Becoming a Mommy

The first time daddy felt her kick in the belly he couldn't sleep all night.
The first time I saw her beating heart on the sonogram I cried. Grandma Linda also.
The first thing I said when I saw her for the first time was: "She is so hairy!"
The first thing I thought when I first held her in my arms: "I would give my life for you and you wouldn't even remember me."
The first thing I do when I see her smile is gasp.
The first thing I do when I stare into her eyes is marvel at such beauty.
The first thing I do when a new outfit fits her is call her daddy to show him.
The first thing he does is take a picture of her.
The first thing I do when she wakes up crying for hunger is thank the Lord for giving her life and have her breathing.
The first time I breastfed was the first time I thanked God for having made me a woman and letting me experience that unique conexion with my daughter.
The first time she cried we thought it would never end.
The first thing she does when I change her diaper or her clothes is smile in content,
The first thing she does when she is upset is take off her socks.
The first thing people do when they are holding her and she starts crying is hand her to mommy :)
Being a mommy is filled with many firsts, that much I know.

After Emmalee was born people started asking me how it felt to become a mommy.
I didn't quite know how to answer that question. It wasn't like I felt any different as a person. Becoming a mommy had not made me a different person. The only difference was that I was overflowing with love for a new person. I wondered why, though, I didn't feel any difference I could tell as answer to people's question. Now I know why. I have loved my daughter with all the love I have for her since the day I knew she had been conceived, not the day she was born. The only knew thing that happened that day she was born is that I got to meet her and see her face and tell her how much I love her to her face. A change I could convey to people that has happened to me since my daughter's birth, however, is my greater awe for my God.

Some women think that being a mommy somehow makes them superior to women who aren't mothers. Some women who aren't mothers think that women who are mothers are superior. Some women think that becoming a mother will change them into a new kind of woman; this superior being maybe? Some women think this way about marriage too. Being a married women ups your status and becoming a mommy ups it some more. These misconceptions have women comparing themselves to others, looking down on themselves or looking down on others, and missing out on who they are in Christ.

If you are not a mother or a wife it is in God's plan and God knows why. Being unmarried or without children is not a lower status. Have you stopped and think how much God can use you being a single woman and having God as your only Lord? Have you stopped and think how God can use your marriage to impact others and serve as a couple without children? It is healthy for women to desire marriage and babies. It is unhealthy when you are desiring it to "catch up" or to undergo the "transformation" that marriage and children bring in you. This is a lie. Marriage doesn't change you and neither does motherhood.

If you are unhappy unmarried, you won't become happy married. Same goes for motherhood. If you are not satisfied with the life you have, other people will not be able to change that. If you are not able to give God thanks for the life He has given you today, you will never experience joy and happiness. If this is your case, marriage and motherhood will actually worsen your situation with the toils and duties they're accompanied with.

Women give "status" to so many things.
For me, for example, the status in becoming a mommy was accompanied by the way I became a mommy.
Natural birth was a higher "mommy status" than having a c-section. This was not my thinking in my desire for natural birth. I wanted natural birth because I want many children and c-sections come with warnings and restriccions of number of pregnancies. Also, I wanted the quicker recovery for more quality time with my newborn. However, I felt "inferior" having not been able to bring my child into the world with a natural labour; as if I had failed as a woman and had my baby the way "lazy, comformed" women do. My only comfort was that I had at least tried to have my baby with a normal labour. Again, that unspoken seeking of higher status: "at least I tried unlike those other women who schedule c-sections."
How stupid thinking. And poor men don't even realize that-yes!-this is how alot of women think!

Gratitude is key for everything. God won't give you more reasons to complain. You complain you are unemployed today, you will complain of the great workload tomorrow. If you complain of not having a house today, you will complain of having to clean and upkeep it tomorrow. Maybe you can understand why He hasn't given you a husband or children to complain about.
Don't get me wrong either; just because you have a husband and/or children doesn't mean you don't complain or that you don't suffer from ungratefulness.

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Gratitude is the only way to happiness. You are able to thank God in extraordinary situations like I wrote here. You are able to thank God every single day. If you can't, you need to change your heart, not your life; and marriage and motherhood won't change your heart.

The funny thing is that this "status" thinking is given mainly among christian women. To unbelieving women, marriage and children are a hassle and an obstacle to their career goals and the "me" lifestyle. Christian women tend to scrutinize more: This mother homeschools but this one doesn't. This woman works outside the home and this one doesn't. This one prefers her career than homemaking. This one has a maid and this one tends to her own house alone. This one is into organic, healthy cooking and this one lets her children eat fast food. This one breastfeeds and this one doesn't.
As if the way my daughter was born has any bearing on the kind of mother I'll be. As if breastfeeding guarantees a healthy baby. As if homeschooling guarantees a child that will love and serve the Lord!

We do what we do for love of the Lord and love of our family; not because it makes you a better mother and better wife than other women; not because you want to take "the high road"; not to catch up to the women you compare yourself with; not because your way is a better way than theirs.
This life has taught me this: obey God because His way is good, enjoy where God has you today, give thanks to God for everything everyday, ask Him to guard your heart and mind, and surrender your desires to His will.

 Becoming a mommy just makes me be in awe of how wonderful, creative, impressive, perfect, crafty, designer, and merciful God is! I mean, just look at the great job He did with this little one of His!

1 comment:

  1. Aww, AMEN! Beautiful and I relate 100%. My goal is to affirm mothers' choices as long as they believe they're making the best ones for their family. It's so hard being a mommy! So many must-should-should've dones... But so rewarding when the smile and giggle. It's better to affirm what you can than tear down. I wish I understood this before giving birth, but indeed birth is transformative for more than just the baby!