Remember Peter

I still remember when I was told this story. The person who shared it to me was most patient and caring with me. It was a time were my ever present, noticeable, loud, and prominent weakness would cause me to move away from You. Big was my shame, but bigger was my pride. How could I have reacted that way? How could I have done that? Yeah! mighty, all-sufficiente, independent, and amazing ME??!!

It doesn't seem that way, doesn't it? It appears that I am reluctant to come before my holy King because I am ashamed of my sin. It doesn not seem that I do not want to come to the pressence of my Lord because of my shame that I failed. I was so willing. I claimed "here am I, use me!" And I started my walk passionate and strong. When did it get to the point I believed I will no longer fail? And many might say at this point: "Yes I fail. I sometimes lie. Sometimes speak out of place or unkindly. Sometimes I get angry." I am not talking of this kind of fail (which did also move me away from my Lord); I am talking about the big FAIL, like the kind King David committed.

So this was me. Thinking I really tried hard to learn, serve, obey, give, and act accordingly. Thinking that with all that effort and strength I put in, there was no way I should fail. And when I did, and big time, I could not face my Lord. I forgot He was my beautiful Saviour. How was I gonna stand before Him after I had failed! And, at this time, I didn't sit back to meditate: Who did you think you were?

And here the life-changing story I received one blessed night from that blessed friend.

"Remeber Peter.I love remembering Peter.

Peter was fishing when Jesus met him. He had been unsuccessful to catch a fish all that day. And Jesus tells them to throw the nets to the other side of the boat. And they fished plenty.

Here Jesus tells him: "You will no longer be fisherman of fish; from now on you will be fisherman of man."
Peter became known as the outspoken, passionate, quick, willing, and brave disciple.
When Jesus asked His disciples: "Who do you say I am?" Peter was the only one and the first one to claim: "You are the Christ." No hesitation. Complete faith and conviction.

When he saw Jesus walk on whatever he demanded: "Tell me to go to You."
When Jesus was going to be arrested, he was brave enough to get a sword out and cut off a man's ear.
There is no doubt Peter was passionate about Jesus.

And then Jesus tells him: you will deny me three times.
And Peter gets up his chair and exclaims this will never be so. How can it be fathom that he will fail his Lord.

And we all know the story.
Before the rooster's song, Peter denies him thrice! I think it's the book of Luke that says that when Jesus was coming out of the court, His and Peter's eyes crossed, and Peter was filled with grief.

I can only imagine what went throught his mind. The disappointment, guilt, disgrace, shame! Peter felt unworthy of going before the Lord. He was not there for His crucifxion. His shame was such, he not only moved away from Jesus, he went back to his old ways. He went back to fishing fish.

And here is the wonderful story. Peter is back in the boat unable to catch a fish. Jesus again tells them to throw the net to the other side and they fished plenty.

When Peter realizes it is Jesus, he throws himself to the water and swims ashore. He finds Jesus with fish already cooking in a fire. Again I can only imagine how Peter felt. He knows Jesus knows he did deny Him. He knew it the second their eyes crossed that terrible day. That day his bravery was not, his faithfulness to his word was not, his unwavering passion for Jesus was not. Peter felt he could no longer follow Jesus. How could he after HE had failed so badly! He was a lie, a joke, a traitor. All that was left for him after being such a failure was to return to be a fisherman of fish.

I imagine what is going through his mind: 'What will Jesus say? Will He point out that I denied Him? Will He reproach it? Will He tell me that I told Him I would never denied Him and I did?' And Jesus tells him: 'Do you love me?' 'Yes, Lord You know that I love You.' replied Peter. Is Peter hesitant of this thought in his mind? No, he loves Jesus undoubtedly. Do you love me? two times more. "You know all things. You know I love You." And Jesus' answer? Never fail again. Be perfect. Never have to deal with your weakness. Never need a lesson of grace, humility, mercy, and unconditional love? "Take care of my sheep." What?! Me? Undeserving me? Failure, traitor me? Well, Peter did love Jesus."

What a story. It brings me to tears. It is not about what I can do or who I am! Hard lesson to learn. I wrote untop that I didnt sit back to meditate who did I think I was. So, back then, who did I think I was? I thought I had to be the one to make Jesus proud. The one who could be without blame or fault. The better disciple. Such a deceiving thought isn't it? Be excellent for Jesus; Be the best you can be for Him. Sounds good? It is pride, pride, pride. I should rename my blog: Discovering pride in the depths of the heart. How will you give God glory if your aim is to give yourself glory by being the best for Him for you? (I hope you get what I am trying to say here.) Had I not placed close attention to the lessons Jesus gave His disciples? The lessons of being last; the verses of being low and humble!

I can come before God because of Who He is, not who I am. I am nothing. I can share the countless lessons I have received from this story. It truly changes me. I still learn plenty and more. His grace when I turn to my old ways. His mercy for my failures. His love when I finally humble myself and face Him. His strength that sustains this useless self to something useful.

Ah! What an awesome God! Maybe I'll write my remember David post one day. :P

I love You Father. Never cease to amaze me!

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