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10/21/2013

To Those Who Wait

There are many, many things I NEED to do.
I emphasize the word need to strongly claim these things I MUST do, not wish I could or hope I can.
In my piling list of needs there are also wants/needs that although I could live without, I wish I didn't have to.
My heart has been really tested as I didn't see how I was going to get anything on the list done.

I need:
1. To finally get healthy. I´ve been sick for almost two months now and it´s taking a toll on my family, my body, and my finances, not to mention I worry on the toll it might be taking on my unborn child.
2.  I need to fix our car. When we took it to the mechanic we were hoping for an easy and inexpensive fix. No win there. The fix is gonna cost me $400. With all the medical bills from being sick so long and going to the doctor so much, I don't even have enough money to make it to the end of the month, let alone fix the car.
3. I need to find a new place to live. The house I´m renting is no longer available and I need to move as soon as possible. We found a house that meets our needs better than out actual house, except that I have to pay the first month of rent plus the deposit. If I don´t have money to fix the car, I have even less to pay that deposit.
4. I need to go to the gynecologist to check on my baby and I need to take Emmalee to the pediatrician.  I need to inscribe Emmalee on the medical insurance I get from school but for that I need a birth certificate. I was going to get one last Wednesday that I had no work but our dear president declared it a holiday because the Honduran team classified to the world cup. I was also going to go to the public health hospital to get the baby checked because my medical insurance doesn´t cover maternity but the holiday also interfered with that. And now with no car and those places closed on the weekends I don´t know when I´ll be able to do either.
5. I need to find my dogs a new home. (Pause for small sobbing time) The new place doesn´t allow pets. I´ve been spending time with them and imagining my life without them and it´s a hard blow.

I want/need:
1. A carefree day. Seriously. It doesn´t need to be a luxurious getaway. I just need a day where all my troubles don`t follow me around.
2. To sell many stuff I can´t take to the new place (beds, tables, and more)
3. To talk to the school of the possibility of offering tutoring services.
4. Enough money to be able to save for my child´s birth.
5. Find helpers for the move. (I´m hoping this won´t be hard to do and my brothers and sisters in Christ will be there like they always are.)
5. I really want to see that baby darn it!
6. To be kinder and nicer to my loving husband who has been nothing but patient with me.

Things really piled up this month and it´s felt like an avalanche of bad piled over bad.
I was goofing off making Emmalee laugh. She was giggling so hard oblivious of her parents struggles and I felt at peace. I don´t have a place to live or a car or health, but my baby is able to laugh and giggle and she is healthy and happy. It makes it all worth it.

I´ve obviously been crying out to the Lord for help and relief.
This verse is forever on my mind on times like this:
Psalms 46:10
 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
 I will be exalted among the nations,
 I will be exalted in the earth.”

Be still and know that I am God. Such powerful words. It reminds me of when my friend Joseph used to say: "Do you tell God how big your problems are or do you tell your problems how big is your God?"
God is able and He is good. 
The verse brought me to the song "To Those Who Wait" by Bethany Dillon; it has been my battle song this month. 
Here is my rendition of the song:
video


The Lord is always at work and He is always faithful. 
Can I brag at the fact that I am finally learning to rest in Him? Finally not doing it on my strength and truly trusting Him! 
Rodol was feeling a little overwhelmed and I reminded him of the same words he had used to help me: "Don´t be a Thomas. Don´t wait to see Jesus risen with your own eyes to believe." and I also added: "Has He ever forsaken us? Hasn't He always taken care of us even when there seems to be no way? Why am I going to believe this time He will fail? Isn't that diminishing the faithfulness He has always shown?" 
It has been hard on him. It´s been good because we´ve been having praying sessions like we haven´t had in a while. How wonderful to seek the Lord together and bring our weakness and brokenness to the foot of the Cross.

I like that the song includes this verse:
Romans 7:24
O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

It is not pretty when we are being tested. It´s not pretty with your spouse who watches you complain or wake up cranky or cry in tearful desperation. It´s not pretty before the Lord Who knows your thoughts and your inner questioning. This body of death of mine, although it knows of God´s greatness, is weak and sinful and continuously fails. I thank God through Jesus Christ and I praise Him for making His mercies new every morning. 

The song took me to lamentations 3. Oh how appropriate this scripture was for me. Read this masterful piece of the precious Bible:

Lamentations 3
19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
    the wormwood and the gall!
20 My soul continually remembers it
    and is bowed down within me.
21 But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope:
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[b]
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man that he bear
    the yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone in silence
    when it is laid on him;
29 let him put his mouth in the dust—
    there may yet be hope;
30 let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
    and let him be filled with insults.
31 For the Lord will not
    cast off forever,
32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
33 for he does not afflict from his heart
    or grieve the children of men.
34 To crush underfoot
    all the prisoners of the earth,
35 to deny a man justice
    in the presence of the Most High,
36 to subvert a man in his lawsuit,
    the Lord does not approve.
37 Who has spoken and it came to pass,
    unless the Lord has commanded it?
38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
    that good and bad come?
39 Why should a living man complain,
    a man, about the punishment of his sins?
40 Let us test and examine our ways,
    and return to the Lord!
41 Let us lift up our hearts and hands
    to God in heaven
I haven't been able to go check on the baby or take Emmalee on her monthly check. We will have to rest in the Lord that both of them are well and healthy, and I truly believe they are and I am not worried. I just have a really strong desire to see my baby´s heart beating and his developing body u_u

My mom helped us with the money for the car and my sister helped us with the money for the deposit (Bless them!). I hope to have our car back soon and the contract to our new rental soon. 
I am confident my girls Terry and Lanky will find a good home where they are cared for and loved. Emmalee wants so bad to say Terry she says YYYYYY everytime she sees any of my dogs. She really likes them and they are kind and caring with her. I´m sad to let them go but I have two babies to think of. 

I truly believe all the changes we are suffering are for the best.
He truly does more in my waiting than in my doing, though I would say that He does more in my trusting His work than in my trying to do it myself, which is why He continuously teaches me to wait. I´m glad I wait on a faithful God with a steadfast love.

Check out the Spanish version I made for this song here.

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