I look into your eyes

I look into your eyes and lose myself in beauty,
and I marvel at how wonderfully you were made by our most loving God.
I marvel at every curve your face makes when you smile or
the serenity it portrays when you sleep. 

I look into your eyes and am filled with overwhelm
at the blessing that I was chosen to be your mother.
I am overwhelmed by the thought that you were once in me, 
growing with every prayer I made for you and every song I sang to you. 

I looked into your eyes for the first time and was shocked with love,
never knowing I could feel so much love, so instantly, so insanely.
Can this love compare to God's? A love without reserve, without conditions!
If it can't compare, it must be the closest one.

I look into your eyes looking back at me and I am humbled
that you are so small and barely know a thing 
and I need you more than you need me.
I learn from your inocence, your peace, your joy, and your faith in me. 

I look into your eyes and I wonder
Do you know how much you mean to me?
Will you remember that I once was your all?
Can you tell how happy I am with you?

I look into your eyes and I worry
that the evil in this world might touch that beauty.
Will this world reach that inocence?
Can my love shield you and always reach you?

I look into your eyes and I pray
that He may be your high refugee.
Love Him with all your heart, live to give him glory. 
Use me, Oh Lord, for this purpose and may my life show her how. 

I look into your eyes and I give thanks
that I am lucky enought to look into your eyes
and call you my daughter, my sweet baby girl.
That this undeserving human is called your mom.

I am not a poet, and I don't pretend to be one. This is not a poem. It is just my attempt at putting into words what it's like to look into your daughters eyes. I don't have a son, and I hope one day to write what looking into his eyes is like. For now, I revel on the joy of having girls that are soft, pink, beautiful, frail, lovely, and caring. 
Some days feel so hard to live. I want to go to bed without a late night waking or feeding. When we had our own house, Emmalee had a bedtime routine. I would bathe her and clothe her, give her her bottle, and send her to her room with the lights off and her turtle lamp shining an underwater ilusion light into the ceiling and play the sound of waves crushing. Now, with all of us sleeping in one tight room, she asks to be picked up and sleep in my bed. Sometimes we oblige and sometimes we send her to her bed; but since Kaylee is in the bed with us, we oblige more often. These past nights, however, she has been doing the darnest thing. She comes to my side of the bed and ask "sube, sube" (up, up). I pull her up on the bed and she wraps her arms around me, puts her head on my shoulder, and says "mami" (mommy). It's almost a sigh, like a relief or comfort that she is in her mommy's arms. I can't express what this does to my tired heart. It is filled beyond measure and it feels invincible. Kaylee does the darnest things too. She will fall profoundly asleep in my arms but will fully wake up the moment she touches the crib. This has resulted in sometimes constantly waking in the middle of the night and me finally surrendering and letting her sleep in my arms the rest of the night. But when morning comes and I wake up, I watch her sleeping so carelessly on my arms. And it is like she feels my eyes looking at her because I haven't moved or made a sound, and she opens her eyes to meet mine. She gives the softest, faintest, sweetest smile that makes my heart become a puddle of goo. 
And it might not be an ideal situation, but I won't have those moments with them forever. And for now, looking into their eyes is the best thing in the world!!!


  1. This is a beautiful post. Thank you for writing! How can I pray for you as a mother, wife and friend?

    1. Hey, good to see you around. Everytime I think I get a better sense of what you went through with four kids under four when I only had two under two, I read your blog and bang! There you are again showing strength and praise and love in hardship. Being a mom is really the hardest job in the world. My prayer this year is to grow a more gentle and quiet spirit. And I appreciate prayers our way for my husband's job. Thank you. Let me know what I could pray for you?