I wrote a post about how becoming a mommy didn't make you a different person, but it has made me a more sensitive person.
2) I live with my in-laws. I struggled with this one for many months. I desired to move out and rent whichever place I could afford. Unfortunately, I could only afford a really small place, in a dangerous zone, with very little security and commodities, if I could afford it at all. I decided to live grateful where I was with all the advantages I had: a safe zone, closed neighborhood where my daughters could ride their tricycle in the streets, a nice room were we all fit, and helping hands from the in-laws. It took a while, but I was finally at peace with where we were at this time. And now it seems we will be able to move to an apartment at my Aunt´s house which has two rooms. It is small, but I am confident I can make it pretty and cozy. It is very budget friendly and it will give us a room of our own. Hooray!
3) My husband couldn't find a job in his area. We have been looking for an engineering job for my husband since December of last year. In the meantime, he worked at a school as a math teacher to make an income. He hated his job. He had the most annoying department coordinator in history. We knocked on every door we could. Everywhere we went we sought networking opportunities for a job possibility. Anytime we saw someone who could know of a job opportunity, I would pester him to do networking. He hated it and so did I. It hurt to see him so discouraged, feeling he was not good enough. I would tell him everyday that I had faith in God, and that he was going to get a job in His time. I tried to encourage him that this time of waiting had a purpose and God was working on his heart. We agreed to meet every night to pray together. We would pray for his job and then spend an hour or two praying and thanking God for many things and many people. Never have we prayed together so much. It became the bed time routine for my daughters, and they fell asleep hearing mommy and daddy praying, instead of us watching television while they fussed in their cribs. Our finances were finally enough for us to get out of debt and have some money left to go out and enjoy a little and also start saving. We were even able to take a mini trip to la Ceiba for my birthday weekend. We had a place to live, jobs that met our basic needs and gave us plenty of family time. There was much to be grateful for. My faith in God to provide the right job for him was unwavering. "Who do you believe in?" I asked him once, "because my God is El Elyon, the possesor of everything, and El Shaddai, the sufficient one to meet our needs." Last Thursday, after more than nine months searching, my husband got an engineering job. He quit his job last Friday at the school and started this Monday. I can't put into words the joy in my husbands face with his office, his bosses, the projects he will be working with. My God is faithful!
Petty and insignificant. What at one time felt like a struggle, today seems petty and insignificant.
One time I was talking to my husband of moving out and living more frugally. We already live very frugally, so this idea did not appeal to him. "I hate living in the worst-case-scenario situation," he replied. "Worst-case-scenario?" I admonished, "Honey, you come home to a room that has air conditioning, wifi, netflix, a flat screen, a nice bed, nice beds for your girls, your playstation (even if you can only play late at night when we are all asleep). Worst-case-scenario because we can't afford to eat out or go to the movies or buy new clothes? You should see what I see at work and witness a real worst-case-scenario."
Dear Father,
That mother is living my worst-case-scenario. My heart goes out to her. Your Word says that blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Thank You for being her comforter. Thank You because You are Jehovah Shalom, the Lord is our peace. Fill her with that peace. Thank You for that beautiful life that was hers to cherish for over a year. Thank You for Your faithfulness towards my family. A week ago I wasn't daydreaming of moving out and finding pins in Pinterest to decorate small places, or watching my husband so happily go to the job he had long waited for. Yesterday the direction were I worked turned one year and we celebrated with a wonderful, long prayer giving You all the glory for all the great things You are doing here and the greater things You will do still. Thank You because Your plans are greater than our own. Thank You because You are working in my family and bringing us closer to You. Thank You for what this time has taught us in depending on You and knowing Who You are. Thank You for Lilly's birthday today. Thank You for this day. Lord, I understand that each day we get is a gift. We worry so much about the future and don't even know if we will be here. Let me treasure each day and live it to the fullest. Thank You for yesterday, a day so well lived. May today be the same. I love You.
Motherhood has had a huge impact in my faith in God.
Others´parenting journeys have also had a huge impact in my faith in God.
And I love that this journey is only beginning.
Yesterday a Facebook friend shared the story of a friend of hers who lost her boy to SUDC, Sudden unexplained death in childhood. At first I thought it was a new name for SIDS, Sudden infant death syndrome. To my surprise, SUDC is even more rare than SIDS. This is a mother who, like me, thought she was out of the woods of losing a child to crib death. I found her blog and was very touched by her story. I spent the night crying for her loss and praying for her heart. In one post, she speaks of how her struggles for the day were getting on time, keeping her clothes clean, things like that that seem impossible with a toddler. Now her struggles include fighting back constant tears, missing her boy on her arms, and finding how to be a mom to two older boys. I thought how hard it would be to keep my faith in God intact. She, on the other hand, tells how she is a new Christian, but she believes in God even more after losing her baby boy. She has to, she says, because otherwise who is keeping her boy company now? Who else will give her hope of seeing him again?
If you can't read stories like hers without a change of heart, there is something seriously wrong with your heart. It makes me analyze my life and see my struggles as petty and insignificant.
What are my struggles? Let's take a look at that:
1) I wanted to keep my old job. I struggled with this one for many weeks. From my wounded pride for how the administration treated me to my broken heart of losing my students, I felt sour about the whole thing for weeks, even after getting a new job. My new job includes a higher salary, more stability, a managering position that spruces up my curriculum, and, to top it of, a Christian environment. I work for the government. Never in my life did I think I would work in the government. For one, I don't have the contacts to get in (You need to know the right people to enter). Second, I didn't vote for the current administration, which in Honduras means you can't get a job in government (Talk about true democracy!). My boss is a Colonel who loves the Lord with all his heart and understand that only through the gospel can we transform Honduras. All the programs we work in his direction are to help the Honduran population: peace programs, anti-drugs programs, health programs, and so much more. We work in contexts of high violence and extreme poverty. Hundreds of lives are saved daily through the efforts of this direction. I feel so blessed to be part of this and witness what God is doing. Who would have thought I would get to see a God-fearing man in a place of influence doing God´s work in one of the most corrupt administrations this country has seen?!
If you can't read stories like hers without a change of heart, there is something seriously wrong with your heart. It makes me analyze my life and see my struggles as petty and insignificant.
What are my struggles? Let's take a look at that:
1) I wanted to keep my old job. I struggled with this one for many weeks. From my wounded pride for how the administration treated me to my broken heart of losing my students, I felt sour about the whole thing for weeks, even after getting a new job. My new job includes a higher salary, more stability, a managering position that spruces up my curriculum, and, to top it of, a Christian environment. I work for the government. Never in my life did I think I would work in the government. For one, I don't have the contacts to get in (You need to know the right people to enter). Second, I didn't vote for the current administration, which in Honduras means you can't get a job in government (Talk about true democracy!). My boss is a Colonel who loves the Lord with all his heart and understand that only through the gospel can we transform Honduras. All the programs we work in his direction are to help the Honduran population: peace programs, anti-drugs programs, health programs, and so much more. We work in contexts of high violence and extreme poverty. Hundreds of lives are saved daily through the efforts of this direction. I feel so blessed to be part of this and witness what God is doing. Who would have thought I would get to see a God-fearing man in a place of influence doing God´s work in one of the most corrupt administrations this country has seen?!
2) I live with my in-laws. I struggled with this one for many months. I desired to move out and rent whichever place I could afford. Unfortunately, I could only afford a really small place, in a dangerous zone, with very little security and commodities, if I could afford it at all. I decided to live grateful where I was with all the advantages I had: a safe zone, closed neighborhood where my daughters could ride their tricycle in the streets, a nice room were we all fit, and helping hands from the in-laws. It took a while, but I was finally at peace with where we were at this time. And now it seems we will be able to move to an apartment at my Aunt´s house which has two rooms. It is small, but I am confident I can make it pretty and cozy. It is very budget friendly and it will give us a room of our own. Hooray!
3) My husband couldn't find a job in his area. We have been looking for an engineering job for my husband since December of last year. In the meantime, he worked at a school as a math teacher to make an income. He hated his job. He had the most annoying department coordinator in history. We knocked on every door we could. Everywhere we went we sought networking opportunities for a job possibility. Anytime we saw someone who could know of a job opportunity, I would pester him to do networking. He hated it and so did I. It hurt to see him so discouraged, feeling he was not good enough. I would tell him everyday that I had faith in God, and that he was going to get a job in His time. I tried to encourage him that this time of waiting had a purpose and God was working on his heart. We agreed to meet every night to pray together. We would pray for his job and then spend an hour or two praying and thanking God for many things and many people. Never have we prayed together so much. It became the bed time routine for my daughters, and they fell asleep hearing mommy and daddy praying, instead of us watching television while they fussed in their cribs. Our finances were finally enough for us to get out of debt and have some money left to go out and enjoy a little and also start saving. We were even able to take a mini trip to la Ceiba for my birthday weekend. We had a place to live, jobs that met our basic needs and gave us plenty of family time. There was much to be grateful for. My faith in God to provide the right job for him was unwavering. "Who do you believe in?" I asked him once, "because my God is El Elyon, the possesor of everything, and El Shaddai, the sufficient one to meet our needs." Last Thursday, after more than nine months searching, my husband got an engineering job. He quit his job last Friday at the school and started this Monday. I can't put into words the joy in my husbands face with his office, his bosses, the projects he will be working with. My God is faithful!
Petty and insignificant. What at one time felt like a struggle, today seems petty and insignificant.
One time I was talking to my husband of moving out and living more frugally. We already live very frugally, so this idea did not appeal to him. "I hate living in the worst-case-scenario situation," he replied. "Worst-case-scenario?" I admonished, "Honey, you come home to a room that has air conditioning, wifi, netflix, a flat screen, a nice bed, nice beds for your girls, your playstation (even if you can only play late at night when we are all asleep). Worst-case-scenario because we can't afford to eat out or go to the movies or buy new clothes? You should see what I see at work and witness a real worst-case-scenario."
Dear Father,
That mother is living my worst-case-scenario. My heart goes out to her. Your Word says that blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Thank You for being her comforter. Thank You because You are Jehovah Shalom, the Lord is our peace. Fill her with that peace. Thank You for that beautiful life that was hers to cherish for over a year. Thank You for Your faithfulness towards my family. A week ago I wasn't daydreaming of moving out and finding pins in Pinterest to decorate small places, or watching my husband so happily go to the job he had long waited for. Yesterday the direction were I worked turned one year and we celebrated with a wonderful, long prayer giving You all the glory for all the great things You are doing here and the greater things You will do still. Thank You because Your plans are greater than our own. Thank You because You are working in my family and bringing us closer to You. Thank You for what this time has taught us in depending on You and knowing Who You are. Thank You for Lilly's birthday today. Thank You for this day. Lord, I understand that each day we get is a gift. We worry so much about the future and don't even know if we will be here. Let me treasure each day and live it to the fullest. Thank You for yesterday, a day so well lived. May today be the same. I love You.
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