In awe of my God?

I don't even know how to try to attempt at making this a short post. There is so much to say, so much to repent, so much to learn.

I remember when I was young I thoroughly enjoyed studying the books of Jeremiah, Isaiah, and Ezequiel when I read them the first time. I have read them again several times since, but never did it have that taste it had the first time. So, I decided I wanted to study these books next a little more closely and calmly. I was so rebuked by this chapter in Jeremiah, I wanted to share those teachings with you.

Jeremiah 2

1 The word of the LORD came to me: 2 “Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem:

   “This is what the LORD says:

   “‘I remember the devotion of your youth,

how as a bride you loved me

and followed me through the wilderness,

   through a land not sown.

3 Israel was holy to the LORD,

   the firstfruits of his harvest;

all who devoured her were held guilty,

   and disaster overtook them,’”

            declares the LORD.

I remember when I began my walk with the Lord. I was a scrawny, tall twelve year old girl meeting people who had a relationship and a walk with God for the first time. I remember being surprised by the fact they would talk about God in such a personal manner. "I'm sleepy," my classmates shares, "I spent all night talking with God and singing praise." She was just two years older than me. How was that possible? I wanted and craved that too. So my walk with God began with a bang! I wanted to know everything about Him, His Word, His purpose for my life. I wanted my relationship with God to produce what these young people's relationship with God had produced in me.

 4 Hear the word of the LORD, you descendants of Jacob,

   all you clans of Israel.

 5 This is what the LORD says:

   “What fault did your ancestors find in me,

   that they strayed so far from me?

They followed worthless idols

   and became worthless themselves.

6 They did not ask, ‘Where is the LORD,

   who brought us up out of Egypt

and led us through the barren wilderness,

   through a land of deserts and ravines,

a land of drought and utter darkness,

   a land where no one travels and no one lives?’

7 I brought you into a fertile land

   to eat its fruit and rich produce.

But you came and defiled my land

   and made my inheritance detestable.

8 The priests did not ask,

   ‘Where is the LORD?’

Those who deal with the law did not know me;

   the leaders rebelled against me.

The prophets prophesied by Baal,

   following worthless idols.

 9 “Therefore I bring charges against you again,”

            declares the LORD.

   “And I will bring charges against your children’s children.

10 Cross over to the coasts of Cyprus and look,

   send to Kedar[a] and observe closely;

   see if there has ever been anything like this:

11 Has a nation ever changed its gods?

   (Yet they are not gods at all.)

But my people have exchanged their glorious God

   for worthless idols.

12 Be appalled at this, you heavens,

   and shudder with great horror,”

declares the LORD.

It all happened so quickly. Was there anything I should have done or could have done to stop it? Can I do something about it today? A whole generation of young people who had served beside me, astray. What happened to the lives committed to God we had talked about and dreamed about together? The great comission that was supposedly burning in our hearts? And I "remained," but did I really? And as I read these passages and examine myself and not others, I do shudder with great horror at the thought: "have I exchanged my glorious God for worthless idols?"

13 “My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

   the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

   broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

14 Is Israel a servant, a slave by birth?

   Why then has he become plunder?

15 Lions have roared;

   they have growled at him.

They have laid waste his land;

   his towns are burned and deserted.

16 Also, the men of Memphis and Tahpanhes

   have cracked your skull.

17 Have you not brought this on yourselves

   by forsaking the LORD your God

   when he led you in the way?

18 Now why go to Egypt

   to drink water from the Nile[b]?

And why go to Assyria

   to drink water from the Euphrates?

19 Your wickedness will punish you;

   your backsliding will rebuke you.

Consider then and realize

   how evil and bitter it is for you

when you forsake the LORD your God

   and have no awe of me,”

 declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.

"No awe of me, declares the Lord".... What if these were the words God would speak of me: "You have no awe of me!" What if He'd asked me: "Where is the love you had for Me in your youth?" And of course this sinful heart of mine would try to justify: "The days have been hard, the struggles have torn me, time is no where to find, labour is always on my back, sickness overtakes my body," and maybe even throw a: "I have been alone." But seriously, would all these excuses have any weight if I were truly in awe of my glorious God?

 20 “Long ago you broke off your yoke

   and tore off your bonds;

   you said, ‘I will not serve you!’

Indeed, on every high hill

   and under every spreading tree

   you lay down as a prostitute.

21 I had planted you like a choice vine

   of sound and reliable stock.

How then did you turn against me

   into a corrupt, wild vine?

22 Although you wash yourself with soap

   and use an abundance of cleansing powder,

   the stain of your guilt is still before me,”

       declares the Sovereign LORD.

23 “How can you say, ‘I am not defiled;

   I have not run after the Baals’?

See how you behaved in the valley;

   consider what you have done.

You are a swift she-camel

   running here and there,

24 a wild donkey accustomed to the desert,

   sniffing the wind in her craving—

   in her heat who can restrain her?

Any males that pursue her need not tire themselves;

   at mating time they will find her.

25 Do not run until your feet are bare

and your throat is dry.

But you said, ‘It’s no use!

I love foreign gods,

   and I must go after them.’

This is true of my generation. It saddens me to say this, but it's true. It is true for me as well. Yes, I try to seek God, but not with the fervent, starving, craving desire I use to. He is no longer my waking thought everyday. I have fought Him and resisted Him. I have questioned Him when He has been always good, always there.

 26 “As a thief is disgraced when he is caught,

   so the people of Israel are disgraced—

they, their kings and their officials,

   their priests and their prophets.

27 They say to wood, ‘You are my father,’

   and to stone, ‘You gave me birth.’

They have turned their backs to me

   and not their faces;

yet when they are in trouble, they say,

   ‘Come and save us!’

28 Where then are the gods you made for yourselves?

   Let them come if they can save you

   when you are in trouble!

For you, Judah, have as many gods

   as you have towns.

 29 “Why do you bring charges against me?

   You have all rebelled against me,”

            declares the LORD.

I could pretty much translate this to: "Why are you questioning your God when you have changed Him for your own wisdom and ways, for the world's wisdom and ways. Why do you ask your God to save you now? If you chose ways that aren't His, shouldn't they save you? Didn't you trade your almighty God for the worthlessness of this world!"

30 “In vain I punished your people;

   they did not respond to correction.

Your sword has devoured your prophets

   like a ravenous lion.

 31 “You of this generation, consider the word of the LORD:

   “Have I been a desert to Israel

   or a land of great darkness?

Why do my people say, ‘We are free to roam;

   we will come to you no more’?

32 Does a young woman forget her jewelry,

   a bride her wedding ornaments?

Yet my people have forgotten me,

   days without number.

I almost feel God's hurt of Him trying to turn His people's heart back to Him, and they have treasures more precious than Him; Him Who gave them all. Makes me feel ashamed.

33 How skilled you are at pursuing love!

   Even the worst of women can learn from your ways.

34 On your clothes is found

   the lifeblood of the innocent poor,

   though you did not catch them breaking in.

Yet in spite of all this

 35 you say, ‘I am innocent;

   he is not angry with me.’

But I will pass judgment on you

   because you say, ‘I have not sinned.’

36 Why do you go about so much,

   changing your ways?

You will be disappointed by Egypt

as you were by Assyria.

37 You will also leave that place

   with your hands on your head,

for the LORD has rejected those you trust;

   you will not be helped by them.

God is way too merciful these days. I sometimes wonder how does He dare receive me in His pressence. I hurt for I know I have sinned. Yes, others too have sinned, but I answer before God for myself and not for others. I don't want it to be said of me: "How skilled you are at pursuing love" like a wild animal that ignorantly seeks whereever she thinks she might find it but will never satisfy it, so she'll continue wildly seeking. I want to remain in such awe of You there are no excuses to seek you earnestly, passionately, life-dependently :)

How loving and merciful You are. It was us who forsake You, and You who have truly remained. I praise You for always calling me back to You. You don't give up on me even when I say: "there is just no worth in trying again." You are my God. I mustn't forget that. You are my glorious God!

This season is crazy and there is so much to do, seriously I have had no rest. Yet I am in awe of You revealing truth and repent to me during this hard, hard time; where I can truly practice giving you the highest place of worth in my life and let go of everything else. I will find rest in You for I trust in an awesome God that is always with me. This christmas is for You first and foremost!

And as always, more than yesterday,
!!! I love You!!!