How to get in shape without falling into self-loathing

What is the problem with losing weight? 

Stick with me to see if you relate to my story and if we have similar struggles. 

I always wanted to be athletic.

I have an ardent envy to anyone who can run. 

I suffered from asthma in my teens and from severe allergies that made breathing really hard when I was sitting down, so running felt out of the question. 

Fortunately, I was blessed with a high metabolism that kept me slender. 

Skip forward to 6 years of hypothyroidism, 2 back-to-back pregnancies, a year battling breast cancer and my body is not what it used to be or what I wish it to be. I thought my cancer's silver lining would be losing weight. I lost weight during chemotherapy that I gained back during radiotherapy and was left at the same weight before my cancer journey, despite losing body parts on the way (talk about frustration!) I even joked with God that if He had allowed me to have cancer, at least He could make me skinny again. Well, as the saying goes: "No pain, no gain" (although there was a lot of pain).

Eating right and working out are good for our health. If this was motivator enough, we would all be doing it. It isn't. We live our lives like our life style is not going to catch up on us. It is even hard for me to do it knowing it greatly diminishes my chances of my cancer coming back. Yes, that is still not motivator enough to stick with it. 

So, what is the problem?

Is it too hard to workout? 

Is it too hard to diet?

Both?

In my case, it is none of the above. Yes, I struggle with working out and dieting. I love cinnabons, pizza, a good semita (Honduran sweet bread that I long for in Panama), and chocolate. Oh chocolate. I have eaten a giant bar in one sitting. I once got a giant Hershey kiss as a gift (best gift ever!) and ate it in one sitting despite my teeth hurting from having to carve it (too big to bite). Working out! Who has time for that? Especially if you are mom and a wife, finding "free" time to workout is daunting and seems impossible. Who has the energy? After running around little ones all day and cooking and cleaning and caring for more little ones and laundry and cleaning and more little ones, at the end of the day no one wants to workout. 

You might be asking: "Where is the point on this then?"

Well, as many of you can testify, working out is hard but the more you do it, the easier it gets and you even start feeling more energized by it than seeing it as a struggle. Same goes with dieting (I say dieting but I mean cutting sugars and complex carbs which is really not dieting but eating right, but for the post's sake we'll say dieting). The first weeks are hard, but as soon as your system is cleansed from the sugar withdrawal, eating right is easier and again you feel better. 

So, if dieting and working out makes us feel better, why are we not all doing it? Why so many of us start dieting and working out and give up and fall back to our old ways? Why can we only keep it for a certain amount of time and not for the long run? 

My personal answer to that question is: the results. The results are just not showing up fast enough. We want to see in the mirror what we imagine we should look like in the mirror. Unfortunately, this image has been given to us by the bombardment of media that has objectified women for decades now and has given us beauty standards we impose on ourselves. If your goal to working out and dieting is looking a certain way, when that is not achieved after a period of time, we get discouraged. 

I never feel so bad about my body as when I decide to start eating better and working out. It's like when I can spend a day of teaching without realizing I haven't eaten all day and had no problem; but the moment I decide I want to fast that day to spend it in prayer, I have never been more hungry in my life or worse, everyone decided to bring and offer me my favorite foods. My eating habits are their old self and I am fine with what I see in the mirror. I start eating only fruits and veggies, and I can't be more appalled by the image in the mirror. I start working out and suddenly my thighs are as thick a redwood tree trunks. No where else is my belly so visibly flaccid as when I am working out. 

I personally quit because working out and eating right for the purpose of achieving a certain body brings me down to a pit of self loathing. I prefer to quit and not actively prevent cancer if it means I won't be hating myself. But what if there was another way?

For me it's all about the results, right? So why not aim for different results?

I always envied flexible people. I dream of being able to achieve a split. 

I studied dance in 2008 when I lived in Mexico City and I was in the best shape I have ever been. I hated stretching. It was too darn painful. I hated it, hated it, hated it. My sister would come home and repeat all the stretching. By the end of the year, my splits where just what they were at the beginning of the year and my sister was a master.

Well, maybe I had a silver lining after all. 

Stretching no longer hurts. Maybe it has something to do with my neuropathy. I am not sure, but it isn't as painful as it once was. When I realized this, I started training again. I started with the training I remembered from my dancing days and then I started doing Youtube yoga videos. 

I sometimes revert to my inflexible self-loathing days (I was the WORST in the class), but have started seeing results which keep me going. 

• For me is all about results I can see now. I am impatient. I am a control freak. I want to see results!

And the results are coming in. 

And as I see more and more results, that keeps me going. 

I do the beginner tutorial and try out the intermediate, even though I can't effectively do either. 

I lift my leg higher; I get my split lower. 

I am conscious of my body's separate joints and muscles. 

The pain is delicious! I crave for it. I crave the feeling of warm, achy muscles. 

I would be able to get lower and bendier if I lost weight. 

Now, I don't eat right to see a result in the mirror, but on the yoga mat. 

I am loving it because I am staying motivated with no self-loathing. 

I am not counting calories for a mark on the scale. If I ate something "unhealthy", I don't feel like kicking myself in the butt.

I have a goal: right-side split and perfect bridge before the end of the year. There are other goals there, but those two are the "big ones." 

What is making you "fall of the wagon"?

Are you falling into a vicious self-loathing cycle every time you want to get in shape?

Are your goals what you see in the mirror?

What if you try a new goal, a better goal?

One that doesn't make you hate yourself or your beautiful God-given body.

One that makes you stronger and happier, not accountable and tied down.

One that you can share and be happy about. 

Here are some pics of where I am today. I will try to post in the future the results!

They can't see me on the floor because I am their favorite trampoline.

Emmalee is happy to help me stretch. She surely has helped me stretch deeper.

That is lower that you might think.