That little string of light

I sat there in the dark of my room,
the only light from between the curtains shone on the bed.
like a single string of light.
I sat there looking at that string of light wondering
how small it was but it allowed me to see the rest of the room.
I felt its comfort, while the tears flowed down my cheeks.

The doctors let her know it happened.
She had been expecting it during that long, restless night.
Her mother was finally resting, she thought, and it made her glad.
Why then this heavy feeling over her chest?

We are grateful we are permitted to be with her.
The traffic-jammed ride to her mother's funeral,
the longing to be with her in such a time!
And we are finally there and
all of us from the office cand't find words to say.
They won't come close to the casket.
But she is standing by it all alone.

My shyness- no, pride won't let me console her?
A thought the Spirit whispers in my heart.
I stand by her and see her mother's peaceful face.
"She had already recovered," she speaks softly.
"I'm sorry." are all the words I can say.

I'm on my room that same night.
My heart is burden by it's many trials.
How can I cry for such a situation
when my friend just lost her dearest?
Is this how blind you are?

And that string of light in my bed
reminds my heart
that I have never been forsaken,
there is still light to be seen!
No, I have never been alone.
And what comfort is there for those who really are?
For those who do not know You?

And here your God says He holds you by the hand.
Then why are you, Oh my soul, cast down?
Where is your hope? Who is your help?
And sweet Jesus wipes your tears and says,
"Be brave, my child. Your Lord says to you!"

And again there is too much ME.
Have my eyes not been opened to the pain outside?
Has your Spirit not been stirred inside me
that those who go through loss may have a hope?
That their loved ones be written in the Book!
That they have a God to turn to!

That they may know You, is my wish.
Can You use me for that purpose?
I have much to learn.
Do not forsake me sweet Jesus,
but forever change me into Your image,
that in this world I may be a string of light.

Dear Father,
I had not written about that night. That night I scared my husband with my despair and unbelief. That night I failed to wait in You. A night were I had seen someone in real pain. Someone whose pain was an ocean to swim. And there I was drowning in my glass of water. I am sorry. I am grateful once more for Your Word and how it takes ahold of me. Again, I am sorry I sinned against You. Like Jesus prayed for us, protect me from the evil one.

John 17
26 I have made You known to them, and will continue to make You known in order that the love You have for Me may be in them and that I Myself may be in them.”


  1. The beauty of your opening lines captured me. I'm thanking God for bringing me here this afternoon. Thank you for your open and vulnerable heart. He meets with us tenderly, doesn't He? I will think of you when I see a string of light like that.

  2. This is a very moving post. Thank you for sharing the depths of yourself.