Bittersweet first Mother's day celebration.

That's how little Emma went dressed to our mother's day celebration.

"Will you go to the mother's day meeting tomorrow?" my sweet mother-in-law asked me. She and the other wonderful ladies of the woman's ministry of our church had been planning the mother's day reunion for weeks.
I didn't have money to pay for my ticket. I didn't know my darling husband had bought one for me already!
It filled my heart with such joy.
"Can I take Emmalee with me?" I asked.
"Why don't you leave her dad and have the night free?" she replied.
"No. I get so little time with her. I would rather stay home with her," I replied a little stubbornly.
"Well, then bring her. She is a darling anyways," she said witha smile.
I'm excited for tonight for my first mother's day celebration at church. I have served in many of those meetings as a waitress, a singer, and a decorater. Today I'll be celebrating with the other moms and taking my daughter with me (It's a good thing she is little and well behaved.)

You would think that I always put time with my daughter first. You'd be wrong. I wrote of the agony (yes, agony) I went through on my first day back to work here. Now that it's been a while, I'm numb to it? Is that the description I'm looking for? Accustomed? So is the case that I've mused with the idea of continuing to work full time and put Emmalee in a nursery and later a school so we can afford our own house and give her things we never had. I hear my husband say these words alot: "Give them what I never had."
My husband and I have come from different worlds.
He was raised by his mom and dad with little riches.
I was raised by a single mom who was very prosperous financially.
I had my first car when I was 17. I was given my first credit card which mom paid fully when I was 18, and I got to travel. These are the things my husband speaks of giving our kids.
He was raised in a house where mom and dad slept in the same room, all the family ate dinner at the table together, dad loves mom and mom is submissive and serviceable to dad. These are the things I speak of giving to our kids.
I always tell my husband he grew richer than I. Why would I lose track of the riches I want my daughter to enjoy?

And it saddens me how little I and those around me know of parenting.
I wonder if I asked any young couple now what the purpose of having children is what would their answer be?

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 128:3-5
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life!

"Why would you want so many children?" I'm constantly asked in church. 
And I ask myself, "Well, what do you believe when you read verse like these that say 'Blessed is the man who fill his quiver with them.' 'Thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord'?" I love how children are compared to arrows. Our children are to be God's emisaries to spread the gospel and make disciples all around the earth. They are alive for His purpose. And how are we to beat the world if they are superior in numbers? And thus the more arrows the warrior has the more marks he'll hit, the more damage he'll make, the more impact he'll have. 

I've been reading alot about abortion. Abortion is still illegal in my country, thank God. But abortion in other countries breaks my heart. And I have wondered what I can do to stop it? What can I do to be used against this movement? And I feel shame because I've contributed to the thinking that got it legalized in other countries and the reason why it's being pushed to be legalized in mine: Discrimination. 

I was a teacher to grades 7th to 11th in 2008 in my old school teaching English class. I loved being a teacher. I loved sharing with my students and teaching them and trying to move them to be more like Christ. I had this 7th grader who was shy and unpopular. I tried to spend time with her make her see who precious she was for Jesus. I befriended her on facebook to keep contact while I was away in Mexico. She changed school and started hanging with a different crowd. Her body bloomed and with it her popularity and friends count. She started posting provocative pictures of her on facebook. I adviced her a couple of times and after a while decided to erase her from my friends. I found out through her brother that she had a baby girl two months after my own. I remember thinking: "Poor baby, to be born to such a mother." I had discarded her for her attire choices when it was clear she was desperate for approval. 

Why has abortion become legal?
Because girls get pregnant and become ostracized for their irresponsibility and sinfulness; the rejection mainly from their families and church. 
This is not a "poor baby" as I judmentally affirmed. This baby is loved and lucky. Mom's all over the world are murdering their children inside them. This young ex-student of mine was brave enough to bring her child into the world and grant her life.  
How many times have you passed judgment to other mothers for their children making a fuss in the supermarket? How many times have you judged single mothers who have children from different fathers, none who married them? How much good has these judgments done to them or the world? What good have you contributed?
Passing judgment is easy (and let's not forget completely forbidden to us Christians!)
Were are we being like Christ? How are we loving our neighbor? How are we tending to the sick and sinful?

In this month of mother's day celebrations I want to stop and pray for the unborn and ask that they get a chance at life. I want to pray for those mother's who have aborted and that they might find forgiveness and hope. I pray for the valiant mothers that are parenting in the "not-ideal" situation and doing it alone. I want to pray for myself and ask that God grants me the wisdom to raise my daughter for His glory and fill my quiver with many arrows. I want to be humbled, broken, and forgiven for all my sins and be granted compassion and grace instead. 

I invite you to read this blog:
It truly touched my heart. 

Let us stop our rejection of what on my church has come to be known as the "whichi wachi" christians (The Christians who don't wholeheartdly commit to Christ and continue to purse attitudes and practices of the world.)
That girl you are rejecting because she dates alot is trying to fill a void in her heart.
That girl you are rejecting because she dresses inappropriately and flirts alot might be hurting inside.
That friend who likes to drink and smoke might just be trying to fit in so he/she won't be alone.
And Jesus would sit with them and share time with them and be put into the same group as them for hanging with them.
Will you accept the unaccepted to show love and hope when most show rejection? Will you help stop the mindset that drives woman to abortion instead of adoption?
Or for that matter, the mindset that drives the christian living in sin to go away from church?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't reach out more to my little student. I'm sorry I instead judge her and judge her motherhood quality. I'm sorry I thought my daughter had it better with me as her mother. Lord, teach me. Teach me humility. Don't let pride rule my life. Teach me I'm no better mom the next. Teach me the only way I'll be a good mom is by closely clinging to You and your principles. Teach me love, true love, the hard kind of love, the type of love that can love the unloved, the type of love that gives and does not receive, the type of love that never gives up and is unconditional. Let me raise children that will love like You. Only You can save us from ourselves. Let me raise children close to You.  

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