Repetition... Grrrr!

I love how my posts become a "mini series" without me even knowing it. The recent on has been on the ways God teaches me.

I posted on how He teaches from everyone around me and how He has taught me through my boss. I also learned that He teaches me through situations I pray don't happen or pray that go away and don't; basically, learning when God's answer to prayer is "No!." I had not realized this mini series had formed but today I wanted to write on how He teaches me in a peculiar way.

One of my petpeeves is having to repeat myself. I hate repeating myself. I don't know when this became so intolerable for me since I have been a teacher to kids and teens and I have had to repeat myself countlessly and it didn't bother me. I guess since I had to repeat so much I didn't want to do it outside of work. It's been a year and a half since I am no longer a teacher. That is a good thing because in my current state with my current reaction to repeating myself I would probably snap at the kids for not getting it at the first time.

The one dealing with my snapping is my husband. I don't know what happened to him, if I should be concerned, or take him to see a doctor, but he is either going deaf or I am not speaking clearly. I wouldn't say the problem is I am speaking too softly, because if you are acquainted with me you know I am quite sonorous. He makes me repeat whatever I say to him more than twice. By the second time, my face is uncaring and my tone is unkind and he is just trying hard to understand me so I won't have to repeat once more with a quizzical look on his face. He has admonished me for this countless times. I admonish myself. I really don't want to react this way, but it gets on my nerves more and more having to say everything to him more than twice! I asked God to help me get over this. I asked Him to take control over this reactions and learn self-discipline. The Lord does not delay His teachings, of this I am sure.

For the past month, I have become deaf myself but at work. I find myself asking my coworkers to repeat themselves to me, find them mocking me for not listening or misunderstanding what they said, and mainly, I find myself not being repeated what was said and being left in the dark of whatever the conversation or instruction was about. So this is how God has been teaching me lately: put yourself on other's shoes, before you are found in them.

Curiously enough, my husband hasn't asked me to repeat myself in quite a while, and when he does, I do not react the same way. But, I find myself more and more asking others to repeat themselves and receiving the treatment I was giving my husband. I love how the Lord's anwer is always the right one. He knew it was not self-control alone that I needed to learn. It was mercy through understanding. Understanding, of that I have been learning tons too.

On the subject of wondering why I am going deaf or why I don't understand what they say to me and need repetition, I have realized I am not as good a listener as I thought I was. I think it was the Holy Spirit that moved me to analize this a little further. I was hearing a friend tell me an anecdote and I had a similar anecdote. I couldn't wait for her to finish her story so I could tell mine. I think I even interrupted her. I could hear the Spirit tell me "Did you realize that you were hearing but not listening?" Same thing happened with my husband in the car the other day. He was telling me a story and I could relate to what he was saying or I might have not even cared and I heard the Spirit tell me: "Do you realize he is talking to you and you are not listening but he thinks you are?" This shook my insides. My boss came to me and asked if I could help her with the ..... in the program.... and find her the ......!? I had no idea what she asked me. Not that I didn't listen. I didn't understand. "Could you tell me again, but slower please." "Could you help me find the subscriber to the program x in the log x and find her the amount of renovations made." That was easy. Why didn't I understand that the first time? And it has been happening more and more. I don't get anything the first time, I do not listen before I am already thinking what to say, and sometimes, I do not even hear at all. Looking back at my life, I realize I have never put myself to work on being a good listener. I guess I never saw the importance in it. Not anymore.

One dude I am good at listening or has mastered how to catch the attention of my ears is Satan. "Sick women like you shouldn't have chlidren. Women like you CAN'T." I took a pregnancy test crossing my fingers for a positive result for the first time and got a negative yesterday night. I was not discouraged or disappointed, but his voice resonanted in the corners of my mind. I guess this is why the Holy Spirit is teaching me understanding, mercy, hearing and listening. The Holy Spirit is well aware of my desire to be a good, godly mother to my children, but it is also aware I must prepare, trim and learn lots.

Again, I am grateful my husband is patient, tolerant, and a good listener (in other words, everything I am not!) and I can learn from him. But I want to put myself in his shoes and understand him, before having to see the wrong in my ways. I want to put myself in everyone's shoes before I utter judgment or exasperation, really listen before I letting out my "words of counsel," and be able to listen to stories about construction and buildings I don't care of but I care the world for my husband and if he cares, I listen.

Have you been harsh on a matter? How would you have been treated in their situation? Were you better? Would you like to be in their situation? Have you been understanding? Have you been judgmental? Have you cared? How are you helping instead of adding load? Yes, learning tons, asking tons, analizing tons, and loving God tons.

I love You Lord!

If only life was as easy as hers!!! jeje

1 comment:

  1. Linda,I heart reading you. And although I've never heard your voice – I can imagine what it's like. And being deaf – oh, being deaf. And listening to someone's story just long enough so you can come up with one in your own to match it – or beat it – that is insightful. I'm both relieved to know that I'm not the only one – and sad to know that I hadn't really thought about it until you brought it up. And the one person we shouldn't listen to is the one that we do – that hit home. It makes me ask, who am I listening to right now? I am listening to him, and his doubts, and his darts of fear too much – and I'm not listening to the love poured out by good hearted people – like you. One builds up – the other tears down – deaf to one – listening too closely to the other. So thank you for this. And today, I have ears to hear. God bless you, and keep you, and God bless and keep each and every one of yours.