You have always sent someone when I needed.

My darling Leon died. :(
Oh, Father, I have such a hard time coping with loss. My heart is so broken I have a hard time staying focused and cry out of the blue. I do not want to sleep or lay in bed. Dad, I am sad. Is this wrong? People keep telling me not to loose my peace, have strenght, rejoice in You, be encouraged it was the best thing. I think they are right but I like what Paul says: Cry with those who cry. I guess this is one of the reasons it is so hard to feel comforted by guys and girls are our to-go friends in grief. I guess it is one of the few times we'd pick our girl friends over boy friends. Woman in other cases are judgmental before understanding but in these cases they are able to cry with you. I am sure my mom (who could care less about dogs) and Pit, my sis, would have cried with me. And I felt my darling friends through their messages.

I feel comforted to think that You cried with me. People do not get my infatuation with dogs. When my dad left, I was not confident of myself enough to make friends. My only friend was Duppy, our dog. I remember the teacher in 4th grade asking everyone who was their best friend, and when I said Duppy, they all laughed at me. I am so sure that dog is in heaven! Man, I gave him the Gospel like 50 times, I even made songs that I would sing only to him about my relationship with You. (btw, I AM being sarcastic about him in heaven, but it is the truth :)).

I then had Oso. Oso came to me at a time when I lost my best friend (human, this time, and long time crush). He is another great comfort in a time of great need. And he also heard my songs that no one else, except You, heard. I would love watching him sit under my piano or asleep in my lap when I played the guitar (Boy, were those other times with tons of time. I haven't played the piano, or the guitar, or composed in ages!)

I have always felt that the love and comfort I felt from them came from You, like You put them there for me because I needed them, so I could feel You. And with my hubby, my family, all my friends, I still get so much comfort and love from them.

I really do feel You cared and cried with me, and I am grateful, over all, for a friend like You. People ask me why I am so fanatic about You and why I am so sure You are real. I tell them: "I have seen Him." I have! In the lonely nights crying my eyes out but feeling You close. In my poured heart in the pages of my devotionals, that felt so lost and confused, and on the second page was finding the answer and guidance. In the changed person I am, that would not be this way if Your love would not daily transform me. In the sweet friendship were I can always feel understood, admonished, challenged, and loved. In those around, yes, including my darling pets.

Thank You, Father. I love You! I love Leon. You know, people say dogs do not go to heaven. Well, I am a true believer that nothing is impossible for You, so I guess I could see my Leon again. But Your will be done, perfect and good! Just know that I will please, please, please beg You for this!! :D

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry for your loss and am excited to hear how God will bless you in and through your grief and sadness.