Learning to rejoice in my labor

Eclessiastes 2

11 Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done
And on the labor in which I had toiled;
And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind.
There was no profit under the sun.

15 So I said in my heart,

“ As it happens to the fool,
It also happens to me,
And why was I then more wise?”
Then I said in my heart,

20 Therefore I turned my heart and despaired of all the labor in which I had toiled under the sun

26 For God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His sight; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and collecting, that he may give to him who is good before God. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind.

Dear Lord,

I've spent the past 4 months really despising my job to no extent. I miss with all my heart the joy of my labor when I was a teacher, and I spent my days passing knowledge and wisdom to younger minds, teaching them to seek God with all their hearts.

I now work in the career I studied for and I enjoyed it a little bit. But I feel all I do is work, work,and work. I came seeking guidance in the book of Ecclesiastics cuz it has helped me a lot in the past, specially in these matters.

I see two teachings in these verse above:
first, gathaering more things doesnt make anyone happy; it just adds toil.

the second thing I see here scares me a little:
"For God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His sight; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and collecting"...
God gives joy to a man good in His sight... and gathering and collecting to the sinner.
I dont know what to interpret from this, God. Am i to gather and collect because of my sins. But everyone tells me being newlywed is hard. But then I see other couples not struggling as much. And then I see that I am more blessed than most couples too. this confuses me a lot.

Lately all I think of is how to make more money but work less. Seriously, it is what I spent my time thinking of. This is so vain. I love the book of ecclesiastics for so plainly pointing out how vain this life is. Instead of spending my days contemplating You and rejoicing in You. instead of spending my days being grateful for all You give me. I have this labor, and it sustains my household. I think I would be more bitter and angry if I didnt have the means to help my household. And all this sounds strange for it should be my husband sustaining the household. But he works so hard. I am so blessed by him, and I could have not found a better husband for me. And we have miles to learn, and I love we'll get to learn it together.

money issues, time administration, time together, and labor are just some of the few we are learning right now, Father. I dont want to feel this way anymore. I get so frustrated. All I need to do is eat and drink, and rejoice in my family and in my God with what I have, for everything else in this world is vanity and grasping the wind.

Thank you for changing my heart day by day and bringing me back to You. I want to be good in Your sight, so I might rejoice in my labor. Give me a labor in which I can also serve You, and for the moment, teach me how to serve You right now in the labor I am,

I love you, Father!

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