Learning to live in the now to the fullest for You

John 4
67 “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.
68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

Dear Father

There are hard truths for me to fathom. That people turn away from You. That people choose to reject You. But mostly, that your believers are not serving You.

I have been preparing my heart for the desire You placed in my heart the past two weeks. I talked with Memo and other people and I am still praying and preparing for that time. You know, I always spoke of being a missionary, If you don't sow in your own place, how will you sow elsewhere? And when I think of the hours, the effort, the costs, how tired I am and how much more I'll add to it, think of treating with people, and so much more, my flesh says: "I don't want to!" 

And if I am not filled with Your Spirit, I won't. I will loose the battle.
John 6
27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”

I desire this.

I have been loosing one battle already: patience and living in the now. Ugh, I desire so badly to become a mom! My husbands says it is not the time, and he is right and I now this! But I don't want to wait!!! NO! I'm thinking of myself instead of my family. I'm sorry, Father. I will apologize to my hubby for my insistence and selfishness. Give me the strength to wait and to also prepare my heart and character for that new stage. I get desperate thinking I am too old, but common, it's another one of Satan's lies.
Thank You for teaching me and being my strength. Father, do not let my flesh restrain me from serving You in levels I have never before. Help me and show me how to completely surrender my all to You and be busy in my Father's business.

I love You!

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