Yesterday I had my last holiday visitor go back home (I hosted my mother-in-law for a month and a half, my father for a week and a half, and my father-in-law for two weeks all from Honduras).
I felt the compulsory need to really clean the house- you know, REALLY clean it. It was obsessive and thorough. I scrubbed every inch of the bathrooms and kitchen, vacuumed under the beds and furniture, and threw everything to wash. It was exhausting and it took all day. My girls, thus, were left to the mercy of the new Pocoyo season during all that cleaning (I'm so grateful these new seasons have more educational content!)
After I was done, naturally, I felt the need to the same cleaning on myself. As I was taking a shower and checking myself (yes, even without breasts I still self check. Self check, ladies!), I wondered what would happened if my breast cancer recurred. Would today matter? They would certainly find someone else to do the cleaning. So, was the day spent in vain?
When your mortality is as evident as it is in my everyday, you question more often the value of what you do with your time. But everyone's mortality could be imminent. I couldn't help thinking of the words of the book of Ecclesiastes: everything under the Sun is vanity. Did I waste my day doing something no one would miss me for and could easily replace? I was too exhausted afterwards to take the girls to the park or play hide and seek with them.
I then remembered that my youngest had a vaginal rash a few days ago. I know this has to do with her learning to self-clean and self-wash, but the clean environment I keep around her keeps her safe as well. It does matter.
As I came out of my bath and joined the girls in bed to watch Pocoyo, my eldest gave me a kiss. "Thanks for the clean house, mom. It smells delicious," she whispered in my ear. My husband came back home from work and was very surprised I had done all that work (We both woke up at 4 am to drop my father-in-law at the airport and were extremely exhausted and sleep deprived.) He also kissed me and said thank you. "It's my job," I replied. "Even so, I want to show gratitude for what you do," he replied.
But this isn't so most of the time. I didn't even get a thank you for cooking both Christmas and New Year's meals from them. Sometimes our work goes underappreciated. Sometimes our work goes unnoticed (especially with young ones who will leave the house in the prior state as soon as you come out your bath). Sometimes it feels in vain. Sometimes it feels it doesn't matter.
That is why surrounding yourself with other mothers is so important. No one understands you better than another mama. I wanted to strangle my sister (no kids) when she compared her pre-school teaching job to raising kids at home. "If I can make 25 kids behave, surely you should be able to keep your girls from throwing a tantrum." I just nodded while taking it in and holding the tears inside. I immediately called a mom friend. As soon as she was infuriated along me, I knew my sister might have meant well (or at least you hope so) but had no idea what she was talking about.
Are you a supportive mom? Are you a judgmental mom? Do other moms feel they can come to you for counsel or outlet? Are you making sure you are seeking counsel and outlet? We don't have to do this alone, you know? Motherhood is wonderful, but it is so hard. It is so HARD!! And, unfortunately, only other moms know just how hard. But guess what? God also knows too!
Look at this Psalm with me:
Psalm 55
22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee.
Remember to encourage a mom today! I love you, mamas! Moms rule, they really do!
I felt the compulsory need to really clean the house- you know, REALLY clean it. It was obsessive and thorough. I scrubbed every inch of the bathrooms and kitchen, vacuumed under the beds and furniture, and threw everything to wash. It was exhausting and it took all day. My girls, thus, were left to the mercy of the new Pocoyo season during all that cleaning (I'm so grateful these new seasons have more educational content!)
After I was done, naturally, I felt the need to the same cleaning on myself. As I was taking a shower and checking myself (yes, even without breasts I still self check. Self check, ladies!), I wondered what would happened if my breast cancer recurred. Would today matter? They would certainly find someone else to do the cleaning. So, was the day spent in vain?
When your mortality is as evident as it is in my everyday, you question more often the value of what you do with your time. But everyone's mortality could be imminent. I couldn't help thinking of the words of the book of Ecclesiastes: everything under the Sun is vanity. Did I waste my day doing something no one would miss me for and could easily replace? I was too exhausted afterwards to take the girls to the park or play hide and seek with them.
I then remembered that my youngest had a vaginal rash a few days ago. I know this has to do with her learning to self-clean and self-wash, but the clean environment I keep around her keeps her safe as well. It does matter.
As I came out of my bath and joined the girls in bed to watch Pocoyo, my eldest gave me a kiss. "Thanks for the clean house, mom. It smells delicious," she whispered in my ear. My husband came back home from work and was very surprised I had done all that work (We both woke up at 4 am to drop my father-in-law at the airport and were extremely exhausted and sleep deprived.) He also kissed me and said thank you. "It's my job," I replied. "Even so, I want to show gratitude for what you do," he replied.
But this isn't so most of the time. I didn't even get a thank you for cooking both Christmas and New Year's meals from them. Sometimes our work goes underappreciated. Sometimes our work goes unnoticed (especially with young ones who will leave the house in the prior state as soon as you come out your bath). Sometimes it feels in vain. Sometimes it feels it doesn't matter.
That is why surrounding yourself with other mothers is so important. No one understands you better than another mama. I wanted to strangle my sister (no kids) when she compared her pre-school teaching job to raising kids at home. "If I can make 25 kids behave, surely you should be able to keep your girls from throwing a tantrum." I just nodded while taking it in and holding the tears inside. I immediately called a mom friend. As soon as she was infuriated along me, I knew my sister might have meant well (or at least you hope so) but had no idea what she was talking about.
Are you a supportive mom? Are you a judgmental mom? Do other moms feel they can come to you for counsel or outlet? Are you making sure you are seeking counsel and outlet? We don't have to do this alone, you know? Motherhood is wonderful, but it is so hard. It is so HARD!! And, unfortunately, only other moms know just how hard. But guess what? God also knows too!
Look at this Psalm with me:
Psalm 55
1 Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.
2 Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise; (It does feel a lot like us, doesn't it?)
4 My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me.
5 Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.
6 And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.(This has so been me since the robbery in my house two weeks ago! Specially with the robbers coming in through my daughters' bedroom window.)
13 But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
14 We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
2 Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise; (It does feel a lot like us, doesn't it?)
4 My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me.
5 Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.
6 And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.(This has so been me since the robbery in my house two weeks ago! Specially with the robbers coming in through my daughters' bedroom window.)
13 But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
14 We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
(See what I say about being there for each other?)
(What a sweet truth!)
Matthew 11
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Remember to encourage a mom today! I love you, mamas! Moms rule, they really do!
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