Oh Fleeting money

Today I do not feel like writing. Why? I do not know what to say. Yet I remember in times like this when I felt this way, it was always useful, eventhough at the starting point felt completely useless, just to go ahead and talk with God.

So here is another of my journal entries:
Hi Dad,
Today I'm feeling sick. I woke up with stomachache and headache. For a moment there, I wondered if it could be morning sickness. First time I got excited of feeling sick. Slowly each day my health is improving. I slept less this weekend, meaning that I am handling better the gym workout. I've been thinking alot again on my sedentary life. I want to get more involve. I want to start seeing what can I do for others. I am seriously hoping my health improvement won't turn back with this cold weather approaching and I will finally find the strength to get up and go.

I've been feeling sad from not being able to be with my family. My sibling and I have our birthdays on September and again I was unable to be with them. I never was an ambitious person that desired much money, but boy I desire it now. I wish I had enough money to visit them ever two or three months with the hubby. That would be around 2000$ every three months!!!! :O.. I can't wait for December to get to see them and spend all the time I can with them.

Money, money, money. Why does the world move on money! And why can't we be our own bosses? Tend the cattle and the farm, and live on our own land! I should become an Amish, but the Hubby would die without technology. Yesterday I was watching Robin Hood with Russell Crowe. They lived off of the forest and nature and did not worry about luxury, mortgages, and credit cards. I really wish we lived in simpler times. I was discussing with a friend how unprepared we feel we are for this reality of sustaining a family and making money for that purpose. We wondered if our parents and schools could have taught us better how hard it would be. My coworkers do not believe me, but yesterday night I was counting the scents on my piggy bank. I have 45 LP with 40 cents. Enough for another egg carton. I've been seeing my father and my father-in-law struggling and I was lucky enough to be doing just fine to be able to help them out. This time it was our turn. It was kinda sad we couldn't turn to them. This made me miss my mother terribly. It again makes me appreciate her all the more and have my admiration for her continue to grow. I am confident this economic despair will only last for this month. Plus, You have never deserted me and of that I am completely confident.
I want to thank you for my husband, Father. I must sound redundant by now, but I am amazed by him more and more. People used to tell me that he would change once he was my husband and no longer my boyfriend, and I was holding tight to the belief he wouldn't. He did change. He stopped doing many things I wish he still did. But he withstands so much, he has so much patience and tolerance, so much care and love, he is so serving and gentle, always putting others before himself, never seeking his own interest, making his kindness known, hard working.... Even with the money shortage, he went to do the groceries with the calculator at hand and the exact list of items and quantity in the other, and still brought me chocolate! I truly feel I won the lottery with my husband. So I guess I can't have it all. Maybe one day we'll be able to visit my family at least once a year!

*217 Spending time with Alejandra Pavon. Oh, I love this girl to death. She lights anyones day, not just mine. You can't be around her without smiling and feeling uplifted. I could only describe her like a rainbow on a storm, a powerful lightining in the dark clouds, a wonderful breeze on a hot day. She is one of the most beautiful gems I have in my life, one of Your greatest gifts and blessings to me. She is not my friend, she is family (primata!). Forever a part of me, I am truly grateful to have her in my life and to have spent a Saturday evening on a girls night! I barely have those anymore, boy are they a treasure to me! I pray constantly for her life and for the lucky one You have for her. I pray her heart is not changed by this world now that she is beginning college and being inmersed more into it. But she has the purest heart, the most sincere heart, and a great love for You. With high hopes, I will strive to be in her life to continue watch her grow more beautiful each time.
*218 the puppy x ray with a "normal" diagnostic.
*219 the privilege of not despairing because I have the privilege to know God takes care of me. I often wonder how people without God do it.
*220 a husband I admire more and more.
*221 a husband that forgives more and more
*222 a strong fute that brings me to my knees, teaches me humility, and reminds me of my need to constantly seek Your face.
*223 an unexpected comment on my fb from a dearest friend, in the road to making amends for a huge misunderstanding.
I love you Father!!!!

1 comment:

  1. lovely post.
    I am thankful for what God is doing in your life, in your marriage and in your heart.
    Continue to nurture a heart of gratitude and it will change your life entirely! Blessings dear friend!