A Bad Prayer and God's Answer

Yes, I learned this past week that God answers bad prayer. However, His good and perfect will shines through.

I had written in my last post of the wonderful weekend I had celebrating my hubby's bday. I didn't mention it was a very exhausting weekend. I didn't mention it not because I am finally learning not to murmur or go on and on of the bad in my life (I wish I had). I didn't mention it because I didn't feel that tired. I even included "unexpected strength" in my gratitude list. However, though my spirit was high and uplifted, my body gave me his usual crashing down mode on Monday morning. I don't know if I said it out loud or in my head, but that little prayer reached heaven ears:
"I need a sick day."
I had vowed in this new job to never lose a day of work with the fake "I am feeling sick" excuse. I wanted to grow in honesty and especially integrity. So I went to work Monday morning and felt really happy after writing the gratitude post. We usually go to the gym on mondays, but I asked my hubby to drop me off at his parent's so he wouldn't miss a gym day and I could lay in their couch and rest.

Tuesday morning felt even worse. It was like that little resting time did nothing. I was feeling more tired than ever. And there it was again, but this time a little more specific:
"God, I really need a sick day. Can it be something like a fever that I can get a shot for and stay at home and
rest? Nothing big, just enough for me to need to stay home."
I hadn't even gotten out of bed when telling God my waking thoughts. And suddenly, I felt my left eye sore and swollen. I ran to the mirror and there it was! My salvation! My sick day! Hooray!
Or so I prematurely celebrated.
Rodol doesn't take those things lightly. He missed classes to take me to the doctor as soon as possible. I called my boss and explained what had happened and he authorized me to take the day off to see the doctor.

I need to give a small parenthesis here. See, I am a software developer and I always have bunch of work to do and a bunch of work lined up screaming for me to get to it. Missisng a day of work is tragedy for my company, especially in my department and especially now that I am the only experienced developer in my department. Everyone else is new at the company and have only been working here for a month. If the doctor recommends three days of rest, I only take one! I try to never miss work, even at the expense of my health (Trust me, I'm very admonished by the hubby for this).

But it was only one day (wrong) and I had finished my pending work (wrong again). The doctor barely examined my eye, I was in terrible pain and drew back everytime I saw her hand come near my eye, and said it was a chalazion. For those wondering, a chalazion according to the Webster dictionary is:

A small circumscribed tumor of the eyelid caused by retention of secretion, and by inflammation of the Melbomian glands.

I had had one before. Almost one year and half ago I had one surgically removed. Fortunately, the doctor said that this one was still premature and with some medication and hot compressions I might be able to get cured without the need of a surgical intervention. 

I tried my best. I put hot compressions all day (I'm brutal with this. I have a high tolerance for heat and I slightly burned the skin on my cheek and eyelid.) and used the medicine as prescribed. By the end of the day, my eye was worst. I knew I had to go back to the doctor, but that meant having it surgically removed. I took a second sick day because my eye was hurting more than the day before and tried the hot compressions and medication approach one more time. Rodol couldn't miss another day of school, so I had to stay home alone feeling worse. 

Thrusday morning came, I knew I couldn't miss more days at work. My eye was red, swollen with burnt skin around it. I put on an eye patch to hide the awful sight and to lessen the pain and went to work.

Another small parenthesis. For those who don't know me well, I have very poor sight. My friends pray and hold hands whenever I'm on the drivers seat. It's really, really bad. Imagine me working on software code with one eye. That day was torture.

I couldn't get anything done. I could barely see! Plus the annoying experience of having everyone in the office individually ask what had happened to my eye; eventhough we work in the same room, I had to tell the chalazion story over and over again.   

I couldn't avoid it anymore. The pain was increasing and my eye getting worse. I knew I had to go to the doctor's again and have it surgically removed. I called to see if they could give me an appointment that same thrusday. By this time, the pain was more unbearable than the thought of having the procedure and I couldn't wait. My boss allowed me to leave early that thrusday. As we sat in the dreaded waiting room, I couldn't help remembering how painful the last time they did that to me had been. You see, this kind of build up is the worst, and it ends in a BOOM from my part. 

It took me some crying, some freaking out, some praying, and some convincing by the doctor and Rodol to sit in the chair and let her inject the anesthesia directly in my extremely sored eyelid. As I sat there preparing for the painful blow, this are the thoughts that went through my head:

"Linda, you want 4 to 6 kids, you better  learn to deal with pain!"

"C'mon, Linda, Jesus died for you and you are being a coward when He is your strength!" 

(I talk to myself in third person. I know, I'm weird.)

And so, I stood there still enduring the pain. 

READER DISCLAIMER: The following pictures are mildly disturbing. You are advice not to watch if you have a sensitive stomach.

The dreaded waiting room

Me after the anesthesia shot in the eye

this is shocking... look away

Better.... a little

The ride back home still a little sore

Did all this happen because of my bad prayer? Is it really a bad prayer? I think it is. I never see a godly man praying for sickness to avoid his responsibilities. Actually, when they did they were in for a hard lesson. I remembered the story of Elijah. He was so tired of it all he asked God to just take his life. God fed him and sent him to a long walk on the desert where Elijah would hear him in a whisper after an earthquake and fire. I'm guessing that was one of Elijah's worst experiences; he walked for forty days and nights, but he got to be where God was passing by. 

And so I guess Elijah learned 2 Corinthians 12:10

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong

So there I was praying for a sick day. I guess in the search for true integrity and honesty, I'll ask God for His strength and power to be strong when I am weak, instead of trying to fine a way out of what I have to do. But this lesson is for life. Don't search for the corners where you can take shortcuts or less pain. Be brave and take the hard path. "Narrow is the path" says the Bible, then it's harder to travel it. There I was memorizing James 1 and I forgot to "consider it PURE joy when faced with many trials."

But I had to have a bad prayer answered so painfully to remember I have strength available for me. 

*354 a bad prayer and God's good answer

*353 a lot of time spent with pit

*354 finding true fellowship in my brother Tito

*355 a caring hubby 

*356 a hard working hubby studying all weekend for his exams

*357 a recovered eye sight and strength to serve the hubby and his studying buddy

*358 comfort tv series :)

*359 a bad scary movie choice that reminds me why I have a no-scary-movie policy

*360 sleeping with the lights on because of the poor judgment

*361 a LOT of resting time

*362 money to pay the surgery. Understanding money comes and goes. It'll come back and if not, God provides.

*363 making the most of the food in your pantry to feed multiple guest this weekend. 

*364 very happy to have people in my house I can serve and feed

*365 a brownie and cream cheese frosting experiment a success.