Oh, poor you!

I am not one to be excited of sharing with you that I've been depressed this past week.
I have been meditating on James 1 and trying to be joyful on my many trials.
"But, Lord, how can I not be depressed when everything just piles up?"
Oh poor little me and my many tribulations.
The house we had picked and had supposedly already signed for got snatched by another person who made business directly with the house owner while we dealt with the real estate agent. We were really bumbed to loose that house because it was better and cheaper than the one we ended up with. (Such murmuration.)
The car was not fixed properly and had to be taken back to the mechanic. Let's cross the fingers it's not something new and there is no extra charge.
I kept my murmuring state Sunday afternoon when friends from church said I could "count on them" on helping with the move and all of my church friends where a no-show.
Emmalee got a cough and was feeling pretty bad from Wednesday to Friday
I had a bad experience at work that left me preocuppied and with a bad taste.
All those "piles" piling up kept me from sleeping and I couldn't sleep well all week, waking up every two hours to continue to ponder on my vicisitudes.
Oh, boo hoo... Poor little Linda.
"Nothing goes right."
I knew my heart was not in the right place and I needed a change fast.
I prayed for a change of heart. I know when my heart is away from God's and my eyes off of Him.
I kept trying to talk some sense into myself.
"God knows why we didn't get the other house and why this one will be better. Trust Him, at least you get to keep the dogs."
"Thank God nothing happen to us when the car started failing and hope for the best."
"The brothers and sisters in Christ have been there other times."

It was no good. I was depressed. My soul was downcast, the affliction in my heart too great.
(Please take into account that a pregnant girl who has been sick for two month and then had a lot piling up feels more overwhelmed than she actually should, and sometimes depression is also physical)
Sunday night while laying in bed lamenting how tired I was from a weekend where I had to work on Saturday and spent all Sunday moving heavy stuff and how little rested my body was to start a new week full of work, I opened my facebook and a friend share this video.

Please watch it.
I couldn't watch it without bawling my eyes out.
When the little boy who is 7 and weighs as much as my 10 month old baby cries in despair as his little sisters bathes him with all her strength, my heart truly broke.
My heart brakes when I think of the extent of my selfishness and my ingratitude.
How can I lament a house having one? Curse a car having one?
Feel sorry for myself for waking up to work having one that lets me feed my family?
How come I haven't been searching to be the hands and feet?
How come knowing children are wanting not being the reason I loose sleep?
I cried long and hard. My babies are so blessed and I'm feeling sorry for us.
I really needed that.
I needed God to give me true brokeness, the type of brokeness that has meaning and purpose, not the petty broken heart I was having.
I need to get my heart right back with God's and my eyes steadfast to Him.
Today I woke up to new things piling up, yet I feel lighter and joyful.

Writing and remembering that video makes me cry again, but I feel a good heart crying, not to self pitying heart I had been carrying around.
I feel a heart ready to receive all the beauty God has for me on this day that He made and a heart willing to take it's eyes from within to try to do a better job at being the hands and feet.

Thank you Lord for only You transform the heart and make it new.For only You can break us and make us into something beautiful. Help us not to desire the things of this world but to desire passionately the Kingdom of Heaven. Let this not only be a lesson on how blessed we are  but also ln how much more for You we need and should be doing. I love you, Jesus.