Re-learning what God had already taught me over and over?

So, dealing with sickness. I remember when I was younger (12-14) I was always sick, and I would pray and pray that God would heal me. I remember I even got angry at Him and said things like: God, I want to give you my youth. I want to serve you with all my strength. So why is my strength so little? Why don't you heal me so I can serve you better? In this human head of mine, God healing me was in God's best interest. Oh how young and naive!

I remember having a small poem booklet where I even wrote a poem about the great things I would do for God if I was healed. Oh how patiently and lovingly my God had to teach me it was not so. And I learned that I didn't need strength of my own. I had an independent, free, and proud heart. For God to really do His work in me, I needed to be broken. And I learned to serve Him joyfully being broken. And I learned to depend on Him completely, even for strength to walk.

So, it came the day I had my heart bound to God's and I was no longer broken (at least not as much). 

But this foolish being is rebellious and her heart grew hard and proud and independent again. And again Her loving God will not leave her and He will bring her back to Him by any means. For He is a good shepherd Who will bring her back,

So again, 
Im broken and strengthless
finding more joy in life in a long time.
 grateful for this time. 
grateful to need Him so badly.
 To be on my knees holding on 
with every breath to His hand 
learning not to let go
learning I am nothing
learning He has purpose
learning He is good
and learning I have strength in Him
so I am not really broken
and I have all the strength in the world
For my God loves me
and He is Strong

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