Walk By Faith

For someone who claims having difficulty wholeheartedly having faith, taking steps in faith is vital for that believing growth. And that is what I've been doing.
I was in a job that, although it kept me away from home at least 11 or more hours a day (also taking driving time into account), it gave our family many benefits (health inssurance) and a good salary.
I had some of the best bosses I've ever had and made some good friends in the working place and learned alot. But time away from my baby girl was taking a toll in my heart.
A friend from church posted a vacancy in one of the country's most prestigious schools for a computer teacher graduated in computer sciences. I've worked as a teacher before and most know I'm very passionate about it, but I also knew teaching positions didn't pay as well as programming positions. I took a shot and sent in my CV and I gave them a salary expectation.  It was a lower number than my current salary, but the husband said with him getting a job we could be fine with my new salary.  He gave me his full support knowing I would get to spend more time at home and with Emmalee and I would be much happier working in something I love.
My salary expectation was accepted and I turned in my ressignation, finishing my duties in my previous job by the end of July.
And then disaster struck!
Two weeks ago my mother-in-law suffered from a stroke that left her with a temporal paralysis in half of her body and temporal speech impediment. Her stroke was very mild and, eventhough she recovered full body function and speech ability, was left feeble and with a long recovery ahead unabling her to care for Emmalee while we are at work.
So today we are left with a reduced salary and my husband having to stay as a caregiver untill he finishes college (which is pretty soon... Can I hear a hoooray? Hooray!!).
Tthe budget is tight and we are looking into ways to cut expenses to get to the end of the month. We knew this could happen and we still took the chance.
I am running numbers and making proyections to stretch my salary to the fullest, but I am also at peace. I have known Jehova Jireh, the Lord provides, firsthand and He has never been late to give us clothing, shelter, and food as He promised He would while also feeding the birds and clothing the flowers.
I am beyond myself with excitement for this new chapter in my life in this new job. It is a dream come true to be back teaching and doing what I love. And getting home at 3:30 p.m. to be with Emmalee instead of 10 min. to 7p.pm.!!! Give me another hooray, please. Hooray!!
Did I mention the teacher's vacation schedule? Or the fact that in my next school year I'll be able to take Emmalee to school with me and drop her in the school's daycare?!

My husband has no regrets on letting me take this job. Just like me, he can only see blessing. Will it be hard? Yes! We don't know if we'll make it to the end of the month. We knew this and that is why it was a step of faith.
I believe and the Bible also teaches that when you base the decision in your life seeking first the Kingdom of Heaven and not the things of this world God will bless you. I know that while putting my family first and my time with my daughter teaching her life in the Word since a very young age I have God's full coverage and somehow He'll get us through.
I'm grateful He has put my mom and my in-laws in our lives to help us get through and our parents continue to be a huge blessing in our lives and in their grandaughter's life. We wouldn't get by without them.

Please join me in prayer for my motther-in-love's full recovery. We are inmensely grateful to the Lord for having spared her life and her body and allowed her to stay with us longer with her cognitive and physical abilities intact. Not everyone is that lucky, and while her medical bills have left in a pickle, they are unimportant as long as she is okay.  Pray that my family can overcome this economical challlenges. Pray that the Lord might use my in this important position of teaching for His glory.
I don't remember the last time I was so excited to go to work. The school is beautiful and the teaching  and administrative staff I've met so far are wonderful.

Dear Emmalee/ 7 Months

Dear Emmalee

You turned 7 months the same day your parents celebrated their third wedding anniversary. We are so blessed to have you and can't believe it's already been 7 months. You are on your way climbing on things to get on your two feet. We think you'll be an early walker. You have mastered crawling to our delight and demise. You had your first fall falling off the bed a week ago. Mommy cried more than you did, but thankfully our bed is not very high. I won't take my eye off you for even a second again. You've had your first taste of discipline as well. It has given fruit because you are no longer fuzzing on the car seat. You actually had your first trip and, even after hours in the car, you were on your best behavior. You are such a joy to be around as always. The girls from the group and church are totally in love with you. And how wouldn't they? Your smile with your two little teeth and your giggles just bright everyone's day. This month you got to share some quality time with your grandmother who, as always, made you laugh like crazy. It is truly a joy for me to see you spend time with her. She loves you so much. Your grandma Martha had a health problem and her first concern was being able to care for you. We thank God that she is recovering and getting to enjoy your beautiful heart and delightful company. Your mommy will be changing jobs by the end of July so she'll get to spend more time with you. I'm so excited I'll get to have more time with you and see you learn new things. You are such a good eater. You tasted fruit for the first time. Mommy gave you pear puree. You made a funny face the first time you tried it and then you would open wide for more. So adorable. You are so loved, my darling. You have no idea. Can't wait to see what you'll do next.
I love you,
Mommy.

And I want to give thanks:

*612 Thank You for letting us enjoy my mom during her visit. 

*613 Thanks for the time together my mom and emmalee shared together.

*614 Thank You inmensely for guarding my mother-in-love's life. Thank You greatly for her recovery.

*615 The car was fixed.

*616 Thanks for out trip to SPS.

*617 Bless Jorge and Mariely and their new life together. 

*618 Thanks for the time shared with Rodol's family. 

*619 That the car didn't malfunction on the trip and we got back safe and sound.

*620 My garden got started with some nice herbs and flower bushes

*621 Our Third wedding anniversary. 

I love You, Lord

25 things you probably didn't know about me

Oops!
I meant to write gratitude monday but left the computer at the office when I left in a hurry. So many things that are changing and so much to be grateful for I can't miss this week.
But before that, I'd thought I'd do a whimsical post on 25 quirks of mine you might not know and it will be fun for me to read in the future and see if I have changed.

25 things you probably didn't know about me. 
1. You drink coffee for the energy. I drink coffee to help with bowel movement (Embarrassing but true)
2. I can re-watch all seasons of the Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, and Friends, but as much as I'm a huge Grey's Anatomy's fan, I will not rewatch an old season.
3. Grey's Anatomy is the only series I watch on TV every Monday on Sony. If I watch other TV series, I do it online and I watch the whole season in one or two seatings (Not gonna be able to do that with Emmalee anymore.)
4. I enjoy DIY (not new) more with company (totally new). It could be that I'm finally placing more value on friendship and company instead of my inner control-freak and the thought of I-can-do-it-better-alone.
5. I will give a sneering look if you use the elevator to go up just one floor. The judgmental thoughts I'll give you if you use the elevator to go down one floor are far worst.
6. I would rather you (stranger) enter the elevator and stare at the floor uncomfortably along with me instead of trying to start conversation. Nerve wracking!
7. If the water in my shower could go any hotter, I'd boil myself before feeling any pain. I have burnt many showers seeking hotter water.
8. I have never condimented my meats or poultry with natural condiments. :S (Talk about hypocritical self-proclaimed organic lover)
9. I hate to eavesdrop. If you want to indirectly say something to me by trying to get me to eavesdrop on your conversation (and people actually do this), your action is moot.
10. Burger King's French Chicken King is still my favorite food since highschool (sans the fries)
11. I LOVE to read about the middle east. I can read about Muslims and Jews and their religion and customs and conflict all day long. (I even paused reading A Song of Fire and Ice to make more reading time for this.)
12. I prefer to work under pressure. It's stressful, I know, but I prefer it. It very rarely gets me in trouble and most likely gives me good results and thus I don't change my ways. Guess it's time to start.
13. I am extremely, EXTREMELY, jealous of morning persons. I wish I were one and in all these years I still feel the worst in the morning when I have to get out of bed and have a hard time getting up. (And in accordance with point 11, I'll wait til the last minute possible to wake up and get ready. Probably why I put make up and comb my hair in the car.)
14. I just recently learn to wear earrings and only use them because my husband likes them. If not, I don't think I'd wear them at all or even own some.
15. All the jewelry I own has been gifted, eventhough the people close to me know I don't consider them a great gift. My mom and mother-in-law never give up! They just keep believing in a fashionable me burried deep inside.
16. I can't fake excitement for a gift I really didn't like from my close ones. I'm so outspoken of the things I love that when what you give me is not one of them, I just can't fake it is. (I've tried, trust me.)
For instance, my husband knows he must never hire mariachis for me. Serenading rubs me the wrong way.
17. I can (do) wear my sneakers untill they just fall apart. Not interested in buying new ones and actually prefer using my old ones (if still possible) even if I have new ones.
18. Eventhough I am a computer science engineer, I have no crave for new technology whatsoever. I could still be using cds, dvds, simple phones, and boxed tvs for the rest of my life. Spend $300 on headphones? Never! New techonology is bonkers to me. The minute you buy it something new is out.
19. After three years of working in an office and having to dress formally every day, I'm still unable to use heels. I don't get use to them and my feet still suffer every afternoon when I get home. How do women get used to them? I envy them.
20. I have never ironed my clothes unless the creases are VERY noticeable. Unlike my husband who will never put on anything that is slightly creased (hence, the only reason I iron)
21. I dream every night and I remember alot of my dreams. I almost always dream I have super powers and/or I'm in a foreign war, alien invasion war, demon/supernatural war, a zombie war, or dinosaur attack. (I blame this on all the anime watching in my youth and Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park left a mark on me and I will probably cry in the real world while sleeping if I dream about dinosaurs.)
22. I routinely check if Emmalee is breathing while sleeping (you know that), but I sometimes check Rodol's breathing too.
23. I question your intellectual level if you dislike 9gag (the censored version).
24. I envy Paolo's nonchalant grammar naziing. I see the mistake and refrain from commenting (usually), but I secretly wish to rub it on your nose. :P  I'm a grammar snob.
25. My husband's and my favorite song right now is "Thrift Shop". (And we hear it with Emmalee in the car and she digs it.... Please don't judge me.)

And now the wonderful and surprising gratitude list:
*586 My mom comes to Honduras tomorrow!!! Can today go faster please???
*587 I'm changing jobs!!! I'll be a Math and Computer teacher for Del Campo school starting this August.
*588 My current bosses took my departing very well. Some of them even commended me for chosing a job that will give me more time with Emmalee. They even agreed to give me severance pay.
*589 Hearing my bosses all tell me I was a valuable asset to their company and they were very satisfied with my work.
*590 My bosses telling me I have a job in their company if I ever need employment.
*591 Steps taken in faith as my new job has a pay cut from my current job.
*592 Rest in Jehove Jireh, the Lord provides!
*593 No more vaccines for Emmalee until she is one. No fever or reactions from her previous vaccines. We paid big bucks for her private vaccines (thank you, grandma) instead of using the free vaccines given by the government, and I don't regret that decision at all.
*594 Emmalee reaching all the milestones for her age and older milestones and reaching most of them ahead of time.
*595 Very, very grateful and humbled for a happy and healthy baby.
*596 Extremely grateful to wake every morning to a baby's cry and when I open the door to her room be greeted by a baby smile when she sees mommy.
*597 Grateful for awesome new friendships forming, like Gaby and Fer more in our lives!
*598 Loving all the time working out (REALLY hard) on our yard. It's taking form, but there is alot to do still. It's a great time together with the hubs and even with dandy danny. (Thank you, Danny V.!)
*599 We started a new tradition to walk the dogs and give Emmalee a stroller ride at the Villa Olimpica's parking lot every Sunday before Rodol's soccer game.
*600 The dogs first walk with a dog chain on. They were resisting it at first but it only took one trip around the parking lot for them to get the hang of it.
*600 Grateful for my brother's graduation! Congrats baby bro! I'm proud of you.
*601 Grateful the bro and his girlfriend are going to church on their own. His girlfriend is even going to baptism classes.
*602 Grateful for the wonderful girlfriend my brother has. Lia, I hope you join the family soon!
*603 Grateful for my sis' foreign papers in Panama finally being processed.
*604 Grateful for her understanding and loving boyfriend Rodrigo.
*605 Excited for the new opportunity to do what I love: Teaching.
*606 Grateful for the counsel of wise close friends in this new course.
*607 Grateful for a supportive husband that allows me to take this new path and that understands my time with my daughter is more important.
*608 Ten classes to go for the hubs to finish his engineering degree!
*609 A savvy mom being budget-smart by planning, preparing, and paying Emmalee's birthday since June. It will be legen... wait for it.... dary!!
*610 Amy came visiting from the US and spent some time with Emmalee. Plus she came bearing beautiful gifts for her niece. I had never heard Emmalee laugh so hard with new people before as she did with Amy and Andrea P.
*611 Dad is recovering from his sickness and is visiting more often.

Great mothers and husbands :)

I promised my lovely daughter Adina I'd bring gratitude mondays and prayer fridays back. I definitely need to bring gratitude mondays back... I'm in desperate need of the transforming power of gratitude in my heart to learn patience and perseverance on things that have been happening in my life. Due to the fact that I didn't do a gratitude monday this week I'll be posting it here along with prayer friday.
So here we go again.

*565 Feeling great at our new youth group that will soon have another baby in the mix.
*567 Super excited about the professionals youth church and getting there more.
*568 Can't wait to see my mom next month on July 10.
*569 Speaking of which, super duper grateful my mom is turning a year older today.
*570 Grateful with God for giving my mom another year and for letting her enjoy her birthday with my sister in Panama.

*571 Grateful for July to get here to celebrate three years of marriage the day Emmalee turns 7 months of age.
*572 Happy to watch Emmalee grow and develop. She is so funny trying to crawl.
*573 Thankful for the awesome worship time last Wednesday that was much needed for some brokeness and praise to You.
*574 Grateful for friends that remain through the years and whose friendship only get better with time.
*575 Grateful for Luis Andre's birth and that his mommy is also doing good. Thank You that we were able to visit him on his first day on earth on his own.
*576 Grateful for Abi's birth and how much she is making us learn and come together in faith.
*577 Grateful for Abi's parents and their amazing example (Read more of them here.)
*578 Grateful for Terry and Lanky's first encounters with Emmalee. They are so respectful of her and her space. I love my dogs.
*579 Grateful for a patio much improved after much hard work. Grateful for the work still needed for it to be done and for the strength, will, and health to do it.
*580 Grateful that my lactancy hour is over. It was good while it lasted and much appreciated.
*581 Grateful for losing weight! It's a long journey ahead to be in an ideal weight for my next pregnancy, but eating well no longer feels like a sacrifice.
*582 Grateful for understanding and loving husbands, for me and my friends (especially my pregnant friends)
*583 Grateful for Gaby and Gaby's pregnancies. Praying the pregnancies can go with the least discomfort.
*584 Blessed to be surrounded by women who love and fear the Lord and are everyday closer to being like You.
*585 Thank You for letting us share time with the Millers. I loved watching Kristine as a mother and realize our lives have changed so much with being parents we spent almost three hours speaking of babies.

Dear Father,
I am blessed beyond Your grace. You are just to good to me, as You are with all Your children. This is something You have been teaching me. In a personal level, You have taught me Your goodness and mercy with how normal and "easy" my pregnancy was and how healthy and perfect Emmalee is. Thank You because You have been showing Your goodness, faithfulness, and care for  my dear friends and their baby girl's heart condition and with my dear friend Gaby and her delicate pregnancy. Father, You are shaping these dear brothers and sisters of mine into faith warriors and fierce lovers of You that I want to immitate. I pray that my dear friends find the correct doctors and financial resources to do Abi's first surgery and the consequent surgery as well. Give the baby girl strength and health to go through the surgeries with no complications or risks. Let our hearts be resting in You and constantly praying for You to show Yourself to us through these times. I pray that Gaby may soon be freed from her bed rest without any abortion threats. Let that baby form perfectly inside her and that we may gaze into those eyes soon. And, because You are a Father that listens to Your children, can we be picky and ask You that the baby be a girl? We want a girl, but we would also love a boy. We just want that baby here with us. Let us join not only in prayer but in action to be there for them as Your hands and feet. Thank You for all You've been teaching me through these amazing mothers and fathers. Thank You that these two fathers are also wonderful husbands that care for their wives and children and are their wives strength, calm, and support. Thank You for my man and for him being all of this for us. I pray that all my girlfriends know the joy of being marry to such men. I pray that all my male friends are/become such men for their wives. Let us grow as a church and as Your body in strong families that seek You wholeheartedly. That we may be a strong generation that seeks to honor You with our lives. Let us not put our eyes in this world but in what brings You glory. Let our hearts not covet earthly posessions and experiences and replace what You have called us to be and live for them. Keep moving us towards You and daily transforming our hearts to be more like You.
Thank You because You gave me the best mom I could need and thank You for giving her another year of life. Give her a great day next to my sister.
I Love You
Amen. 

Other's Faith

One thing motherhood has done in me is make me more sensitive.

Everything makes me cry. From hearing Dumbo's "baby of mine" to any sad story I hear, I'm in tears in no second. 

It is no news for anyone who frequents this learning place of mine that I struggle with disbelief. 

It was hard for to believe everything was going to be fine with my pregnancy, birthing, and child. 

Everything did go fine with my pregnancy, birthing, and child.

Recently, I have stumbled on the web on stories of parents who tell a different story. 

Stories like Lacey and Christian's story and Eliot Mooney's story have made me cry and reflect on my blessings and on the power of their faith. 

I didn't think I would have friends amongst me in a similar situation. 

The dear friend for whom we hosted the baby shower mentioned here had her baby girl three weeks ago. 

Her baby was diagnosed with a heart condition that will require her to have heart surgery at 3 months and at 6 or 8 months. 

When I heard of the struggle my friends were going through I thought how I would handle it if it were me. 

The first thing that came to my mind was that I would never sleep watching her like a hawk 24/7. I was like this with Emmalee even though she had been born with good health. I would not sleep checking on her constantly always fearing that SIDS would take her. You have heard of my husband's help in my learning to wait and rest in the Lord. 

We visited our friends and their baby girl last Sunday. I wanted to take her some of the breastfeeding and baby stuff that were to help mommy. Boy did we leave there feeling uplifted! It's those kind of situations were you are supposed to be the one to offer encouragement and support and leave having been encouraged and supported yourself instead. It is in those situation where you can see God's joy beyond reason and His work at hand. 

The baby's father began explaining to us his daughter's condition and the surgeries she needs. He talked so calmly. His calm was contagious. I'm sure his wife has been basking in that calmness and taking strength from it. He told us of how he was grateful they were going through this situation because he could see the work God was doing in his family, in his wife's family, and in their home; see how it was bringing them closer together and bringing hearts closer to God. 

"I had never experienced a situation in my life were my faith was truly tested," he said, "so I want to stand firm in God's goodness and His provision for us. I tell my wife to enjoy her daughter, because we don't know how long she will be with us." Wow, just writing his words down makes my eyes watery. What an amazing man of faith!

I remember when I was pregnant people would always tell me they prayed God would give me a healthy baby. I was showered so powerfully by prayer I felt love and kindredness by people miles away (my mom had a praying campaign on Panama) But I remember once telling God that I wouldn't mind if my baby wasn't healthy as long as it was alive and by my side. God's goodness is in giving and in taking, but He cares about the "blessed be His name" part. I don't know if I would have a "blessing-God's-name-amidst-tribulation" testimony, especially seeing how in my non-tribulation I fail to trust Him wholeheartedly. 

When I saw my friend holding her baby girl carrying a huge smile on her face I did my best to hold my tears. Her smile was not a smile put on for us; it was smile put on her by God and you could feel it. The baby woke up and opened her eyes at the sound of Emmalee's babbling. She looked more alert than most newborns, more than Emmalee did at her age. We shared breastfeeding and birthing stories and laughed at Emmalee's now loud babbling asking for attention. Emmalee was getting tired so we said our goodbye's.

My husband and I entered and we both looked at each other in amazement. "What a great example they are," my husband said. "I know. I feel they did more for us than we did for them." I replied. And they surely did. I think of them constantly, more than they will ever know. They are in my prayers and in my heart all day. The sensitivity motherhood has brought upon me has made me become better at praying for others. 

I don't want my sensitivity make me into an unbeliever. I want, like they do, see God's glory in everything that happens even if we wished it would go away and the power of God's work in the lives of everyone around us. I want my faith be contagious to others like theirs has changed me, like Eliot and his parents and Lacey and Christian have impacted my life and the life of millions. I want to enjoy Emmalee growing up under God's wings, not under mommy's.

God, 

Thank You for my friend's lives. Thank You for teaching us through them. Help them, Father. Let us all be joined in prayer for their baby's upcoming surgeries, for the provision for such surgeries, for the doctors, for the place they'll do the surgeries (they will need to travel to a different country), for strength and joy for her parents. That little baby girl has already brought glory to Your name and may she do so for many years to come here on earth. Her parents are heroes in the faith. Let us all learn from them and give them our support, however we can and with what has been given to us to share. Thank You for Your goodness in their lives and mine and in all of us. Thank You, Lord. 

I love You. 

Amen.

Dear Emmalee / 6 Months

Half a year already!
I've been a mom for half a year!
This year is going pretty fast, but I have to confess I'm happy about that. It's been a great year filled with tons of lessons both in parenting and in marriage. It has been hard to learn to put my husband before the tiny little baby that asks my attention with cries. I'm still getting the hang of it.
Emmalee has reached all her milestones for which I am very grateful.
She is sitting down unsupported and on the verge of crawling. She is laughing and babbling alot. She even plays peekabo at such a young age.

Dear Emmalee,
Do you know how happy you make me? 
Every morning you are on your knees and arms trying to move past your crib's corner and when you hear me you turn with a big smile. You are such a good sleeper you give mom and dad peace of mind. 
Everything seems to appear tasty because you take everything to your mouth. Thank heavens you haven't gotten sick. You are so engaging and demanding too. You are so eager to crawl you get very upset when you're on your knees and arms but unable to move forward. You just stay there and begin to cry as if that is going to make you move forward. You are so funny baby girl. You laugh so beautifully now, all cute giggles. You love watching mommy and daddy make fool of themselves to make you laugh and you comply. You started eating solids!! Mommy loves cereal feeding time in the morning. It's the push I need to start my days earlier. You don't make a mess at all and you eat all opening your mouth wide to eat your goods. Grandma Martha is feeding you veggies in the afternoon and you also love them. Baby girl, thank you for existing. Thank you for coming to our lives and making it wonderful. We love you. Happy half year.

And I promised Adina I'd bring back gratitude mondays.
*556 Emmalee is growing healthy and perfect and beautiful
*557 I have a mom I can always count on that makes my life better with a single phone call
*558 A very patient loving husband
*559 The great example of faith from the Martinez family and their baby girl Abi
*560 A great beginning at the 180° professionals church feeling encouraged
*561 Our first wedding as a family. Grateful for the Solorzano family and my wonderful coworkers.
*562 Wonderful in-loves that love Emmalee to death.
*563 Pit is reunited with my mom and on to a new beginning
*564 We finally started working on the garden and it seems to be progressing.

Thank You for Your blessings Lord. 

Rise to the occasion (Adding goodness to your faith part 4)

Sometimes I don't want to. I don't want to say yes. I don't want to be there for that friend.
Sometimes being a friend is hard to do.
Especially if the past hurts me.
When they discarded my friendship but require it when they are in need.
When they betrayed my trust.
When they distance themselves from me because they don't like it when I confront them with their sin.
When they have been dishonest.
When they are only there in the good times.
When they just want to talk of their needs but never listen to mine.

And the list could go on.
And then I stopped and realize I have been that friend to Jesus. I have...
And yet, He is always there.
Always loving, always receiving, always with arms stretched wide.
And I want to be like Him, don't I?
And what am I doing to be more like him?

And that is just a small list of people I don't feel like being their friend anymore.
What about those I don't even want to befriend:
The preachy guy who always has an opinion on what I do.
The talkative girl who exaggerates every thing she says.
Those who seem too weird.
Those who only speak of the mundane.
The guy who is a little harsh and cold when he talks to you.
The girl pretending to be something she is not.
First of, those are ALL judgments and again God NEVER gives us license to judge.
Secondly, maybe I'm the preachy, talkative, exaggerating, weird, mundane, harsh, pretender to others. (Most likely and altogether)

There is someone in my life I noticed calling out for help. That person has been trying to get close to me. I didn't want to let that person close. I resisted that friendship. We had been friends in the past and that friendship had been disappointing to me.
"Is it my obligation to be there" I asked myself. "Does God require it of me?"
The answer is yes, but the problem is not in the command to love others but in the fact that before I say "no" I am seeking if it is "required" and if I have a way out of it instead of rising to the occasion with a prompt "yes".
The problem is not the others.
The problem is my heart.

There was once a time were the thing I most strived for in my life was radical living for Christ.
Radical:
Adjective
(esp. of change or action) Relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough.

I like this part: far-reaching. 

I don't think that someone who is looking for a way out is looking to far-reach, do you?

What is so wrong with my heart that I would rather look at my friend's past transgressions instead of their need. And let me tell you something, if this person is seeking ME it's because this person is desperate because I'm not much help or good company. 

I'm a disappointing friend too. Recently a very dear friend lost her great grandmother and I was unable to go to the funeral and be by her side. I'm also a very absent friend always busy with work, duty, and family. And sometimes I'm too busy for family, barely seeing my sister and father who live accross the street from me. 

Where is my heart of a servant?

Where is my heart that feels compassion for others?

Where is my heart that seeks be like Jesus, love like Jesus, comfort others like He has comforted me? 

If I numbered the reasons I resist this friend you would probably side with me. But in the Christ-centered life they are just excuses and pride. And in the light of Jesus' love for me, they are a reminder that Jesus would have more reasons to resist me. 

Matthew 5

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Let's rephrase that to: "If you love those who like you,", "if you those you like," "if you love those who are good friends," "if you love those who never fail you (and there is not such thing)," what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 

Where are you, Linda, being RADICAL?

Dear Lord, 

I'm sorry. My heart has been self-absorbed, self-centered. I've let my pride take the reigns of my heart instead of love and compassion. Let me not require brokeness always in order to examine this heart of mine; let me be transformed by your example and unconditional love towards this lowly sinner. I've been told I've been more tender and caring since becoming a mommy. Let this be true. Let my heart be more sensitive to others and be radical in my love and life. Let me not be looking to do the minimum but finding ways to do more, to be more for You. This I want for my daughter, this I must live. I often tell people she appears to have her father's tender and gentle temperament. It should be mommy's too. Lord teach me and transform me. You are able to do great things in me and in adding goodness I add faith believing You can and will.

Thank Jesus for loving me as I am. 

I forever love You.