Where are You, God?

Seriously? Where are You? 

I am feeling in despair, Lord. Everything just seems to go wrong, and I sit here and wonder, where are You? Are You listening to our prayers? Are You listening to my cries? 

I've often found clarity in my thoughts through writing, so here I go in search for You. 

Lord, everything seems to be going wrong. I am angry with you. Why did you take me out of my previous job to a better job, a job I have come to love and cherish, just to have it end the way it did?  Why?

Emmalee has an infected tooth that is going to cost us 375$ to fix if we want to save her four top incissors. If we don't, she risks the infection reching her bones or her brain. If she looses her teeth, we risk a speech impediment. Why?

We took the car today to have a repair done. We were thinking it was only a 50$ repair. Now it turns out it is a 180$ repair! A month after another car repair had cost us 300$. Why?

Rodolfo has been looking for a job since Janaury 1st of this year. We pray every morning for a job for him. We have tried everywhere, every contact, every friend, every work place. Nothing. Why?

Where are You? 

Where are You!

And then I can see it.

You are in my mother, who goes beyond her capabilities to support us and helps us through these hard times. "Where would we be without her?" I always ask, You are in my father, who for the first time in years has a business go right and what does he do with his earnings? He uses them to bless me and my family. You are in my Aunt Juanita, who has been seeking to help me keep my job and who sends us unbidden finantial support. You are in my friends and collegues, who advocate for me before my superiors. You are in my friends who are prayer warriors for us and offer encouragement. You are in my husband, who is loving, hard working, patient, and a good father. You are in my girls, who grow more beautiful, smart, taller, healthier each day with a great love for their mother. 

I had been receiving encouragement from my Bible studies of Your names. I had a lot of free time in school last week and wanted to finish the two lessons of the course. I allowed Satan to win that battle. I didn't want to hear You are Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord provides when I had been wondering where You've been.

As I said in the beginning of the post, I find clarity in my writing. 

Where is Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord provides? 

He is in the Cross, providing salvation of my soul for me. He is in the Cross providing a way for me to the Father, opening a path in which I can have fellowship with Him and walk with Him. 

Where is Jehovah-Shalom, the Lord is my peace? 

He is there in the Cross, giving me the peace that nothing in this world can separate me from His love and His hand because His sacrifice for me is enough to cover my sins. He is in the promise that I will not want. In the promise that he feeds the birds and clothes the fields and will do so with me. 

Where is Jehovah-Raah, the Lord is my shepherd?

He is in His Word, that guides me and renews my heart to be free from the bondage of sin. 

He is in the promise that even though I walk through the valley of death and sorrow, no evil will come to me because You are with me.

Where is Jehovah- Tsidkenu, the Lord is my righteousness?

Well, I definitely hope He gives me justice for the injustice I experienced, but He never promised an easy life. He promised He would be there. He is in the Cross, dying to pay the righteous debt I had against Him so that I could be justified through faith.

Where is Jehovah Nissi, the Lord is my banner?

He is there in the promise that everything that happens to us is for our good. He is in His will for us which is good, agreeable, and perfect. He is in the Cross telling us that if we believe in Him no one will take us from His hand. He will be with us until the end of time. 

Where is El Shadai, the fruitful One?

He is the one Who promised to refined us, but it was to be done through fire. He is the One Who asks us to consider it great joy when facing many trials because this perfects our faith and, in turn, perfects our love for Him. He is the loving God Who will not leave us in the state He found us, but works in us to make us more like Him. It is not an easy road and it hurts. The only meaningful change in our old sinful man hurts. 

El Shadai is also the One Who is sufficient. He is sufficient to meet our needs, even if it is not in the ways we want. 

Where is El Elyon, the possessor of everything and most high God? Or El Elohim, the creator of everything?

I battled with this one. Possessor of everything, can't you provide my husband with the job we need? Yes He can, but He has far greater things in sight than our material needs. He sees our hearts and our need to depend in Him wholeheartedly. 

He is in the Cross. The most High God, possessor and creator of everything, is in the Cross having taken the lowly form of man and shedding His precious untained blood and life for our life. 

To the Cross! To the foot of the Cross I must go and surrender to the will of my Lord. 

Would I be seeking where He is if everything went my way? 

Would I learn to value the Cross as I do today?

Would I learn His greatness even in my lowliness if I weren't lowly?

What then am I left to do?

Psalms 33:20-22

We wait in hope for the Lord;

    he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
    even as we put our hope in you.

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!                                                                            Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.                                                             Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.                                                                                                                   And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And gratitude, as always, is the way to go:

Thank You Lord that we discovered Emmalee's tooth infection in time to be able to save her teeth. 

Thank You that even though the car's directional and wheels were malfunctioning, you guarded our lives and kept us safe and accident free. 

Thank You because even though Rodolfo still has not found a job, Your faithfulness allowed us to reach his graduation, something we thought could not come soon enough. 

Thank You for wonderful family that looks after us and provide for our needs. 

Thank You because financial problems are fixable. Because You refine us through tough times that don't include terminal illness, untimely deaths, or things that are uncomparable to material needs. 

Thank You for being there for us, for promising to be with us until the end of time, for promising to provide even for our material needs, and for dying for us in that Cross. 

Thank You for a strong and loving family. 

Thank You for beautiful growing daughters.

Thank You for lovely friends and prayer warriors. 

Thank You beforehand because I know You will provide a good job for me. 

Thank You Lord because through Your names I can call you MY: my banner, my peace, my shepherd, my provider, my salvation, my God.