the world
For my God loves me
and He is Strong