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2/10/2018

Because Jesus said so

I've been raging a spiritual warfare with Satan every night since the robbery in our house.
Yes! You read correctly... Satan. If you do not know who you are battling, the enemy is winning.
My warfare goes a little like this.

12 a.m. in my bed.
"What was that noise? Was it inside the apartment? Is it coming from outside? Is it in the girls' bedroom or is it the upstairs neighbor? Should I go check the girls? I should go see if the door is closed and also check all the windows while you are at it."
"No! Who is your trust, Linda? Are you willing to trust God with your girls?"
"But checking doesn't mean I don't trust Him, does it? Would it be better if I slept with the girls tonight?"
"Again, isn't that not trusting God? If you want to control it, you don't trust Him."
"But other people pray for His protection and still get into danger. It doesn't guarantee anything to pray for protection!"
"So, you are not going to let Him bring you peace? This is just what Satan wants, to keep you worried. Didn't Jesus order you not to be anxious about anything, but to present your request to God in thanksgiving?"
"Yeah, I know that, but I cannot just do nothing, can I? What was that? I heard something this time. I better go check."

This can go on to very early morning, where one of the girls wakes up and asks me to sleep with them and I gladly yield.
It's understandable. (It's what I tell myself to ease myself)

One night I was reading the girls' Bible story of the day, and it was the story of the disciples fishing when Jesus first meets them. The girls' Bible summed it up like this: "The disciples had spent the whole day fishing and hadn't caught a single fish. It was almost dark and time to head back. They had already pulled up their nets in disappointment and were rowing back. Then Jesus came to them and told them to throw the nets again. The disciples were exhausted and had already tried where Jesus told them to throw the nets. But they complied because Jesus had told them to. They threw their nets once more and had to ask for help to pull out all the fishes they caught. It was a miracle just because they did what Jesus said."

I pondered on the story alone. It had hit home really hard.
They obeyed because Jesus had said so.
It is Jesus Who we are talking about, Linda.
Yes! Bad things do happen. Bad things will happen.
Jesus said this to you personally.
But He personally promised to be with me every day of my life as well.
I have to trust Him that whatever happens, He looks after us.
This world is crazy and sometime this life on this earth feels vain and meaningless.
We had worked so hard to have two robbers just take it all in a few minutes.
And they shattered all our comfort of living in a "safer" country.
There is no safe place on this planet.
But we can trust God loves us, and He is strong, and He is able.
So, tonight, I will try not to have that internal battle.
And tonight I'll simply tell Satan: Can I trust God? YES! Yes, I can, because Jesus said so.

What have I to fear? The Lord Almighty looks over them.



2/06/2018

What you do matters, mama!

Yesterday I had my last holiday visitor go back home (I hosted my mother-in-law for a month and a half, my father for a week and a half, and my father-in-law for two weeks all from Honduras).
I felt the compulsory need to really clean the house- you know, REALLY clean it. It was obsessive and thorough. I scrubbed every inch of the bathrooms and kitchen, vacuumed under the beds and furniture, and threw everything to wash. It was exhausting and it took all day. My girls, thus, were left to the mercy of the new Pocoyo season during all that cleaning (I'm so grateful these new seasons have more educational content!)

After I was done, naturally, I felt the need to the same cleaning on myself. As I was taking a shower and checking myself (yes, even without breasts I still self check. Self check, ladies!), I wondered what would happened if my breast cancer recurred. Would today matter? They would certainly find someone else to do the cleaning. So, was the day spent in vain?

When your mortality is as evident as it is in my everyday, you question more often the value of what you do with your time. But everyone's mortality could be imminent. I couldn't help thinking of the words of the book of Ecclesiastes: everything under the Sun is vanity.  Did I waste my day doing something no one would miss me for and could easily replace? I was too exhausted afterwards to take the girls to the park or play hide and seek with them.

I then remembered that my youngest had a vaginal rash a few days ago. I know this has to do with her learning to self-clean and self-wash, but the clean environment I keep around her keeps her safe as well. It does matter.

As I came out of my bath and joined the girls in bed to watch Pocoyo, my eldest gave me a kiss. "Thanks for the clean house, mom. It smells delicious," she whispered in my ear. My husband came back home from work and was very surprised I had done all that work (We both woke up at 4 am to drop my father-in-law at the airport and were extremely exhausted and sleep deprived.) He also kissed me and said thank you. "It's my job," I replied. "Even so, I want to show gratitude for what you do," he replied.

But this isn't so most of the time. I didn't even get a thank you for cooking both Christmas and New Year's meals from them. Sometimes our work goes underappreciated. Sometimes our work goes unnoticed (especially with young ones who will leave the house in the prior state as soon as you come out your bath). Sometimes it feels in vain. Sometimes it feels it doesn't matter.

That is why surrounding yourself with other mothers is so important. No one understands you better than another mama. I wanted to strangle my sister (no kids) when she compared her pre-school teaching job to raising kids at home. "If I can make 25 kids behave, surely you should be able to keep your girls from throwing a tantrum." I just nodded while taking it in and holding the tears inside. I immediately called a mom friend. As soon as she was infuriated along me, I knew my sister might have meant well (or at least you hope so) but had no idea what she was talking about.

Are you a supportive mom? Are you a judgmental mom? Do other moms feel they can come to you for counsel or outlet? Are you making sure you are seeking counsel and outlet? We don't have to do this alone, you know? Motherhood is wonderful, but it is so hard. It is so HARD!! And, unfortunately, only other moms know just how hard. But guess what? God also knows too!

Look at this Psalm with me:
Psalm 55
1 Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.
2 Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise; (It does feel a lot like us, doesn't it?)

4 My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me.
5 Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.
6 And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.(This has so been me since the robbery in my house two weeks ago! Specially with the robbers coming in through my daughters' bedroom window.)

13 But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
14 We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
(See what I say about being there for each other?)

22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee.
(What a sweet truth!)

Matthew 11
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Remember to encourage a mom today! I love you, mamas! Moms rule, they really do!