Learning my testimony can change right now!

Titus 2
 4 "urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. "

11 " For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. "

Dear Father,

I have been thinking alot about this subject: the kind of woman I am. right now, I am the kind of woman whose mouth is able to utter bad words. I am the kind of woman who looses her temper when in alot of stress. Right now, I am the kind of woman whose conversation with the unbelievers barely addresses You or spreads Your Word. Right now, I am not consider by the unbelievers around me as kind, peaceful, good; I'm not consider by anyone this way.

I consider the first verse: busy at home... And I justify myself saying that I am this way because I am not home and that when the time to be home comes I will be good, kind, and peaceful. Father, Your Word truly pierces throught the heart. I used to desire to have a great testimony and to strived for one. When did all this change? And what makes me think when I am at home I will be better. Is being at home what defines my behaviour? And if anything, being at home would be a greater challenge to my attitudes!

 What about my new desires right now? "To be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Yes, this is one of my great desires right now: to be a good wife, a godly wife. So, it is one of my desires, but am i striving in this? And again my brain is immediately filled with excuses: but you have been ill; but you work all day; but you get home to keep working; but he doesn't deserve it at times; but you can do it better than him; but you are so tired.... and the list can go on!
Oh Father, I am ashamed of how many times I've told my husband: "That is just an excuse!". Well, I'd be a good judge of excuses, when I'm so skilled on them!

I was struggling with subjecting to my husband in an area and sought advice from an unbelieving co-worker (Do not do this again, Linda, and hold your tongue!). She said that complete obedience to my husband is counterproductive because men are always children and that I didnt always have to obey what religion told me on my relationship with my husband. I agree to a measure with her (lol), but  was I believing her words (the world's words) or my Father's words? Which words hold promise? Which words hold truth? Which words bring forth godliness? Which do I want to follow?!
I went home that day and I told my husband why I was struggling to fully obey the Lord's instruccion. I (could have done it more lovingly) showed him his faults that were making me doubt, but told him I would surrender to the Lord and continue following his lead. He asked for forgiveness and said He would work harder on being a better leader. I don't think I could have done this had I not been spending time in Your Word. But I have miles to go.

I feel challenged. I want to change the way I speak. Mainly, I want to change the way I think. I remember my prayer used to be let: Your dreams for my life become my dreams for my lif; that Your will becomes my desire.

The beauty of this truth: You and Your Word are capable of instructing my heart, transforming my mind, correcting my tongue, changing how I view others and how they view me. The challenge: Obedience, clinging to my relationship with You, spending my time in Your Word, knealing in prayer for a changed heart, humbling myself to be subject to my husband no matter what! No matter what!

I remember the first time I decided to change who I was right then. Even my father said I would not be able to change who I was. I remember how my classmates viewed me and even the church leaders. It is very similar to the way my coworkers view me and even my church leaders. Did I change their view of me then? No, but You did, because I obeyed and You changed me and did the work needed! Sounds like a car in need of repair. That is actually a good picture of me. A car no one wants to get in because it is noisy, bumpy, and unclean and it is not realiable because it can stop functioning at any time with no guarantee. And in I go into God's shop and out I come shiny and new (renewed) with the fuel of God that never runs down.

How wonderful is Your love and mercy. How wonderful how it is never too late to start living for You. How wonderful You do all the work (lol) but I have to surrender my heart and will. How wonderful that right now, You already changed me. And right now, I am not the same person I was when I started this post and I will strive to never be again!

I love you Father!

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for the raw confession and real words.
    You are absolutely right when you say that His Word is capable of instructing your heart, changing your mind, correcting your tongue and changing the way you view others and yourself. Stay plugged into the Truth of His word and that truth will overshadow all the lies that linger in those quiet places of your life.
    Thank you for sharing!!