Dear Father,
Ok, so it's really late, and although it was just the weekend I slept even less.. But, I just need to post this.
My last post spoke of my frustration. Nope, my frustration has not diminished for my shortcomings are ever so noticeable. -_- ! So I posted that frustration was the attitude before defeat, trying to encourage myself not to be stuck in it. My sister then retaliated my post with the phrase: "Grattitude is the attitude before victory." I think she was spot on.
I need to grow in grattitude if I ever hope to find joy in my life. Tiffany, my blog tutor (if she'd let me call her that, :D) writes a weekly post on grattitude. Now, I haven't done it because I fear I'll start looking like a copycat. But you know what? Paul used to tell his disciples: "Imitate me cuz I imitate Christ." I guess Tiffany and her grattitude is a thing to imitate.
I had the worst best weekend of my marriage life. It is the first time my hubby sees me loose it. I mean totally loose it! I was literally lying with my back on the floor, my eyes flooded with tears, crying like a spoiled baby, simply murmuring about my life! Writing about it makes all the shame, again ever so present, be even more present. Yep! I had been praying for fruits of the Spirit and there I was indulging on fruits of the flesh like: murmuring, yelling, no self control, no honoring my husband, no good thing at all. So, you can see my frustration even peeked!
And there I had made such a scene friday night, and early morning my husband comes in with a bouquet of flowers trying to cheer his unreasonably sad wife. I seriously praise the Lord for the man in my life! We then went to church were I enjoyed the service like I hadn't in many, many years. Went out with friends I had not seen in ages, and connecting with friends deeper than I had before. We suddenly realized it was 1 am and time had flown. And I felt my heart fill up again. And we shared our desires to do Your will and encouraged each other. It was truly a magical time.
Today I had the wonderful pleasure of serving a friend I had last contact with. Her name is Marcela and I got to help out with the baby shower for her baby twins! It felt good to do something for someone else for a change and feel part of something. It felt really good to see the example of women like Gaby Lagos, who I don't understand why I have never sought to be closer with, since I admire her alot!
I had a busy wonderful weekend. I am sorry, Father, for my displays of sin, but I am grateful for Your mercy, I was feeling so down and ashamed, it was impossible to change how I felt in such a short time. And in the very same weekend, You shone Your light upon me and renewed my heart.
Friday night I was telling my hubby I no longer had strength to carry on. And in the church service I heard a song that brought me to tears: "I am strong if I am waiting in the Lord, only if I wait in the Lord, So I'll wait in the Lord." The words I needed! The truth I had to find. I have to put my hope in You and wait in You.
So, my grateful list:
1* understanding and loving husband
2* the call at the right time from my mother. her sweet prayers
3* a church to find beautiful fellowship
4* forgiving friends after a long time of not dedicating them some time
5* long lost friendships rekindled! I love you, Marcela
6* daisies in a saturday morning
7* puppies running around
8* a job to not suffer need
9* a merciful God whose love is unwaving!
Ok, so it's really late, and although it was just the weekend I slept even less.. But, I just need to post this.
My last post spoke of my frustration. Nope, my frustration has not diminished for my shortcomings are ever so noticeable. -_- ! So I posted that frustration was the attitude before defeat, trying to encourage myself not to be stuck in it. My sister then retaliated my post with the phrase: "Grattitude is the attitude before victory." I think she was spot on.
I need to grow in grattitude if I ever hope to find joy in my life. Tiffany, my blog tutor (if she'd let me call her that, :D) writes a weekly post on grattitude. Now, I haven't done it because I fear I'll start looking like a copycat. But you know what? Paul used to tell his disciples: "Imitate me cuz I imitate Christ." I guess Tiffany and her grattitude is a thing to imitate.
I had the worst best weekend of my marriage life. It is the first time my hubby sees me loose it. I mean totally loose it! I was literally lying with my back on the floor, my eyes flooded with tears, crying like a spoiled baby, simply murmuring about my life! Writing about it makes all the shame, again ever so present, be even more present. Yep! I had been praying for fruits of the Spirit and there I was indulging on fruits of the flesh like: murmuring, yelling, no self control, no honoring my husband, no good thing at all. So, you can see my frustration even peeked!
And there I had made such a scene friday night, and early morning my husband comes in with a bouquet of flowers trying to cheer his unreasonably sad wife. I seriously praise the Lord for the man in my life! We then went to church were I enjoyed the service like I hadn't in many, many years. Went out with friends I had not seen in ages, and connecting with friends deeper than I had before. We suddenly realized it was 1 am and time had flown. And I felt my heart fill up again. And we shared our desires to do Your will and encouraged each other. It was truly a magical time.
Today I had the wonderful pleasure of serving a friend I had last contact with. Her name is Marcela and I got to help out with the baby shower for her baby twins! It felt good to do something for someone else for a change and feel part of something. It felt really good to see the example of women like Gaby Lagos, who I don't understand why I have never sought to be closer with, since I admire her alot!
I had a busy wonderful weekend. I am sorry, Father, for my displays of sin, but I am grateful for Your mercy, I was feeling so down and ashamed, it was impossible to change how I felt in such a short time. And in the very same weekend, You shone Your light upon me and renewed my heart.
Friday night I was telling my hubby I no longer had strength to carry on. And in the church service I heard a song that brought me to tears: "I am strong if I am waiting in the Lord, only if I wait in the Lord, So I'll wait in the Lord." The words I needed! The truth I had to find. I have to put my hope in You and wait in You.
So, my grateful list:
1* understanding and loving husband
2* the call at the right time from my mother. her sweet prayers
3* a church to find beautiful fellowship
4* forgiving friends after a long time of not dedicating them some time
5* long lost friendships rekindled! I love you, Marcela
6* daisies in a saturday morning
7* puppies running around
8* a job to not suffer need
9* a merciful God whose love is unwaving!
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